Whatever your age, and whether you're in a relationship now or on your own, it's important to keep your sexual self vibrant and healthy. Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty offer information and resources.
Do you have questions you’d like to ask Joan privately about issues interfering with your sexual enjoyment? As a sex educator specializing in senior sexuality, Joan Price is available for private, educational consultations (not erotic or sensual) via phone, email, Skype, or FaceTime, or in person in Sonoma County and San Francisco Bay Area. For information, please email joan. Serious inquiries only, please.
In 2006, I wrote 10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty, which continues to get a lot of positive attention. Several readers, though, remind me that these tips are aimed at couples, and we're not all in sexual relationships. You're right, readers, we're not all partnered – and self-pleasuring is important at our age. "Where are the tips for hot SOLO sex after 60?" you ask. Here you are! Enjoy!
10 Tips for Hot Solo Sex after Sixty
By Joan Price
1. Plan for solo sex. At this time of life, we need slow arousal and gradual build-up. So set aside enough private time to enjoy the journey without rushing. Set up whatever you need for comfort, such as special pillows. Shut off distractions like phone and computer, lock the door, and settle in for pleasure.
2. Enjoy solo sex during high energy times. When do you feel most sexually charged? When you first wake up? After morning coffee and a good poop? Mid-afternoon? That's when to indulge in a solitary romp, rather than after a meal when you're digesting or at night when your sensations are shutting down.
3. Create your own foreplay. Do sexy things that get you in the mood. Read erotica, watch porn, write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a waterproof vibrator into the bath or shower, whatever starts your path to arousal. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your body with lingerie, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight--whatever feels good and puts you in the mood.
4. Use a silky lubricant. Don't just settle for the drugstore variety -- there are many different varieties of lubricants for moisture and slickness that feel great and bring back the joy of friction, whether we're using our hands or a toy. Experiment to find your favorites. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently.
5. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. Women: try a clitoral vibrator, with or without a dildo, depending whether you like the feeling of a full vagina. (Read the many vibrator reviews on this blog to help you choose.) Men: try a sleeve, cock ring, or prostate stimulator. Lucky for us that sex toys for both genders are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!
6. Fantasize. Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners, nothing off limits. Indulge in whatever arouses you. Be open to whatever comes into your mind, even if it is something you would not do in real life. No fantasy is "wrong," and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on. Just go with it.
7. Be physical in daily life. Walking, biking, dancing, yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, and other forms of exercise all enhance blood flow and get you in touch with your own physicality. This translates to your sexual arousal because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. Plus you mentally feel "in your body."
8. Realize that your solo practice not only gives you pleasure, it's important for health. Experts recommend at least one orgasm a week for both men and women for genital health and for heart health as well. Weekly orgasms keep the pelvic floor strong and the nerves firing, boost the immune system, and reduce the risk of incontinence, depression, and heart disease. Men – regular orgasms are important for prostate health.
9. If you think you're not in the mood, do it anyway. It's too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once we're out of the habit, it's harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread tips #1-8, and just do it. You'll find that the physical arousal will happen, that that will trigger your emotional arousal, and that triggers more physical arousal, until it's all working just right.
10. Don't think of solo sex as "settling for" a substitute for partner sex. You're celebrating your own sexuality, glorying in your body's capability of pleasing you, and enjoying the journey. This is a gift you can give yourself whenever you want, and isn't that wonderful?
(These tips are copyright 2010 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from Joan Price. Thank you!)
Sex & Aging Blog
You'll find senior sex news, views, and reviews of everything from relevant books to sex toys that are especially good for folks our age at my blog about sex and aging. I've been blogging since 2005, so there's a lot of information. Scroll down the right-hand side and use the "labels" list to find topics that interest you especially. I welcome your comments on the blog and your emails to me.