Pleasure Yourself

It’s  almost Valentine’s Day 2018. Couples are planning their romantic dinners and getaways. But we’re not all coupled: there are 19.5 million singles over 65 in the U.S.*

If you don’t have a partner today, you’re not alone. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have sex with the person who knows you the best: yourself.

Self-pleasuring is delicious sex, and it doesn’t matter how old we are, whether or not we have a partner, if arousal and orgasms are easy or challenging for us, or we grew up thinking that masturbation was shameful. Staying sexual is within our own power.

I hope you’ll read my 2016 blog post, “Solo Sex is Real Sex,” featuring Jeffrey Dean Morgan (sort of) and my “Senior’s Guide to Solo Sex” for Senior Planet.

Here are some of my favorite quotes about solo sex:

  • “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” — Lily Tomlin
  • “Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm.” — Alfred Charles Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, 1953
  • “We know that more than 70 to 80 percent of women masturbate, and 90 percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.” — Joycelyn Elders, former U.S. Surgeon General.
  • “How to have sex with friends, lovers, wives, husbands all begins and ends with Masturbation.” — Betty Dodson (dubbed “the Mother of Masturbation”), age 88.
  • “If God didn’t want us to masturbate, we wouldn’t have been given these long arms.” — Dan Savage in a recent Savage Lovecast episode.
  • “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.” —Audrey Hepburn

If you’re dating or ready to date, I invite you to enjoy my lively new, free webinar, “Safer Sex for Seniors“! Learn how to eroticize safer sex, how to choose the right condom size, even how to put a condom on a soft penis! Let me know what you learn and what you think.

If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my new newsletter here — a new issue is coming soon. Instead of having to chase me all over the Internet, I’ll come to your inbox occasionally (roughly monthly) with interesting senior sex news, views, practical tips, and special offers just for my mailing list.

Thanks for being a part of my community!

* I don’t have current stats for the over-50 population, but I’m looking.

(In case parts of this post sounds familiar, some sections originally appeared on my blog on Feb. 14, 2016.)

You and Your Boomer/ Senior Parent: Talking about Safer Sex

Do you have a parent who is out in the dating world? If so, this post is for you. This blog is normally aimed at folks age 50, 60, 70 and beyond. But right now I’d like to talk to the adult children of Boomers and seniors who are dating new people (think baby boomer sex). My questions to you:
  • Have you talked to your parent about safer sex?
  • If so, how did that conversation go?
  • If not, was it because you didn’t dare, didn’t want to, or didn’t have the words?
Arti Patel

First, a little background. I was interviewed extensively in “Seniors have sex – and the STI rates to prove it” by Arti Patel for Global News. This article addressed the rising rates of STIs among seniors in Canada, the reasons behind the rise, and what we can do about it. Patel wrote,

Joan Price, sex advocate and author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, says the reason why the community has high STI rates is simple: they’re not using condoms.

talking about baby boomer sexAfter this article came out, Kelly Cutrara interviewed me about this topic on Talk Radio AM 640 in Toronto. (I apologize for the call quality — the interview request was too fast to get to my landline.) She asked me how the younger generation can talk to their single parents about safer sex. How do they get beyond the embarrassment? What words can they use? What if their good intentions backfire?

I suggested that this approach might begin the conversation:

“I know it’s incredibly awkward to talk about sex with my parent, but Mom [Dad], we need to do this. What do you know about safer sex? Are you using condoms?”


[Parent:] “What? Why are we having this conversation?”


“Because no one else will, and I care about you. I know that STI rates are rising among your age group. I want to make sure you’re protected.”

If you have been at either end — Boomer/senior parent or adult child — of a similar conversation, what did you say? What was the outcome? Or if you have another idea about how this discussion should go, we’d all like to know your thoughts.

Please share by posting a comment here, and include your age. (If you have trouble posting, email me with your comment and the name you’d like to use — it doesn’t have to be yours — and your age, and I’ll post it for you.)  Let’s get this discussion going.

How to Put a Condom on a Soft Penis — With Your Mouth

Those of us in our 50-80+-year-old age group who are dating or in non-exclusive relationships need to take safer sex seriously. Yet how often do we face the challenge that the penis owner in our bed loses his erection (or thinks that he will, or doesn’t have one in the first place) when we want him to don a condom? We can have plenty of sexy fun with or without his erection, but what do we do about barrier protection?In honor of STD Awareness Month, I’d like to share with you an easy and sexy way to put a condom on a soft penis — using your mouth. With the help of the delightful Kendra Holliday (who told me, “I’ve never done this before!), the perfectly flaccid Sailor Soft Pack from Good Vibrations, and an expired condom (don’t we all have those?), I presented this demo during my “25 Tips for Sexy Aging” presentation at CatalystCon Midwest.  Here are the step-by-step instructions. (Practice on a dildo, soft packer, or consenting vegetable first.)

1. Start to unroll the condom, just enough so that you’re sure of the direction it unrolls. Squeeze out any air in the tip. (That doesn’t matter for the demo, but it’s important when you do it in real life.)

2. Perch the condom on top of the head of the penis and roll it down just a little, keeping it in place with your fingers. If the penis is soft, the condom won’t go down much — that doesn’t matter. You’re just getting it in position

3. Put your mouth over the tip of the condom-clad penis head, leaving the rim of the condom outside your mouth. Use your fingers to keep the rim in place. Start to suck.

4. Keep sucking gently. Use your fingers to assist the condom to roll down over the penis, which is disappearing into your mouth, much to the enjoyment of its owner. As you continue to suck and the penis gets pulled into your mouth, the condom will continue to unroll over it — magic!

5. Keep going until the condom is fully unrolled. Keep it in place with your hand as you remove your mouth — if indeed you want to remove your mouth — from the well-clad penis.

Doesn’t that sound like fun? Oh, it is! Thank you to the lover whom I will not name who first introduced me to this trick.

Many thanks to Kendra Holliday for her willingness to learn this method in front of an audience. Kendra is a sex surrogate in St. Louis and co-leader of SEX+STL (Sex Positive St. Louis). She blogs as The Beautiful Kind.

Thanks also to Randy Austin-Cardona for photographing this process, and to CatalystCon for inviting me to give my “25 Tips for Sexy Aging” at this conference.

Note to meeting planners who were considering hiring me to speak until they read this — don’t worry, this demo is optional! As always, my talks are personalized for your audience and your needs and preferences. 

Condom, Lube Giveaways from Lucky Bloke

Update: Although the contest is closed now, I hope you’ll read the interesting info below, including how to choose the right size condom!

What do you do to make safer sex sexier? How does it enhance your sexual enjoyment rather than interfere with it? What is your safer sex policy with new lovers or with non-exclusive partners?

Answer any of these questions and you can win free condoms or lube and dental dams!

I’m teaming together with Lucky Bloke, a condom subscription service offering more options than you thought possible, to find out what you think about safer sex and to reward two lucky people age 50+ with gift samplers of condoms or lubes! 

Here’s what you can win:

Condom Sampler: An assortment of 12 different brands of condoms. Some will be familiar; others new to you. If you have a size preference, let me know whether you’d small, medium, or large. Use this Size Test if you don’t know:

An empty toilet paper roll easily measures the erect penis of your choice. Click here.


• if there’s extra room = SMALLER / MORE TAILORED FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 35% of men) 

• just enough room = MEDIUM / STANDARD FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 50% of men)

• if it’s too tight = LARGER / GENEROUS FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 15% of men)

Lube Sampler: I’m often asked which lubricant is best. I have my favorites, but it really depends on you and what feels good to you. This sampler lets you try 12 different lubes so you can figure out your favorite.

Whichever contest you’re entering, if you’d like some dental dams for safe cunnilingus, let me know that you’d like those included if you win one of the prizes. Dental dams aren’t just for the dentist’s office — they are latex squares large enough to fit over a woman’s entire genital area with room to spare so that there’s no exchange of body fluids during cunnilingus. I know, they look funny, but they feel fine and don’t interfere at all with the pleasure–take my word for it!

Here’s how you enter:

1. Be age 50 or over.

2. Email Joan the following:

In 50-80 words, answer one or more of these questions:

  • What makes safer sex (including condoms/ dental dams/ non-penetrative sex) sexy as well as smart at our age?
  • How do you make barrier protection sexier, more fun, and an enhancement of hot sex?  
  • What is your personal safer sex policy with new lovers or with non-exclusive partners, and why? 

3. In your email, include your name, age, email, and mailing address (does not have to be in the US!), and tell me whether you want the condom sampler or the lube sampler and whether you’d like dental dams included if you win.

The best two responses will receive samplers directly from Lucky Bloke, sponsors of this contest, and will be published here and in  The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, to be published by Cleis Press early in 2015. At Joan’s discretion, more of your comments may be used in the book, as well.

You may enter by commenting here, but please also email me the info above (#3) so I can notify you if you win. 
By entering this contest or posting a comment here, you’re giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book. I won’t identify you in any way. Thank you for participating!

Contest is closed, thank you!

Note from Lucky Bloke to you:

Discretion and ethical business practices are paramount at Lucky Bloke. We only use our customer’s information for shipping their orders. Everything is shipped discretely and personal information is never shared or made public anywhere.