Please make time to watch Gen Silent. The producers of this LGBT Aging documentary have made it available free for home streaming through New Years Day 2014.
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender older people who fought the first battles for equality now face so much fear of discrimination, bullying and abuse that many are hiding their lives to survive. Thousands are dying earlier than their straight counterparts because they are isolated and afraid to ask for help. But a growing number of people are fighting to keep
LGBT aging from meaning aging in silence.
“LGBT elders are going back in the closet.”
“In the first nursing home, we weren’t welcomed there as a gay couple.”
“They [caregivers] didn’t want to touch my body.”
“You just know when they don’t want you there. When you feel they don’t want you, you’re in a state of stress.”
“All I can do is sit in shadows, holding his tissue-paper hand, watching him breathe.”
These are comments from LGBT elders speaking out about the prejudice, hostility, and fear they face. No, not just when they were young, but now — in long-term care facilities, from caregivers, and from medical providers.
KrysAnne, a transgender woman, is living alone at the end of her life. “Most people who transition expect losses, but I didn’t expect to lose everyone,” she says. “For two years, I desperately tried to connect with my family. In some cases the letters weren’t even opened.”
One letter that was returned contained the message, “So glad someone finally took off your balls. What do you call yourself now. FREAK or IT??”
I am permitted to embed the trailer:
After you watch the film, I hope you’ll contribute your comments. (By posting here, you’re giving me permission to use excerpts from your comments in my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, without identifying you in any way.)
On what planet? Oh, right, the youth planet!
Miley, you could teach me plenty about fame, music, handling bad publicity, and, I suppose, twerking (if I thought that I needed it to feel sexy, which I don’t, and if my 69-year-old back would handle it, which it wouldn’t).
My day job is writing and speaking about senior sex, which you think doesn’t exist. Here are just a few facts about it:
- Sex can be better after 40, 50, and 60 than it ever was in our 20s. Then, we as young women were driven by hormones, anxious about our partners liking us or finding us sexy enough, and not terribly good at communicating what we needed to reach orgasm. Our partners, also hormone-driven, rushed to their own finish, often leaving us behind. Often, our fear of pregnancy outweighed our enjoyment.
- Now, we’re no longer propelled by our hormones — we’re having sex for other reasons: sexual pleasure and release, intimacy, joy, bonding, emotional well-being, and about a gazillion other good reasons. We know how to slow down and enjoy the sensations and the feelings.
- Is sex the same at 50 or 70 as it was when we were your age? No. We do have challenges. We also have the knowledge (or know where to find it, such as in my award-winning book, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex) to overcome those challenges, and the communications skills to deal with them.
If you’d like to discuss this or battle me in a televised face-off (with Matt Lauer moderating), please have your people contact my people. I’d be delighted.
Please slow down and hear this:
Miley, I’ll be happy to send you a copy of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty to further your education (and, I hope, delight you), if you send me your mailing address.
Brian Alexander, a top sex and science journalist, interviewed me yesterday about this. Please read his smart and sassy article here. “You’re going to laugh about what Miley Cyrus just said,” he said when he called me. Yes, I laughed, I commented, and it got me so revved up that I had to expand my views here a day later. Thank you, Brian.
Recently, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by TV documentary film makers Lauren Buongiovanni Hunt, Linda Duvoisin, and their crew about my older-age sexuality views, experiences, and attitudes.
It was a fabulous experience! The film project, titled “69 and Up! Sex and Intimacy in the Golden Years,” is intended to reveal the sexual wants and desires of people age 69 and over, presenting us positively and joyfully.
Would you like to be involved? Here is the call for volunteer participants from Lauren, both written and via video, explaining what she and Linda are looking for. Again, the experience was totally positive for me — respectful, fun, absolutely non-sleazy. I hope you’ll want to participate, too.
From Lauren Buongiovanni Hunt:
I’m making a documentary film that explores sexuality, intimacy and older adulthood. I have a belief that my desires and drive for intimacy and sex will remain present throughout my lifetime While they may change (and/or even grow!), they will remain present and intact as I grow older. It seems to me that as the generation of the ‘sexual revolution’ enters older adulthood our culture needs to undergo an attitudinal revolution about how we view older people and their sexuality. After all, more and more of us will grow to live in older adulthood. Yet, one does not need to look very far to see how our society values youth and eschews the possibilities of the beauty of sensuality in older adults.
The film, 69 and Up! Sex and Intimacy in the Golden Years, will interview sex experts, doctors, sociological professionals as well as older adults who are beautiful examples of what the possibilities can be. The purpose of the film is to portray that the science and the practice demonstrates that sexuality and intimacy in the latter part of life is alive and well.
I am seeking volunteers who are willing to share their story – straight, gay, married, dating, widowed, etc. – as long as you are willing to be open for the purpose of sharing your experiences for the purpose of illuminating the challenges, successes and joys of sex and intimacy in older adulthood. I am seeking both men and women.
Email me at Lauren@gingersnappublishing.com for more information and/or questions about volunteering.
The Steve Harvey Show contacted me for help with this casting call. If you fit what they’re looking for, please respond directly to Lande Yoosuf, contact info below. I’d love it if you’d also post a comment here — this could become an interesting discussion! — Joan
Do you have an active and sexy lifestyle? Do you have adult children who are constantly nagging you because they see you as wild, and wish you would “act your age”? Do you believe that you ARE acting your age: having fun, expressing yourself fully and shamelessly, enjoying an ageless adventure?
Your lifestyle doesn’t have to be kinky — though it may be, as long as it’s SFDTV (“safe for daytime television”) — but your kids find your activities embarrassing. You can be married or single, and you’re open about your sexuality and sense of adventure.
Contact Lande Yoosuf to share your story! Please respond with this info:
- – Full Name
- – Age
- – Location
- – Phone Number
- – Professional Title / Occupation
- – 3 or more photos and at least one full length photo
- – An explanation of your story
The Steve Harvey Show