Senior Sex Blog is Educational, not Erotic

Scott said…

Joan, I think that a space that addresses senior sex is great. However, what I see are a number of posts that talk about sex toys and online dating sites and some blogs, but not, you know, actual sex. And I understand your loss, but also get the impression that you are not actually having sex, at least not with another person. Maybe I’m wrong and I didn’t go back far enough in your blog, but I think it begs the question of how much credibility you have in the area.

When I got this comment from reader Scott on my post about my Top Sex Bloggers award, I laughed and gave him a light-hearted response. Some of my readers urged me to answer him with more explanation of what I’m doing and why.

not, you know, actual sex

“Actual sex”? First, I’d like to get us away from the idea that “actual sex” means intercourse. “Actual sex,” in my view, especially as I write for and learn from other seniors and elders, means sexual expression in whatever form that takes. For example:

Many of my readers are single now, through widowhood, divorce, break-up, or choice, and are having sex solo. One of my missions is to help these readers understand how sex toys can enhance this experience and may even mean the difference between achieving that elusive orgasm or not. Hence all the sex toy reviews.

Many of my readers are dating or ready to date and know that options have changed and the “rules” upturned since they last dated, which might have been 40 years ago! I want to encourage, educate, and, I hope, entertain readers about DWO: Dating While Old(er).

Many of my readers are coupled, but their sex lives have been altered by age, illness, medications, and myriad emotions that interfere with sexual experience and/or satisfaction. I want to offer resources to enourage readers to express their sexuality and keep their intimacy strong, even when life throws out obstacles.

Many of my readers are still having great sex at age 60, 70, 80+, and I want to share their stories — and advice — here and in my books.

I use this blog for all of the above, plus answering reader questions, reviewing books, and showcasing experts in the growing field of sex and aging.

To answer Scott’s last concern directly, no, I am not having sex with another person at this time of my life. Okay, it’s out there.

However, even when my beloved Robert was alive and vital and we were having amazing sex, my blog wasn’t about recounting our sexual intimacies for the voyeuristic enjoyment of my readers. Plenty of other blogs do that — many of them are on the top 100 list with me. My blog is educational, not erotic. I consider myself an advocate for ageless sexuality and a sex educator in that new arena. Credibility? I’ve got it.

I hope this answers Scott and others who might have those questions, also. Readers, I hope you’ll comment!


  1. Epiphora on November 20, 2009 at 2:25 am

    What a dumb comment. Why does it matter if you're having so-called "actual sex" or not? Keep doing what you're doing… sometimes I feel the same way when my readers want something more "erotic" and I don't want to go that route.

  2. Hercules on November 15, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    So that you know I think you are amazing for what you do and your response was right on the money. This person Scott obviously has a certain way he looks at sex and it is important the he and others know the is much more to it. Like Joan, I discuss and work with people about intimacy and sex (My name is Hercules and you can see me at )and even though what Joan and I do is talk about sex, in a lot of ways we are not. For example Joan mentioned about illness and medication which is something as we get older effects are sex lives. Is there anything erotic about that, I do not think so. It is a simple fact that happens and people need to know that 1. they are not alone and 2. there is information (Joan and other to be exact) and solution out there. So someone like Scott and others open yourselves to be more accepting. Again Joan keep up the great work. Oh and I love the DWO: Dating While Old(er) term. I will tell that to some of my clients. BRAVO!

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