Saying “No” with Class: Rejections I’ve Liked

1/16/2023 update: One of my ongoing tasks is culling my 17+ years (!) of blog posts. Working backwards from 2005, I’m working on deleting those that are outdated, no longer interesting or useful, reviews of sex toys that no longer exist or from companies I no longer endorse, and so on.

Occasionally, though, I hit upon a topic that is as relevant now as when I wrote it, such as this one from 2011. If you’ve been rejected by a date or potential date — or done the rejecting — in a way that’s kind and respectful, please share in the comments.

 

Originally published January 2011:

My dabbling in online dating continues to be interesting, often funny, sometimes frustrating when the dating sites seem to ignore my criteria when announcing with great fanfare that they’ve found a match for me.

I’m going into this to expand my social life and meet good men who might become friends, or provide an hour of interesting conversation, or stimulate me to pursue a deeper relationship — or just remind me why I enjoy my single life. I’m not earnestly seeking a soul mate or looking to get married. This gives me the advantage of being able to take this whole process lightly, and my day is not ruined by a rejection or by the paucity of applause-inducing matches.

Sometimes I read a profile that leaves me saying, “Wow! I’d like to know this person!” and I send an e-note expressing why his profile interested me. Occasionally my interest is returned, but that’s rare (I’m not sure why). Usually I’m ignored. I really like it, though, when the recipient of my interest sends me a polite “No, thank you.”

To encourage you to do this, here are some of the nice ways I’ve been turned down:

  •     Thanks for the note and kind comments. My age range is general, like any sensible man would say, but it can be a factor. Equally, if not more, important, is the geographic range. While I know that your city is not on the other side of the moon [comment from Joan: we live about 40 mi. apart], it is too far for me at this point of this odd online dating process. I have tried the long distance relationship a few times, and each time, it proved too much the struggle. So, thanks for reaching out, and I wish you the best.
  •    I am so honored that you would send me an email. You look and sound like a delightful woman, and I enjoyed reading your profile. However, as flattered as I am by your contact, it’s my strong hunch that we’re really not a match. So, let me send you my best wishes for meeting your match.
  •    Actually, I am looking for a soul-mate. Dating and friendship is fine, but I would like to “go all the way” as it were. About four years ago, I dated a woman who had lost her husband and I thought we were a pretty good fit, but she loved her husband very much and had no room for me. You seem like a smart and interesting person, and I could be making a mistake, but somehow I feel that we aren’t a good fit either. You may be right in looking for a widower. Thanks for writing me.
  •    Thank you for the contact and the nice words. I am in a process of transition, learning to listen to myself and find out what I am looking for at this juncture in my life. You seem like a beautiful and interesting person. However at this point I don’t feel that we would be a good match for dating. I send my heartfelt wishes to you to find the person and love that you seek and deserve.

 

 Readers: Have you received “no, thank you” notes that made you smile instead of cringe? Have you sent any you’d like to share? Please comment.

 

How Do You End It?

I wrote this post 6 years ago, in 2016. I’d like to submit this question again, hoping to ignite a discussion. Please post your comments, and include your age. Thanks!

If you’re dating (or trying to date), I’d like your input:

Let’s say you met someone, either through online dating or some other way. It seemed to have potential as you started to spend time together and get to know each other, but soon you realized it wasn’t going to work out.

Which of these do you do?

  1. Say something like “I’m sorry, but I don’t see us as a match,” with a kind explanation.
  2. Say something like “I’m sorry, but I don’t see us as a match,” but with no explanation.
  3. Give an explanation that you know will hurt, but will definitely end things.
  4. Give the true reason you want to end it.
  5. Make up an excuse, e.g. decided to get back with an ex, or not ready to date again, or …?
  6. “Ghost” or “fade away”: you say nothing but don’t get in touch or respond when the other person contacts you.
  7. Other? (Please explain.)

Now switch roles:

If you’ve been on the receiving end of any of the above, which one(s) left you feeling okay? Awful? If rejection has to happen, how do you want to be rejected?

Do your answers change in any way if you and this new person have been sexual?

Please comment, and although you don’t need to give your real name (please choose something other than “Anonymous”), please include your real age. I’d like to contrast the views of our over-50, -60, -70 age group with those younger.

I look forward to your comments!

2022 update:

Do you need some help navigating the dating scene as a senior? View my webinar, “How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?

How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?, a webinar with dating tips for seniors

“How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?” a 90-minute webinar by Joan Price

I’m also happy to bring this interactive workshop to your group as a live virtual presentation. Contact me!

 

“He Wants Me Naked When I Fling the Front Door Open” – Roz Warren reviews Ageless Erotica

7/19/21 update. I just replenished my supply of Ageless Erotica — I had sold out yet again! — and thought you would enjoy this hilarious review by humorist Roz Warren from March 2013. Yes, Ageless Erotica is still available, from my website (autographed and shipped immediately!) or Amazon, or you can ask your local bookseller to order it.  It makes a great gift for yourself or another sexy senior. — Joan

“He Wants Me Naked When I Fling the Front Door Open”

– Roz Warren reviews Ageless Erotica

If you want a glimpse into the erotic imaginations of sex writers who’ve been around the block a few times, pick up a copy of Ageless Erotica, a new collection of sex writing by, for, and about seniors.

Joan Price is on a mission to “talk out loud about senior sex.” She gives lectures. She holds workshops. And she writes books. Better than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty was followed by Naked At Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. And now there’s Ageless Erotica, described as a “steamy assortment of erotic stories and memoir essays written for a mature audience.”

The book collects tales of seniors from all walks of life, gay and straight, vanilla and kinky, taking their clothes off and having a good time. I’ve never found erotica a turn-on, but I still got a kick out of reading it. I even learned a few things. (Masturbation clubs for women? Who knew?)

The stories in Ageless Erotica are a fascinating mix of the sensual, the medical and the humorous. The writing itself is all over the place. Laughingly abysmal. Unabashedly smutty. And, often, oddly moving.

Here’s a sampling of my favorite lines:

  • “My yoni was a ravenous hollow.”
  • “In a flash, he was butt-naked except for his socks.”
  • “I came in places I didn’t know I had.”
  • “My first blue cock. Would anything else on earth ever feel so good?”
  • “I played his instrument with my mouth as if it were a flute.”
  • “You are amazingly well constructed,” he said. “There’s evidence of too much sun on exposed areas, leaving a coarseness to the skin, but,” he added, stroking my ass, “the hidden parts are the silkiest I’ve ever felt.”
  • “Lifting her breasts away from her chest, he kissed his way down, until he found her sparse, gray pubic hair.”
  • “A lifetime of hard work let me afford trendy cashmere sweaters.”
  • “You have such beautiful, manly nipples, sweetheart.”
  • “I skipped teasing him with the knitted glove and went straight to the surgical one — in my actual size.”
  • “Filthy incoherence is always a positive sign at that point in our lovemaking.”
  • “He wants me naked when I fling the front door open.”
  • “It’s my boyish charm, as I’m told, that hangs around, unlike my hair.”
  • “I’ve included the inevitable butt plug.”
  • “A heavy date requires a slow day beforehand and a preparatory nap.”
  • “Off to the bedroom?” I asked with a wink.
  • “I clutch the sheets and yell, ‘Fuck, oh fuck, yes, yes, yes, do me, oh do me, thank you Sir, oh fuck, fuck, yes, yes, yes!’”
  • “We were naked before we even washed our vibrators.”
  • “I couldn’t remember if I had shaved the gray hairs from my lollipop just in case it was going to get licked.”
  • “Barry took my legs and spread them like a wishbone.”
  • “Tom Maynard, you’re as hard as a prize salami!”
  • “You can thank my hormone supplements. They do wonders for this kind of thing.”
  • “His first question when we met was, ‘Do you know how to gut a deer?’”
  • “He says, ‘I’m prepared,’ code for the Levitra pill he took a half hour ago.”
  • “My heart resumed a normal rhythm, all fears of another infarction vanished.”
  • “His tongue slid around my clit, which I’ve named Ethel, and over it, and too soon, I flooded with warmth.”

Intrigued? You can find Ageless Erotica on Joan’s website or at your local indy bookstore. If it’s not in stock, just give the salesperson a lascivious wink and ask him to order it for you. And Ethel.

 

 

He Wants Me Naked When I Fling the Front Door Open: Joan Price's 'Ageless Erotica'
Roz Warren

 

Roz Warren writes for The New York Times and The Funny Times. Her work
also appears in
Good Housekeeping, The Christian Science Monitor and The
Philadelphia Inquirer. Visit her website.

This review (c) Roz Warren first appeared at HumorTimes.com on March 30, 2013. It is reprinted here with Ms. Warren’s permission.

Humor Times: Political Satire, Cartoons, Videos and More 

Bonding with Betty Dodson

Joan Price and Betty Dodson hug 2011

11/8/2020: Betty Dodson died October 31, 2020, at age 91. I’m republishing this post from 7/12/11 to celebrate Betty’s life. Dear Betty,  thank you for living audaciously and authentically and for teaching us so much about our right to sexual pleasure!

 

“There’s that pushy broad who drove me crazy!” I heard from inside Betty Dodson‘s apartment as I rang the doorbell.

Although Betty and I had corresponded by email, and she had written the fabulous foreword to Naked at Our Age, we had never met in person. Now, on this trip to New York in 2011, I was about to have the opportunity and pleasure of spending a couple of hours with this icon of sexual empowerment.

But — “drove me crazy”? Was she referring to me? Her memory was that I pursued her relentlessly until she agreed to write the foreword to Naked, after she told me a thousand times she was too busy.

My memory was that she had told me once that she was too busy. I had said, “Just read the table of contents and one chapter of the manuscript, and then tell me whether you can make time.” She had done so and said, “I’ll do it.”

I laugh at my unreliable memory a lot these days, and so does Betty at almost 83, though she’s as sharp, smart, and witty as any three young people combined, so maybe her version is right. Regardless, she loves the book and believes in my mission.

We bonded immediately. Within two minutes of my arrival, Betty lifted her tunic and flashed her bare booty at me, saying, “I haven’t finished getting dressed yet.”

“Woo hoo! Do that again,” I said, grabbing my cell phone camera. She repeated the action several times so I could get a good photo.

“May I post this on my blog?” I asked, showing Betty the best shot.

“Absolutely not!” she replied. So Betty Dodson’s naked butt resides on my phone photo gallery exclusively — sorry, folks!*

Betty gave me a tour of her apartment and showed me some of her extraordinary artwork. She took a couple of phone calls while I was there, from TV shows and interviewers. She’ll be celebrating her 83rd birthday at a huge event in Norway, is working on video projects, and is in no way slowing down. See her projects on her website: http://dodsonandross.com/.

Betty introduced me to the lively and lovely Carlin Ross, her business partner, who was sitting behind one of the three microphones set up in Betty’s bedroom/office. Carlin informed me that we were recording a podcast together. Oh!

The three of us chatted for an hour about senior sex, sharing and laughing and having a fine time.

I left Betty’s apartment joyful and even more impressed with Betty Dodson than I had been two hours before. What a woman. She called me “sister warrior” in an email after she read Naked at Our Age. On this day, she called me “friend.”

* 11/8/2020 update: Now that Betty is no longer here to object, is it time for me to share her naked butt photo? Nope. I pride myself on being trustworthy. But I’ll show you one of her paintings:

Painting by Betty Dodson

Learn more about Betty Dodson in this New York Times article.
View Carlin Ross’s video describing Betty’s last days.