Favorite Sex Toys for Seniors: Gift Guide for Our Lovers and Ourselves

2021 gift picks

 

Kitten with sex toy bag

Bag from The Smitten Kitten

Lucky me, many sex toys cross my path and vie for my reviews from a senior perspective. When I’m not working on a review (“This is work?” you ask. Actually, it is, and also wonderful), I reach for my favorites. Here are the toys that win my current “keep these charged and within reach at all times!” status. A couple have been favorites for decades. Others are new discoveries. All are recommended for our age group, because of their strength, ease of use, and high quality.

Though I can’t promise that you’ll have the same experience I do, I find that these come pretty close to guaranteeing orgasms, even at our age. Check out my sex toy gift guide.

But first —

 

Tips for gift-giving a vibrator

  • Make sure that you’re prioritizing the way your giftee receives pleasure, not what you think they ought to enjoy. Best way to find out? Show your lover this post and ask what they’d like best. Don’t worry about ruining the surprise. Foreknowledge is better than an embarrassing surprise of a vibrator that your giftee doesn’t want and doesn’t like. A gift certificate might be a good choice, if available from your chosen retailer.
  • Absolutely do not look for a cheap knock-off to save some bucks. If you needed a power tool to get a job done, you wouldn’t buy one of unknown origin, from a shady vendor, with no warranty, with parts made of questionable material and a motor that sputters instead of gets the job done, would you? So why would you trust a lover’s intimate parts to a low-quality, short-lived, even potentially chemically toxic product?
  • Buy quality, and please support the folks who care about your health, safety, and pleasure (such as the retailers I link to in the sidebar and in reviews) instead of an unknown vendor or the richest retailer in the world (you know who I mean).
  • If you haven’t treated your own genitals to a special gift lately, find one for yourself as well! Not sure what you’d like? Read How to Choose a Vibrator and answer the questions.

Note that the first mention of each toy below links to my or Shamus’s review of that vibrator, so you can learn more before deciding if it’s for you. Within the original review, links go to retailers that I endorse and that are supportive of my senior sex pleasure and education, not just sales.

 

Joan’s Five Favorite Sex Toys for Vulva Owners

sex toys

Clockwise from top left: Magic Wand, Eco, Eroscillator with 2 attachments, Touch, Kurve

 

magic wand rechargeable

Magic Wand Rechargeable

From my first one purchased in the “personal care” department of Macys to the updated rechargeable version from Good Vibrations, the Magic Wand has been my vulva’s solo sex companion for  half a century.  This version has a large, wipe-clean silicone head, and four speeds. Since it’s rechargeable, no cords to deal with when in use and no need for an outlet. It’s heavy and loud, but it does its one job very, very well, and it’s built to last for years.  This  is the one to reach for when you want super strong clitoral stimulation for an easy orgasm. (Note that it’s an external vibrator, which I have to mention because I get questions about how it fits in a vagina. It doesn’t!)

 

eco from womanizerEco from Womanizer

Eco is a beautiful, environment-friendly, ergonomic clitoral stimulator using “Pleasure Air Technology.” It feels like your clitoris is being gently sucked or nibbled and vibrated at the same time. This model is unusual because all its parts are recyclable. Like all the Womanizer pleasure tools, it’s powerful, and the sensations are unlike any other kind of vibrator. Everything about the Eco is special: the feel, the appearance, even the cotton bag. I recently reviewed three Womanizer models, and all three are treats for your (or your lover’s) clitoris.

 

 

eroscillatorEroscillator

Oh, Eroscillator, let me count the ways! This clitoral stimulator has been my orgasm tool of choice since long before I started writing about sex or reviewing sex toys. I’ve used it joyfully (a) solo; (b) with a partner for clitoral stimulation during intercourse; and (c) for clitoral stimulation during partner-assisted “outercourse.”  Up to 3600 steady “oscillations” a minute make orgasm easy and thrilling. The Eroscillator comes with snap-on attachments so you can vary the shape of the head. My favorite is the “soft finger” (I call it the “marshmallow”) attachment, shown here.  Caveat: it needs to be plugged in during use.

 

touch-x from we-vibeTouch X from We-Vibe

The Touch X is the ideal travel vibrator, whether you’re on a long trip or a hot date. Tiny enough to pack in a pocket or purse, the intensity is surprisingly strong — powerful enough for our slow-burning, senior vulvas. The innovative shape lets you choose to envelop the vulva or use the tip for pinpoint sensation. It’s small enough not to get in the way during penetrative partner sex, too. Compared to older versions of the Touch, this one is even stronger and more rumbly, with improved controls for ease of use. Rechargeable, completely waterproof.

 

Kurve from Hot Octopusskurve from hot octopuss

Oh my goodness, the Kurve, a strong, rumbly vibrator designed for vaginal penetrative pleasure, is my clear winner for  2021 sex toy innovation. The dual motors create a party in  your vagina of  deep, throbby bass vibrations coupled with higher (but not buzzy) treble frequencies. It cuddles the G-spot with intense vibrations yet the pressure at the tip is soft and cushiony. This orgasm tool is for you if your vagina enjoys the feeling of fullness with vibrations, and 1.5 inch diameter of the biggest insertive part isn’t a problem. (I’ve talked to Hot Octopuss about the need for slimmer toys for many senior women — stay tuned!)

I asked Shamus MacDuff to choose his favorite sex toys, too. He selected two recently reviewed favorites and two all-time, never-fail favorites:

Shamus Macduff’s Four Favorite Sex Toys for Penis Owners

Clockwise from top left: Arcwave Ion, JETT, Volta, Nos

jett from hot octopuss

ION from Arcwave

Ion is manufactured specifically to entertain a penis solo. My suggested instructions for your pleasure: (1) Lube the tube; (2) Lube your penis; (3) Insert Penis A in Tube B; (4) Fasten your seatbelt; (5) Find the “magic spot” in the ION tube that initiates the action on your frenulum; (6) Hang on for a ride!

 

 

Jett

JETT from Hot Octopuss

JETT  is purely a penis joy toy. Revel in the sensations of its variable bass and treble motors. Make music using JETT’s 10 vibration patterns. Its flexible sleeve fits over the penis and the two vibrating stainless steel balls scoot underneath. A separate battery-powered control box connects by cords. JETT is my “go-to” masturbation toy.

 

 

volta from fun factory

VOLTA from Fun Factory

The versatile Volta vibrator was made with vulva owners in mind. But my partner and I find that it works wonderfully on a penis, either combined with fellatio or as a well-lubed stroker. Volta also feels marvelous on nipples or any other erogenous zone. It is our prime sex tool when my partner wants to pleasure me and is also fun for solo sex.

 

NŌS from Fun FactoryNŌS from Fun Factory

NŌS is a clever little device that fits on a penis and vibrates at different power levels. The vibrations will make you hard quickly and wearing it as a cock ring will help you keep your erection. Wear the the ring around the base of the penis with the open parts dropping down to provide delightful sensations to the testicles. Or place the ring just behind the ridge at the head of the penis to send thrumming vibrations to the frenulum and the sensitive ridge simultaneously. While marketed for partner play, it’s great for solo pleasure.

Want sex toy education and more choices?

Enjoy my Sex Toys for Seniors webinar

At our age, a well-chosen, well-placed vibrator can mean the difference between orgasm or no orgasm. What do vibrators do that a hand or partner can’t? How do I choose the best one(s)? What if my partner doesn’t want mesex toys for seniors to use a sex toy? Will using a vibrator decrease my sensitivity? Will I become dependent on a vibrator? Are there good sex toys for penises as well as vulvas?

Sex Toys for Seniors webinar includes:

  • Joan’s criteria for evaluating sex toys
  • 8 questions to help you choose your personal vibrator.
  • 5 myths and facts about vibrators.
  • Show-and-tell: Joan’s highly recommended sex toys for seniors.
  • Links for recommended sex toys.

Although this 90-minute webinar was made in 2017, it’s as relevant today, and you’ll likely discover a new favorite (or first favorite!) orgasm tool!

Don’t forget the lube!

For sexy times when you’re not using a silicone sex toy, you can’t beat the smooth, slick feeling of überlube silicone lube. Being silicone, it won’t dry up in use, making it perfect for both penetrative and non-penetrative sex. It’s condom compatible and never sticky. The travel-friendly refillable case with insert makes a great gift for yourself or a lover. I’ve given gifts of überlube to friends who say it immediately became their favorite brand.

It’s fun to try new brands of lubricants. Lucky Bloke  offers many different lubricant sample packs. Choose from silicone, water-based, or flavored. These are great for travel, personal exploration, and to tuck in an overnight bag or purse for a date that might turn special. And if you’re single or not fluid-bonded with your partner(s), Lucky Bloke specializes in condoms of all types, brands, materials, and sizes. Try a sampler pack of condoms.

For use with silicone sex toys, you’ll want to use water-based lubricant. Wicked Sensual Care has a new line called Simply that’s pH-balanced and free of glycerin, propylene glycol, parabens, and fragrance. There are several options, and I especially recommend Simply Aqua Jelle, which is a thicker and longer-lasting formulation.

For an oral sex treat, try the remarkable flavored lubricants from Wicked Sensual Care. My favorite? Mango!  Try one or both of the two Teasers sampler packs — Coffee House mix and Fresh Fruit Mix — with four luscious flavors each. Just between us, these flavored lubes don’t work as lubricants as much as “flavoring” during oral sex because they’re so tasty that you’ll end up slurping up every drop. The recipient of your oral ministrations won’t mind that one bit.

Give your clitoris some joy with the Womanizer Premium, Eco, or Liberty!

 

Womanizer Liberty, Premium, Eco

I encountered the first Womanizer clitoral stimulator in 2015, and I was shocked by the name. Did this German company really name a vulva sexual-pleasure product after the generic philanderer, a man who uses and deceives women? But because the quality was so marvelous, I got used to the name.

It was similar to getting used to the name “iPad,” which also shocked me when it came out in 2010. “Why would Apple name a new product after a woman’s sanitary napkin?” I asked my friends. “Don’t any women work at Apple?” I got used to it. I’ve forgiven both Apple and Womanizer for jarring my sensibilities.

I’ve been reviewing Womanizer products ever since, and each iteration delights even more. The two newest Womanizers that I own — the Premium Eco and Premium — are so wonderful that I can’t choose which I like best. Both models, like all Womanizer sex toys, use “Pleasure Air Technology”: air pulses with vibrations. The combo feels like gentle sucking and vibrating at the same time. For best results, use water-based lubricant on both your clitoris and the stimulator head. Luscious. Orgasmic.

Although they look similar in the photo except for color, and they do feel similar in use, they are made of different materials and each has unique qualities. For clarity, I’ll refer to the Premium Eco as “Eco” to differentiate it from the “Premium” (non-Eco).

Here’s what the two models have in common:

  • 12 intensity levels, from subtle to yowza. As power-hungry as I am, I don’t need the strongest setting, and that’s rare for me.
  • Smart Silence.” It’s only active when it’s in contact with your skin. That means no fumbling to turn it off if interrupted, or if you need to add more lube. Just break contact with your skin and it goes into standby mode until it touches you again. Sweet.
  • Two stimulator heads of slightly different shapes and sizes so your clitoris gets the fit she likes. The head pops off for cleaning.
  • Ergonomic design. The shape is easy to hold, and there are no vibrations in the handle — which my arthritic wrist appreciates greatly. The controls are simple to use without looking, and you won’t accidentally turn it off.
  • Easy USB charging with magnetic connection.
  • 5-year warranty coverage for all Womanizer products.

Photos of Womanizer Eco and Premium

 

Here’s how these two models differ:

  • They turn on and off differently. 
    • Start the Eco by pressing the “+” button until the little light goes on. Note that the motor won’t start until the head is in contact with your skin. Turn it off by pressing and holding the “-” button.

      Premium power button

    • Turn the Premium on or off by pressing and holding the tiny power button above the three dots near the end of the handle. Use the “+” or “-” button to increase or decrease the intensity.
  • Getting wet: The Eco is splash-proof only. The Premium is completely waterproof.
  • Autopilot.” On the Premium, when this feature is activated, intensity levels alternate randomly.  This doesn’t appeal to me because I like to be in charge of the intensity, but if you like surprises, this could be a cool feature.
  • Manuals.
    • The Eco manual is short, to the point, clearly written and illustrated with diagrams, always black print on white page. And if you lose the booklet, here it is online. Save this link because when it’s time to recycle, it tells you how.
    • The Premium, however, includes a hefty, multi-language booklet with — get this! — white print on a pinkish-beige page. C’mon, Womanizer, we’ve got some old eyes here. In other words, it’s illegible. Because I like to save the day when I can, I’ve tracked down a PDF version of the manual with print you can read and  enlarge to your eyes’ content. You’re welcome.

illegible Premium manual

What’s Special about the Eco?

image

Eco disassembled into recyclable parts

Eco is made with bio-based material that is also biodegradable. The whole thing is recyclable (once disassembled, which the manual illustrates). The amount of plastic is drastically reduced. Inside is a 14500 cylindrical 3.7 V lithium-ion rechargeable battery which may need to be replaced eventually. Even the cord and bag are environment-friendly.

If you force me to choose between the two models, I vote for Eco, because I love that Womanizer is trying to help the planet. The cute cotton bag is nice, too.

 

What About Travel?

 

Tuck the lovely little Liberty into your travel bag for orgasms on the go. The Liberty lives in a sleek, beautifully shaped case that is magnetized so that the two halves seal together. Of course it’s not as strong as the bigger models, but it still packs a punch with 6 intensity levels. And it’s waterproof!

Note that the Liberty turns both on and off by pressing and holding the “+” button. It would be nice if all the models used the same on-off process, but if that’s my only complaint, no need to get grumpy about it.

 

 

Womanizer + Clitoris = Orgasm

Despite the name, Womanizer products have been delighting clitoris owners for years. I’ve personally reviewed six models here, and only one, the Starlet, disappointed. From the first utterly garish model to the current elegant deliverers of delight, Womanizer sex toys are among my top choices for dependable, euphoric orgasms. Of course we’re all different, and the “pleasure air technology” may or may not be your path to pleasure. Speaking as one 78-year-old woman, it sure does it for me.

Thank you, Womanizer, for providing the Eco , Premium , and Liberty, in exchange for an honest review.

 

 

In case you’re wondering why almost every sex toy that I review gets a rave recommendation:

Yes, I test my share of vibrators that disappoint. But why waste your time or mine reviewing a product that you don’t need to know about? (Exception: if the product gets a lot of undeserved hype, or is so hilariously unsexy that I want you to laugh with me, like the Orgasmatron 3-corded jackhammer and the Siime Eye for vaginal selfies.)

Most of the vibrators that I decide not to review aren’t bad, but they’re nothing special. Maybe they’re not close to strong enough, or they’re awkward to use, or they’re like so many others that there’s not much new to say. I don’t want you to have to wade through reviews of products that aren’t stellar when there are gems that I want you to know about that you might not encounter on your own.  I realize that a sex toy that leaves me “eh!” might strike someone else as “yeah!” so I’m not going to pan it, I just don’t review it. My sex toy providers understand that sending me a product is not a guarantee of a review.

LAT (Living Apart Together) for Seniors By Mac Marshall

drawing of 2 houses joined by love

 

"Being Apart -Teaches-Us How To Be Together"

copyright OurMindfulLife,com, used with permission.

Many of us over 60 are widowed, divorced, or maybe single our whole lives. We’ve gotten used to being independent. We’ve created a life for ourselves, with our own routines, habits, activities, and friends. We’re happy living on our own.

Then we meet someone — and ka boom!

Hearts aflutter, sex drive in high gear, intimacy is ours. We fall in love. Our closeness grows. We feel a strong commitment to each other. Our next step must be…

No, no, no! We don’t want to get married. We don’t even want to live together.

We relish our visits — especially the overnight ones! — and we equally relish the return to our own home afterwards. For many of us, the idea of marriage or even cohabitation may be unattractive, undesirable, or unworkable. Because of our personalities or our circumstances, we don’t want to mingle homes, finances, and legal obligations. Fortunately, there’s a lifestyle choice and relationship modality that describes what we want, and many of us are living that way now.

LAT is shorthand for “living apart together.” LAT is a long-term, committed, romantic connection without an intent to share a home.

LAT presents an attractive long-term relationship alternative to traditional marriage. It is a lifestyle choice—a new emergent family form, especially among older adults.

In a LAT relationship, a couple who’ve developed strong, loving feelings for one another nevertheless choose to reside separately. Usually, they get together on a regular basis, but each retains a separate abode. People in a LAT relationship treasure their times together, and they equally value their autonomy and alone time. LAT offers the separation that complements our need for togetherness. For many, it provides the best of both worlds.

Why might you, as seniors, prefer a LAT relationship over marriage or living together?

  • You each maintain your own home and private space.
  • You each retain and interact with your own friends and social network.
  • You each keep control over your own finances.
  • You each pursue activities and hobbies which may not interest the other partner.
  • You rely on each other for emotional intimacy and support without being together all the time.
  • You celebrate your personal autonomy concurrent with the joy of regular close companionship.
  • By not cohabiting 24/7, the time you spend together is ever sweeter.

 

Does LAT appeal to you? Do you live that way now? Any tips for readers who are considering LAT? We welcome your comments, experiences, and questions.

Mac Marshall

 

Mac Marshall, PhD is a retired anthropology professor, researcher, and author who is delighted to explore sexuality studies at this time of his life.

We-Vibe Touch X and Tango X: updates that make a difference

My vulva and I first encountered the Touch and Tango external vibrators from We-Vibe in 2012. The Touch quickly became my favorite travel vibrator because the small size bestowed powerful vibrations. Over the years We-Vibe improved these two fine vibrators by making them more rumbly, more powerful, more ergonomic, easier to charge. The new Tango X and Touch X are the latest iterations of these pleasure tools, and they’re marvelous.

 

Touch X

So much to love about the Touch X! Despite its tiny size, the vibrations are strong, and the shape is ideal for a senior vulva that needs strong stimulation. You can use it several ways:

  • Cup the clitoris in the curved, shallow, bowl-like section.
  • Hold it upright with the pointy tip on the clitoris or the clitoral hood.
  • Cover the clitoris and labia with the Touch held lengthwise, pointy tip either at the entrance to the vagina or on the clitoral hood, your choice.
  • Give the clitoris extra stimulation during partner sex (penetrative or not).
  • What else? Let me know in the comments how you like to use it, if you’re willing to share.

Touch X (blue) + Touch (purple)

Reviewing the 2018 Touch, I was ecstatic about the improvements. Everything I liked then is even better now in 2021, I am thrilled anew by the power, comfort, and shape of the Touch X.

I don’t know if this will be an annoyance for you, but as you can tell if you enlarge the photos, the Touch X is a lint magnet. Just wash it before use as well as after. The feel of the matte silicone is worth it. Use plenty of water-based lubricant for optimal pleasure.

Tango X

Tango (white) and Tango X (red)

Use Tango X’s pointy tip, flat end, or the whole surface area for external stimulation however and wherever you want it: clitoris, vulva, nipples, penis, scrotum. Use it solo or with a partner during PIV or any other preferred sexual expression.

The redesigned Tango X sports a silicone handle which makes it easy to hold, even with lubed fingers.  The earlier plastic Tango models, while enjoyable, were super slippery to hold while using lubricant. If I didn’t hold it tightly, it might jump right out of my hand and send me scurrying to capture it in the bedsheets.

If I did hold it tightly, the vibrations transmitted directly to my hand, intensifying my wrist arthritis and making it problematic to hold for any length of time. Although I still feel the vibrations in my hand with Tango X, the intensity is dampened by the silicone layer, so it’s less bothersome. This is a huge improvement for those of us with arthritis.

 

Both Touch X and Tango X

Touch X controls

Both Tango X  and Touch X will delight you with 8 vibrational intensities and 7 patterns, and these can be combined. In other words, if you like the boop-boop-cha-cha-cha pattern, you can make the intensity subtle or  yowza or anything in between. Earlier models let you choose an intensity or a pattern, but not both.

Tango X controls

The controls have been redesigned and are much improved. Earlier models had one control button at the end. You pressed it for different intensities and patterns, cycling through the possibilities to find the right setting. The Tango X has raised buttons for “+” and “-” and a separate “~” button for patterns, making it much easier to find a preferred setting.

Charging is also easier than earlier models, which had a magnetic charger that slipped off easily, leaving your vibrator sitting there uncharged. The new versions also charge magnetically, but now the magnets won’t disengage until you pull them apart.

Touch X and Tango X are waterproof for bath time fun!

 

Which would you like best?

That’s a matter of personal preference, of course. The two vibrators behave similarly, but with an entirely different design and therefore a different feel. If you prefer pinpoint clitoral stimulation, you’ll like Tango X . If you like more overall vulva sensation (which stimulates the internal clitoris as well as the external nub), you’ll get that with Touch X. If you like varying pinpoint and overall, Touch X does both. If you want a toy that feels especially delightful to a penis, Tango X will get your vote.

 

Speaking of penises!

These toys are marketed for vulvas, but the design, power, and sensations will have your penis of choice shivering with pleasure. The Tango especially is just right for your penis owner’s solo or partnered play. For partnered play, turn it on and try some or all of these:

  • Roll the length of the Tango up, down, and around the consenting penis’s shaft.
  • Target the consenting frenulum with the flat end.
  • Use it on the scrotum during while the consenting penis is in your mouth

 

Try this:

For an extra zing, try chilling them first: see Refrigerator Sex.

 

Thank you, We-Vibe, for sending me these luscious new pleasure tools in return for an honest review.