Ring the Bell!
What’s the one thing people remember most, comment on most, and ask me about most from the flurry of interviews* published lately? It’s the bell! The BELL! The bell is a playful and erotic ritual that my partner and I use before our sex dates to signal readiness. Here’s how we do it:
- We schedule the sex date days in advance. At our age, especially, planning and anticipating makes it sexier — as well as more likely to happen.
- On that day, we check in with each other: “Is this still a good time?” Sometimes health issues or worries make it better to reschedule, so we allow for that.
- If it’s a yes, we retreat to separate rooms to get ready, assemble whatever we might want to use (lube, fully charged vibrators, clean-up cloths, etc.), and shower.
- When he’s ready, he puts on his cozy bathrobe, grabs a book, and waits in the living room, reading, listening….
- When I’m ready, I ring the bell! That’s the signal for him to come in.
The excitement begins long before we join each other in bed, because anticipating the bell is sexy. Ringing the bell is sexy. Hearing the ringing of the bell is sexy! It’s also a playful component to sex.
Joan rings the bell
Do you have your own story about using a bell or something else to signal to your partner that you’re ready for sex? If so, email me with the word “bell” in the header. I’ll add some of the responses (omitting your names, unless you want to be identified) to this post. Looking forward to hearing from you!
*I’ve been fortunate to be interviewed by the New York Times, Modern Love podcast, and many additional podcasts from January through April 2026.