If you were asked to define “real sex,” what would you answer? Take a moment to think about that.
Does your definition of “real sex” describe the kind of sex that you’re having? The kind of sex that arouses you and brings you pleasure? The kind of sex that you really desire at this time of your life? Or is it the kind of sex that you grew up thinking you were supposed to want? Or the kind of sex that isn’t possible for you right now, maybe because you don’t have a partner, or you have medical issues?
I urge you to enjoy sex more by changing your definition of “real sex” to whatever activities arouse you and bring you sexual or sensual pleasure, partnered or solo, whether or not this fits what you used to think of as real sex.
For example, most of us were taught that real sex was PIV (penis-in-vagina). That might not describe what we do, or can do, or want to do now. Instead of seeing sex as a goal — if we’re not doing it a certain way, we’re failing — see sex as pleasure. What sensations do you like? What parts of your body do you like stimulated? What arouses you? What brings you to orgasm? How does all this differ from what you thought sex was supposed to be?
I encourage you to expand and embrace a new definition of sex– it will serve you well. It can be extremely freeing to let go of those old notions about what sex is supposed to be and how it’s supposed to work, and concentrate instead on what feels good. Read one subscriber’s account of what happened when he did this in his guest post on my blog here.