The longer you’ve been together, the more likely that your dating life has fallen into a predictable pattern. You may not even have a “dating life” anymore, relying on a routine that may be comfortable, but no longer has sparks of excitement. I’m sure you’ve read advice from me and others: schedule date nights, go somewhere new, try a new sex toy (I definitely endorse that one!), role play a fantasy. But all that takes planning, time, and usually money. Here’s something that takes none of those:
Relive Your First Dates
Rediscover the excitement of when you were new to each other by re-experiencing your first dates together.
- Ask each other to describe what you remember about your first date: how you met, your first impressions of each other, what attracted you (or didn’t!), what you said to each other. Fill in details for each other.
- Share what you remember about your second date, and the communications leading up to it. What do you remember about your fantasies about how the second, third, fourth dates might turn out?
- When did you first kiss? Where were you? Who made the first move? What did it feel like?
- Share what you remember about the first time you had sex together. Was it sweet? Awkward? Funny?
- If you have emails, letters, or journal entries about this early time, share whatever you feel comfortable sharing.
- Tell each other, “Here’s one thing you don’t know about why I fell in love with you….”
- If this is feasible, repeat some version of your first date: go to the same place, order the same meal, take the same walk, or whatever you did, exchanging more memories about the excitement of first being in each other’s life.
You may find that those early, anticipatory, sexy feelings come right back. Give it a try!
After I posted this, a reader commented on my Naked at Our Age with Joan Price Facebook page, “We reenacted our first date, but my wife got mad when I dropped her off at her parents’ house.” (!)