I just got an email from Dean, who describes himself as “a very active 70 year old” from Kansas. He asks this:

Joan: I have had sex with ladies 40 to 74 in the last ten years. However I am diabetic and take pills for high blood pressure, so due to those two items I am as you guessed, impotent to the Nth degree. I have had and given oral sex to several partners but I feel like they feel that this isn’t normal. My question, I guess, is, does granny really like this or is it that she feels, well, that’s all he can do? Can you come up with a ball park figure in percentages of the lassies that do and don’t get excited about oral sex? I have known ladies that were extremely sexual but would have nothing to do with oral. Is this very much the way granny thinks? Joan, I love the ladies and they like me, but what’s a relationship without a little pandering?

Dean, I imagine our readers will have plenty to say, but let me start out by saying that calling a woman with whom you want to have sex “Granny” or “Lassie” just isn’t sexy! I don’t know how you interact with these women, or what you call them during pillow talk, but your wording here makes me wonder!

As far as whether older women like oral sex, there’s no percentage I can give you. I can tell you that the better the man is at giving oral sex — the more he tunes in to the sounds and movements that show him what she likes — the better she’ll enjoy it. That means not developing a one-technique-fits-all approach, but gathering many skills and the most important skill: being attentive to her cues and responding to them.

I’d like to recommend a book to you, Dean, and to every man who wants to understand better what a women enjoys during oral sex: She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner. This book is clever, practical, and full of tips and techniques guaranteed to help any man become a better lover!


  1. Kite on July 19, 2020 at 6:48 pm

    Hello, I wrote in today. july 19, 2020.
    All I really require is information about how to perform fellatio.
    I was rabbiting on about a doctor visit – please feel free not to print all that.
    Thank you.

    • Joan Price on July 20, 2020 at 3:20 pm

      I could recommend a number of books about fellatio, but your best starting point, in my view, is to ask your new lover what he likes: exactly where, how, how fast, what rhythm he prefers. Why not ask the person whose point of view is most important to you? After that, the books can give you some new ideas for surprising him.

  2. Kite on July 19, 2020 at 1:56 pm

    I need help with fellatio. I use a CPAP machine as my dentist told me I have a small throat.
    I could never manage to have my husbands penis go all the way into my mouth. I would gag continuously. He passed a few years ago.
    I might have the opportunity to try again with a gentleman we both knew many years ago. His wife has passed too.
    Once this virus makes it safe to visit I’m on my way! We are in our 80’s and have been writing back and forth about our daily life with a few suggestive comments in almost every letter. I’m having fun with that.
    My next letter going to him is about my recent annual checkup where I asked questions about Senior Sex, STD’s, Shrinking Vaginas, and Kegel Exercises.
    I had the opportunity to inform my female provider about “Naked at Our Age” showing her the book, which I came across by accident at my local Public Library. And told her about Joan’s great Show and Tell regarding how to determine the correct size of a condom using a toilet paper roll and how to place a condom on a soft penis. 😊 In my letter I added it might be fun to try it !
    My provider was surprised condoms came in sizes. We talked about safe sex with new partners and she suggested the blood test as being the only safe way.
    As she proceeded with the internal exam I squeezed the speculum, much to our surprise! After the exam she held up two fingers and said, “You’re good to go!” As she left the room she said “It was so nice to have this type of conversation with a senior.”
    Thank you Joan for all the fun advice. I am looking forward to learning something new which will bring pleasure to both of us.

    • Joan Price on July 20, 2020 at 3:23 pm

      I love that you shared my information with your medical provider and got such a good response! For my other readers, the “show and tell” Kite refers to is my free webinar, “Safer Sex for Seniors with Joan Price,” sponsored by Lucky Bloke, the originator of the condom sizer trick.

  3. Jay on July 12, 2020 at 2:37 pm

    Im 45, my landlady is a very sexy 74 year old. Atleast 3 times a week she will sit back on the couch with just a long shirt on and her very sexy bush showing. That is my cue, she loves and sometimes can last for 2+ hours. For me an older women is heaven. The taste and her scent is intoxicating.

  4. abcd on January 6, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    God gave you the tongue for 3 operations -to taste, to talk & to lick

  5. Cecil on December 23, 2019 at 3:01 pm

    Since becoming widowed ☺in my late 60’s I have met several women and enjoyed their company to the fullest.
    Every older women was enthusiastic about giving head and swollowing .
    In my younger years , although BJ’S were common, most stopped short
    I am truly enjoying my new found activities.
    Treat them like a lady and enjoy their company. Life is great.
    BTW I hope I don’t sound like a masher.
    I’m not a user, nor a bed jumper.
    We share a lot of together time but we all like our independence.

  6. Ron on October 26, 2019 at 1:16 pm

    There is nothing more beautiful than a sexually liberated older lady who is open to enjoying all types of sex !! One lady that I sometimes date is 70 years old and looks 55 with a fine body from her workouts at the gym 4 times a week. Much younger guys are constantly hitting on her which she loves. This beautiful woman has a very strong sex drive and can be a handful in bed ! Sex with her is like sex with a 30 year old, tight and beautiful! A very stylish dresser matched with a very toned body and beautiful face that is a twin to Ann Margret. I would love to date only her but she insists that we both date others because she loves the idea of enjoying the sex with different fellas. I am hopelessly in love with her, so I will wait and hope she accepts my marriage proposals.

  7. Anonymous on March 10, 2014 at 1:17 am

    I'm a 61 year old man, my wife is 65. I'd guess that 90% of her orgasms are from me giver her oral, 9% from manual and 1% from intercourse. When we have a sexual encounter, it almost always involves me going down on her at some point.

    As we're getting older, she seems to be getting a bit more willing (if not enthused) about going down on me.

  8. Anonymous on February 27, 2014 at 11:05 pm

    My wife (age 61) and I (age 66) love sex, including oral sex, both ways. We’re rather uninhibited. If it feels good and isn't really dangerous we're game. I guess we're still children of the "sexual revolution" of the 1960's who've grown older but never really grew up when it comes to certain things.

  9. Age 69 F on February 13, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    I love to pleasure a man orally, but I've never liked swallowing. Combining oral with a well-lubricated hand lets me make the transition easily when it's time. I've never had a man tell me it detracts from the enjoyment. (But maybe he wouldn't tell me?) With older men, I don't think the moment of coming is the biggest part of the experience anyway — am I wrong?

    • Mike C on January 26, 2020 at 10:58 am

      Oh no…you are not wrong. You are doing it just fine!

  10. Anonymous on February 13, 2014 at 2:39 am

    I have never liked swallowing, so reading enthusiastic comments about draining and so forth makes me wonder: Ladies, do you swallow? What is it you like? I enjoy fellatio with a committed partner and will go down on him before, during and after everything else and when he comes, like to hold him, get it on my hands and rub it on my body and face. He's never said he feels cheated nor has he stayed in my mouth anyway, in fact signals me to pull off. I really want to hear more from other women.

  11. Anonymous on January 12, 2014 at 7:00 pm

    Hi Joan – I found your blog searching for older women's views on sex. Good job here!

    I've had a discreet relationship for the past 10 years with a woman that is 25 years my senior. She's now 74. Very attractive and the most uninhibited sexual partner I've ever had. We have oral sex frequently and she says she would rather have oral than intercoarse. She's wonderful at it and says she thinks it would be sacriligious not to swallow me, which of coarse drives me nuts when she starts, because I'm already thinking about how it's going to end. She's fantastic. She's also European, which I think has an influence on her views. She's pleasured all over my entire body with her mouth and it's phenominal. I've done the same to her and nothing is off limits as far as oral goes. I have a foot fetish and when I lick her feet and suck her toes, she doesn't even flinch and it drives her crazy. I've covered her entire body with my tongue and she melts every time. She is proof that age is only a number. Her attitude toward sex is one I've never experienced many times with any other woman.

  12. Anonymous on December 1, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    At 68 and married to my 64 year old husband for 17 years, I have more desire for him today than when we first had sex in our early 40s. He is over weight, on meds for high blood pressure, and occasionally loses erections, but he turns me on! The mer sound of his voice, the visual of his body… clothed or naked, the gait of his walk, the touch of his hand on my arm, the hugs he shares, his laughs, humor, and love has me captivated. When he offers all this, who cares about an erection? I am wet and ready; I want his body every day! He has mastered his hands touching me, slowly and tenderly, and drives me into ecstasy with his lips and tongue on my clitoris! I also love to lay my head on his inner thigh, stroke his balls ever so lightly, and touch his penis, taking it into my warm wet mouth until he is drained. What incredible excitement. Do I like it; absolutely! Could anyone else has this effect on me; nope!

    • Joan Price on December 1, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      Anonymous – I love this so much that I'm putting it in my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, which I'm writing now (2013, will be published by Cleis Press winter 2014). Thank you!

      • Mike C on January 26, 2020 at 10:56 am

        I am 67..girlfriend 70. She absolutely loves to go down on me. She can spend a lot of time stimulating my penis and balls. She loves to suck both. As for swallowing..not to keen on that. That is fine…because she lets me cum on her ample breasts. She loves that..and I love to bury my head between her legs..says I am the only man to give her orgasms with my tongue. Some weekends we may have sec ,2-3 times. Both committed to each other. Loves to play with me when we are out… restaurant… shopping etc. I love to play with her ,38 D’s. Both in love so much…life is great.

  13. Anonymous on July 20, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    I recall mostly: It is the only time I heard her say, "I could not stop cumming!" and believe me I was doing everything right> Make love to her and when you feel her getting close, get your tongue in deep. My experience is probably near a thousand times. All positions and love looking up and seeing two mounds and the crack!

  14. Joe Thomas on June 20, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    I've read that book and it really helps you out, because of the very useful tips you can change to a very pleasurable way.

  15. Anonymous on March 18, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    We're in our early 70s and and enjoy oral sex. My wife has, over the years, developed a willingness and enthusiasim for giving BJs. I have always loved giving her oral sex.

  16. Anonymous on December 9, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Both of are in our sixties. At times penetration comes difficult either for non-erection or for her dryness of vigina. She likes me going down and as ever she enjoys the finest orgasm licking her clit.Once she get heated up she loves masturbating me. Yes, "Granny" likes it!!

  17. Anonymous on October 31, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    My wife and I, both in our 60's have intercourse about once every two or three weeks. I very much enjoy going down on her, although for reasons I'm not sure, she will only enjoy it for a while, asking me to stop and penetrate her. She did surprise me the other week though and gave me head – something she hadn't done in 20 years. Although I haven't persuaded her to do that again, and can't get her to masturbate me with enthusiasm (something I'd really enjoy), when we have straight sex, she will caress my scrotum and play with my testicles until I orgasm, and to me that's heaven… so I can't complain.

  18. Bill on October 8, 2011 at 4:56 am

    My wife of 46 years and I are both over 65, and enjoy both cunilingus and fellatio along with vagnial sex. Neither of us has any real desire to explore anal conections after all these years, and frankly, I am neither firm enough nor big enough
    to make that practical.

    I almost always go down on her during a session, and she absolutely loves my (left hand) manipulations of her clit … the "express route" to her orgasms it seems.

    Once she "gets there" a time or two, I am usually so hot that penetration, slow and then faster sex and a climax follow. If however my "mind is not quite into it" and a climax eludes me, my lover climbs on top and gives me fantastic head, which drives me up the wall until I come,and she drinks in every last drop with a huge grin on her face!

    I can't imagine much more fun, … except maybe when we find a moderately "risky" place to make love, like in the car on an old gravel road to farmland, or on our lakeside dock at 2:00 AM … followed by wonderful skinny dip!

    Heck Yes, Oral Sex in Both Directions is a Big part of the fun for us.

    • Anonymous on June 21, 2014 at 4:10 pm

      I'm 73 and my wife and I are the same, Bill! Oral is a big part of our sex, since I am diabetic as well, but this doesn't slow us down! We have been attending classes at a local sex shop with people of all ages.

  19. Anonymous on January 20, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I am now in my fifties, but I have had plenty of granny sex. I prefer contemporary women or younger, but for casual or convenient relations I enjoy the maturity, safety and honesty of older women.

    In my anecdotal experience, older women raised before the sexual revolution have less probability of performing or enjoy doing oral sex. Now, some older women definitely do like to do it. But they are in the minority.

    A lot have repressed feelings. Many are diffident about technique. Some older women are repulsed by it. Some have had gauche or abusive husbands that forced oral on them.

    A few of my granny friends had had straight husbands not interested, so they were eager to try it out. A couple were embarrassed by oral-genital contact, but paradoxically derived a great deal of satisfaction from anal intercourse.

    In oral, like all sex, in addition to the sensuality there is a power exchange involved. Who is in power during the act of fellatio I don't know. (Scant women, uptight and upright, disdain cunnilingus.)

    Older women who apprehend the full physical and psychological pleasure of oral will enjoy it, and do it. And "enjoy," is probably the key word. Because if there is no enjoyment, it's not going to be good for either party.

    Some grannies are as oral and tactile as a dead fish. Others love to please, and would rather perform oral than receive pleasure.

    Women in general, and grannies are like snowflakes – all are constructed and wired different. Psychologist Dr. Toni Grant used to say, "You don't have to sleep with someone to know what they are like in bed." And I thought in the main that was true.

    But it has been my experience that some church going, salt of the earth, conservative, socially moral grannies turned out to be ravenous, don't-spill-a-drop nymphos.

    Now these are a rare species. And I'd like to think that their comfort and lack of inhibition owes to me being a semi-nice guy with insight and caring.

    Having said that, I have been aghast when hearing the stories of several wonderful older women who have been physically and verbally abused earlier in life. Domestic violence is very real, and I was naive to it.

    Women are the superior sex. They are more loving and compassionate. If you give a woman attention and love, she will give you back a lot more in return. That's their nature.

    Love begets love, and sometimes one gets lucky and the sex is really good. Even with grannies.

  20. Ron on December 21, 2010 at 3:38 am

    Well, a couple years back I met a diabetic man in his late 50s who was seperated from his wife. He was impotent from the diabetes but his wife wanted him back and he had TWO girlfriends who loved him. Decorum prevented me from asking what his secret was, but I strongly suspect it was a proficiency at oral sex.

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