I’m interviewed frequently about tips for staying sexy as we age. Here are some points I sent a reporter recently:
- Explore: As we age, our sexual needs and preferences may change. Where we like being touched, how we like being touched, even who we want to touch us may change. Let the changes be an opportunity to explore.
- Educate yourself: Learn the normal signs of aging and the signs that there may be a medical issue. Learn how aging affects sexual function, response, and orgasm. Learn about sex toys!
- Communicate: Learn to talk about sex. Express what you’d enjoy, what you’d like to try, what doesn’t work for you anymore. Ask your partner questions: what would you like me to do, how can I give you pleasure, what’s off limits?
- Keep a positive attitude: Just because our sexual responses don’t work the way they did when we were young doesn’t mean they don’t work – it just means they work differently.
- Understand responsive desire: Desire may not be spontaneous anymore, if it ever was. Now we may require physiological arousal before the desire kicks in. That’s not a defect. It’s just a different way desire works.
- Enjoy goal-free pleasure: We are capable of wonderful sensations. Let yourself enjoy them without worrying about erections or orgasm.