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Joan Price

Posts by Joan Price

Do you have an Advance Directive for Sexual Rights?

This important topic comes up so often when I speak or give interviews that I’m republishing this post from Oct. 2017. Please comment!

When do we lose the right to sexual expression? If we’re lucky enough to be active and independent now, we’re smart enough to realize that a time may come that we no longer can live on our own. What will you want for yourself? For your loved ones? How can you make sure that your wishes are respected?

Take some time to think about these ideas and questions:

  • When do we lose the right to sexual expression?
  • Does our right to sexual expression end if/when we can no longer live independently? If so, why?
  • Who determines whether we can still express ourselves sexually, and by what guidelines do they make that decision?
  • Do elders with dementia have the right to sexual expression? Who decides that, and on what basis?
  •  If staff members have a different personal belief about what’s appropriate sexual behavior (or non-behavior), do their values override our own?
  • If family members are uncomfortable with us having a sexual relationship, should their wishes supersede ours?
As uncomfortable as this might seem, I suggest you write down your personal policy about your right to sexual expression in your later years: an Advance Directive for Sexual Rights, let’s call it. Then  share it with your loved ones. Just because you might be unable to voice your wishes when the time comes doesn’t mean you no longer have those wishes.

 

Personally, I want the right to decide when and how I want to be touched sexually — whether by my own hand, a partner I’ve chosen, or a sex toy that they’d better not pry out of my arthritic hands — for the rest of my life. Don’t you?

If I end up living in a care facility, I imagine I won’t submit to rules easily, unless they are as progressive as the Hebrew Home at Riverdale (NY), which has had a sexual rights policy since 1995, and updates it periodically. Until other homes catch up, it’s up to us to make our wishes clear.

Have you written your Advance Directive for Sexual Rights? Here’s mine:

  • Make sure I have an outlet and batteries to keep my sex toys in working order.
  • Do not interfere with any warm connection I may be enjoying with any companion I choose, in any way I choose to express that connection.
  • If I’m involved with a sexual partner, make sure I have easy access to safer sex protection.
  • When I close the door—whether I’m alone or with another person—give me privacy.
  • If I’m still capable of sharing information about senior sexuality with residents and or staff, provide me with opportunities to do that.

What are yours?

[Excerpted from The Ultimate Guide to Sex after FiftyHow to Maintain – or Regain – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life  by Joan Price]

Senior Sex Research: Here’s what I’d like to know

7/31/19: I wrote this post in January 2017. I’m bringing it to the top again because this research is still sorely needed, and I don’t see the issues changing. Please feel free to contribute your thoughts!

When I started writing about senior sex in 2005, it was difficult to find studies about sex and aging. It’s somewhat better now, though still limited. Researchers are more open to including our age group, but I wonder if they’re asking the right questions.

I’m not looking for statistics, such as how many of us are having sex. Doesn’t that depend on (a) how the researchers and the subjects define “having sex” and (b) whether we have what we need (partner, privacy, physical ability, emotional intimacy) to have the kind of sex we want?

I’d like to see research into how we think about sex now, what determines quality of sex, what’s missing in our sexual worlds, what we’re learning about sex and about ourselves during our later years.

So while we’re waiting for the right research to be done, here are some questions for you if you’re over 50, 60, 70 and beyond:

1. If a researcher asked if you are “sexually active,” how would you answer? What would you mean by that answer?

2. How has the definition of “what is sex?” changed or evolved for you over time? What did it used to mean? What does it mean now? What made your definition change (if it changed)?

3. If you could be in any kind of sexual relationship you wanted, what would it be? Never mind how you might be judged — what would be ideal for the real you, maybe the secret you?

4. What would you like to tell our society about sex and aging?

I asked the good folks who follow my Naked at Our Age Facebook page, “If researchers wandered over here to learn what studies we’d like to see conducted about sex and aging, what would you suggest?” Here are some of their suggestions:

  • “Studies toward normalizing serial monogamous relationships. As we age, the chances are that we will lose our partner. When that happens, it should be easier to establish new relationships without feeling that we are betraying the partner who has died. We don’t have to give up our former love in order to love another person. I think we can keep the truth and warmth of the past love, have an additional love or two, without feeling that we have violated the truth of the first.”
  • “I’d love to see more of an in-depth study on how illness/ disability/ aging affect our sexuality and sex lives.”
  • “How about a serious, non-judgmental look at the multi-faceted, complicated reasons for diminished libido as we age? (Hormonal, psychological, physiological.) Why it affects some and not others and methods – again multi-faceted – for those who indeed want to revitalize their libido.”
  • “Can ingrained sexual scripts be changed enough so that new ways of ‘having sex’ aren’t seen as less satisfying than former ways?”
  • “What is the most effective way to help older adults get on board with safer sex?”
  • “The best ways to empower older adults to set, communicate, and respect sexual boundaries.”
  • “I’m fascinated by what seems to be a growing popularity of consensual non-monogamy, open marriages, and open relationships in the over 50 crowd. Is this just anecdotal or have others noticed it too?”
  • “Re-defining what ‘satisfying sex’ is to align better with how bodies change with age. This could go hand-in-hand with the ever-popular yet hardly discussed question, ‘What is sex?’ It can be so many things.”
  • “Seniors discovering and accepting polyamory.”

I’m eager to hear from you, whether you’d like to answer one of my questions or add to the list of what researchers should study. Please post a comment and include your real age. 

Let’s keep talking. The conversation has just begun!

P.S. When I invite you to comment, I’m inviting you — real people — to share your personal views. I’m not inviting ads for escort services, ED “cures,” cam sites, or other commercial enterprises. I shouldn’t have to say any of this, but the number of comments I have to delete indicates otherwise. [I know, the trolls and robots aren’t even reading this, but I have to try.]

Older Women Wear Lingerie, age 75

Joan Price

At age 75, I posed in lingerie with the extraordinary photographer Perry Gallagher. It was my fourth time in fancy underwear in front of a camera. The previous three were at age 65 and 68 with photographer Ruth Lefkowitz, and at age 72 with Perry. I had no idea the first time that this would become a regular event every few years.

It’s fascinating to me to watch my aging process over a decade of being “old” and to affirm that sexiness can be both internal and external. We’re so judgmental about ourselves, especially our bodies!

Oh sure, when I saw the 240 proofs, there were many that made me wince — did my thighs really look so puckered? But there were also many that made me smile and even laugh with joy. It was difficult to narrow down my choices because so many left me awestruck. 

Once I made my choices, Perry went to work. When he showed me the first edit, I said no. He had aged me backwards about 15 years by smoothing out the wrinkles, eliminating the skin spots, tightening the midriff. The photo was beautiful and glamorous — and know that he can do that for you, too! — but I wanted authenticity. I told him to edit much more lightly, because I wanted to celebrate aging, not erase it. The photos you see here are the result. I’m thrilled with them. 

And the whole process was fun! Perry loves his work and it’s clear that he really does see his subjects as beautiful. We joked and played seductive verbal games. I felt completely at ease with him and with myself. 

Here’s what I learned from this photo shoot and from the previous three:

  1. We are our own worst critics when we assess our own bodies.
  2. The eyes of a skilled photographer reveal us to ourselves in ways we can’t see on our own. 
  3. Whatever our age or the state of our body, we have beauty.
  4. Being photographed by a skilled photographer who sees our beauty is empowering.
  5. We don’t age out of sensuality or sexuality. 

Perry Gallagher is a visionary, and I’m proud and honored to be part of his vision. If you’re in or near LA, I hope you’ll contact Perry and book your own photo shoot. Whether you want your photos to be boudoir ( lingerie), fine art nude, portrait, or wedding, I guarantee that Perry will put you at ease and produce beautiful photos. When you meet him, ask him to tell you the story of how he got his first camera.

By the way, I have a standing date with Perry for my 80th birthday!

 

All photos here by Perry Gallagher Photography except for this one by Mac Marshall:

Joan Price Joins Sex Educator jessica drake in ‘Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex’

Jessica Drake
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Joan Price Joins 
Sex Educator jessica drake i
‘Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex’
Sebastopol Resident and Senior Sex Advocate
Shares Her Wellness Message in
New Chapter of Acclaimed Video Series!
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SEBASTOPOL, CA (March 19, 2019) – When 57-year-old Joan Price met Sonoma County artist Robert Rice, age 64, she embarked on a love affair that would change her life forever. Writing about their relationship led Price on a path to become an internationally known senior sex expert and advocate, revolutionizing the notion that sex has no expiration date. Today, the acclaimed 75-year-old author and Sebastopol resident is sharing her ageless sexuality message for seniors as she teams up with noted sex educator jessica drake in their upcoming film, “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex,” beginning production in April 2019.
Media members interested in attending the shoot in Los Angeles, or interviewing Price or drake, may email PR@GuideToWickedSex.com.
“I am thrilled to join with jessica, one of the leading sexual rights advocates, to share my message of sexual empowerment for seniors,” Price said. “Sex in our later years has its challenges, but sexual pleasure can be lifelong — with the right education, an open mind, a spirit of adventure, and a sense of humor. My mission is to provide information to help seniors enjoy sexual pleasure through the decades ahead.”
The newest edition of “Guide to Wicked Sex” brings together Price with noted performer, director and sex expert jessica drake, as they take viewers into the world of sexually-zesty aging. They explain — and performers illustrate — how couples and singles can keep the fire going and the body responding lifelong. This collaboration between the two sexperts will offer insights and tips for better intimacy after age 50, 60, 70, and beyond.
“I’m so excited to begin work on this newest installment of our award-winning series and demonstrate that sex can get better with age,” drake said. “I’m grateful to share in this effort with the amazing Joan Price who brings her vast knowledge and experience on the topic of sex for seniors. We’re looking forward to changing some attitudes and debunking misconceptions with this exciting edition of ‘Guide to Wicked Sex.’ This may be my favorite guide in the series and it hasn’t even been shot yet.”
“Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex” will feature explicit demonstrations along with sex scenes illustrating sex tips and techniques. The episode will feature people sharing their talents in a unique setting that is both instructional and compelling. The new edition of the series takes viewers through a variety of topics, from how aging affects our bodies and responsiveness, relationship communication, expanding what “great sex” can be, overcoming the obstacles, and staying sexual while solo.
Price’s journey as a senior sex advocate began 18 years ago after meeting artist Robert Rice. At age 61, she wrote “Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty” (Seal Press, 2006) to celebrate the delights of older-life sexuality. She followed that with “Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex” (Seal Press, 2011) and “The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50” (Cleis Press, 2014) to address the problems and challenges of sex in an aging body.
Robert Rice passed away from cancer in 2008, seven years after they met and two years after they married. Joan Price continues her work to transform attitudes about senior sex. She is currently writing a new book on a topic that is sorely needed: “Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Loss of Your Beloved.” “I couldn’t have written this book ten years ago or even two years ago,” she says, “But now it’s time.” Price writes intimately about her own grief journey and includes other grievers’ experiences.
Before Price became a sex educator, she had two other professions. She was  a high school English teacher for 22 years, the last 12 at Petaluma High School. A few years after a 1979 near-fatal automobile accident Price became a fitness professional, teaching that “exercise should be a treat, not a treatment.” She wrote several books about health and fitness, including “The Anytime, Anywhere Exercise Book: 300+ Quick and Easy Exercises You Can Do Whenever You Want.” Now, she teaches popular contemporary line dancing classes in Sebastopol and Santa Rosa, California.
About Joan Price:
Joan Price calls herself an advocate for ageless sexuality. She has been called other things by the media: “senior sexpert,” “the beautiful face of senior sex,” and—her favorite—”wrinkly sex kitten.” Joan has been writing and speaking about senior sex since 2005. Her books include:
  • Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Loss of Your Beloved, Joan’s newest book, coming August 2019.
  • The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain!– a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, her most comprehensive senior sex book.
  • Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, winner of Outstanding Self-Help Book 2012 from the American Society of Journalists and Authors and 2012 Book Award from American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.
  • Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty, Joan’s spicy memoir celebrating the joys of older-age sexuality.
  • Ageless Erotica, a steamy senior sex anthology which Joan conceived and edited.
At age 75, Joan Price continues to talk out loud about senior sex — partnered or solo – in speeches, workshops, and webinars, and on her zesty blog, Naked at Our Age, which includes senior sex news, views, and sex toy reviews from a senior perspective. She also writes the “Sex at Our Age” column for Senior Planet. Subscribe to her newsletter here and watch her entertaining, free webinar, “Safer Sex for Seniors”.
About jessica drake:
An exclusive Wicked Pictures performer, writer, and director, as well as a global humanitarian and emerging sexual wellness authority, jessica drake’s brilliant career is illuminated by her prodigious talent and adult industry clout. A recipient of three coveted AVN Best Actress awards and AVN’s Mainstream Star of the Year honor, jessica has solidified her status as one of the industry’s most illustrious stars. However, it is her time invested in healing, working alongside, and educating the public of which she is most proud. In her self-directed, written, and produced “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex” series of instructional videos, jessica brings erotic topics to life through intimate demonstrations performed by some of today’s top adult stars. Each edition addresses a different aspect of human sexuality, which is presented in the spirit of inclusion and explored with a distinct blend of knowledge, experience, and good humor. The series has earned recognition from AVN, XBIZ, and The Feminist Porn Awards, and is available on DVD, VOD and multiple streaming platforms.
A charismatic public speaker, the same demand for her modern sex education DVDs also takes jessica around the world – presenting seminars and workshops at expos, retail outlets, and colleges like USC, UCLA, and Chapman University – where she speaks to curious adults desiring to learn more about sex, romance, and communication. jessica also continues to be a paramount voice for sex workers across the world – she’s spoken at the Let Us Survive march, a rally for sex worker rights, and is a continuing sponsor of one of the first summits for sex workers, CatalystCon.
While jessica is certainly a performer at heart, her passion for sex education, advocacy, and inclusion are just as potent. “My passion comes from personal experience,” she states candidly, “from the idea we are all connected.”
For more information about jessica drake, visit Twitter.com/thejessicadrake.
About Guide to Wicked Sex:
Three-time AVN Best Actress winner and sexual wellness authority jessica drake brings erotic topics to life through intimate demonstrations performed by some of today’s hottest adult stars in her “Guide to Wicked Sex” series. The stimulating sequences are sensual, provocative and enlivened by an informative optional audio commentary. In each volume of “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex,” writer, producer, director, and host jessica drake addresses a different aspect of human sexuality, ranging from Fellatio and Anal to Basic Positions and Female Masturbation. jessica
explores each topic with the same distinct blend of knowledge, experience, and good humor, which led Dee Dennis, the founder of sexuality conference CatalystCon, to praise her as “an amazing sex educator and speaker, who represents a new direction and is breaking new ground” in the sexual self-help genre. The series’ volume on Fellatio earned AVN’s 2012 Best Educational Release trophy, “Anal” was named XBIZ’s 2012 Specialty Release of the Year, “Anal Sex for Men” received AVN’s 2014 Best Educational Release award, and “Plus Size” earned XBIZ’s 2015 Specialty Release of the Year. 
For more information, visit GuideToWickedSex.com, Facebook.com/GuideToWickedSexTwitter.com/Guide2WickedSex.
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