Old People Sex
(with apologies to T.S. Eliot)
by Shamus MacDuff
It starts with talk—a conversation—
At which we set a date for play
Often a day or two away.
Time passes, anticipation simmers,
Thoughts unfold, excitement builds,
And then the chosen time arrives!
Showers happen, nothing’s rushed.
Sheets are pulled back, lube’s at hand,
And sex toys to match our ken.
We begin with talk—a loving flirtation—
Back and forth about who’ll go first,
Taking turns is very sexy!
The receiver makes requests; the giver
Complies gladly. Our “joint undertaking”
May require repositioned stiff knees.
Kissing, touching, then more kissing,
And more touching, all slow and easy,
No hurried strokes, no rush.
Responsive desire fires mutual pleasure,
Slow, gentle, sensuous, and exhilarating,
Spiced with smiles and laughter.
Activities vary, we experiment as we play.
PIV seldom happens; other ways
Prove more pleasurable and fun.
We finish with orgasms, hugs, spooning,
And more conversation—sharing thoughts about
Our past and present lives.
And this is how our date ends, this is how our date ends
This is how our date ends,
Not with a bang, but a cuddle.
Until a year ago, at age 75, my only anal experiences consisted of childhood enemas administered by my mother and prostate examinations given by my doctor. Prostate massage toys never crossed my mind.
In my naiveté I never considered my anus or my prostate to be erogenous zones. But then I read The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners by Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian, and my curiosity was piqued. Wishing to explore and expand my own sexual repertoire, I obtained three prostate toys: Pleasure Plug 1 from Fuze, Pure Wand from njoy, and Helix Trident from Aneros.
I tried each toy with much trepidation and lots of lube, not knowing what to expect. Those initial experiences were disappointing. I had anticipated an immediate “buzz” or feeling of intense sexual excitement, and when I didn’t, I thought prostate play was not for me.
I left those three toys unused in a drawer for many months. Then, still curious, I read Joan Price’s interview of Charlie Glickman, “Prostate Play for Pleasure and Health.” I decided to give the toys another try. This time around, “curiosity thrilled the cat!”
So what had changed?
- I learned that a host of other prostate owners derive great pleasure from stimulation of the prostate.
- I realized that I needed to experiment more.
- I understood that lying prostrate to access my prostate—the position I’d used in my earlier exploration — wasn’t the best position. If instead I inserted the toy while standing, I could alter its placement easily with a hand free for nipple and/or penis play. Introducing any of the toys into my anus from that position brought my penis almost instantly erect, the more so when I moved the toy around or in and out. None of these actions alone produced an orgasm, but they primed me, and a well-lubed hand job led quickly to ejaculation.
The three toys are different.
- The Pleasure Plug is essentially a 4-1/2-inch silicone butt plug—it’s straight, only slightly flexible, and because of the shape, it doesn’t reach my prostate.
- The Pure Wand is 7-1/2 inches of stainless steel and weighs a hefty 2 pounds. It is curved, so it can be positioned to touch the prostate directly.
- The Helix Trident is 4 inches long, made of non-porous FDA-Approved Acetal plastic. It features a special Aneros design that stimulates multiple anal sites. (See more Aneros prostate massagers here.)
Both the Pure Wand and the Helix Trident can be maneuvered to push on, stroke, or massage the prostate to produce extremely pleasurable sensations. Those sensations are quite distinct from penis-oriented ones—they’re deeper, subtler, and more diffuse.
My newfound knowledge led to a fantasy. I imagined how it might feel to insert either the Pure Wand or the Helix Trident while standing erect and having a partner perform fellatio as I wiggled the toy about. To my great joy this fantasy came true! Having inserted the Helix Trident with plenty of lube, I stood over my partner seated on a chair. She played with my penis lovingly while I maneuvered Helix Trident in my anus, and before long I exploded in a wonderful orgasm. The orgasm was so powerful that on release, it mostly extruded the toy!
At age 76 I’ve discovered my prostate and a whole new world of sexual pleasure that I didn’t even know existed. If you experiment, you may also be equally fortunate.
— Shamus MacDuff, age 76, was oblivious to the delights of sex toys for his own pleasure until about two years ago. He’s been making up for lost time! Read Shamus MacDuff’s other posts.
Hot Octopuss has done it again! Already the standard setter for penis vibrators, the new Pulse Solo Lux pushes the bar even higher. Even if you already own an earlier version of the Pulse, your penis (or your lover’s penis) will thank you for this orgasmic gift.
The difference between the former Pulse models and the Pulse Solo Lux is like a Prius and a Ferrari turbo. Both are great feats of engineering, and both give you a fine ride to your destination. But the Pulse Solo Lux gets you there a whole lot faster, has more gears, and is much more fun to drive. Once you try it, I predict that it’ll become your new com-Pulse-sion.
What makes it so compelling? It has a wristwatch-like separate remote with four icons, and more intensity than any Pulse in history.
- The “+” and “-” icons control nine speeds up and down.
- The “0” icon produces five distinct sexy patterns, along with a sixth powerful steady buzz.
- The crown icon is the Turbo button, 4,450 rpm of power, shifting the speed and your libido into overdrive.
Find your favorite pattern and rock it, shifting speed and intensity. You can also have your partner “take your Pulse” while you do so.
For penises with erectile difficulties, it delivers pleasure whether erect or flaccid or in between, like all Pulse models. The penis rests in the Pulse, ready for sensation. You can stroke with it, hold it steady, or even use it hands-free.
Used on my own, the Pulse Solo Lux quickly brings me to a full erection. On some occasions, my semi-erect penis is so stimulated that I orgasm in that state. Pulse Solo Lux works well with or without lube. It is completely waterproof, so it can be enjoyed in the shower or tub. Like all Hot Octopuss toys, it is made of safe silicone and is easy to clean. It charges magnetically.
After several delightful solo play sessions with this new gem, I invited my partner to enjoy it with me. With a gleam in her eye and a wicked smile, she happily took control of the wrist remote. As she moved through the various combinations, she asked me what felt best. It was highly erotic to lie back and have her at the controls. My favorite pattern, a dash of lube, and my partner’s targeted ministrations led me to a spectacular orgasm.
In 2013, Hot Octopuss released its renowned “guybrator,” the original Pulse. Over the last few years, Pulse II, Pulse III, and the Pocket Pulse (my favorite until last week) followed, each one better than the one before. Now, in late 2019, Hot Octopuss has outdone itself with the wonderful Pulse Solo Lux. Even if you already own an earlier Pulse product, follow your im-Pulse to acquire this marvelous new toy. You won’t regret it!
See recent reviews of earlier Hot Octopuss penis vibrators:
— Shamus MacDuff, age 76, was oblivious to the delights of sex toys for penises until about two years ago. He’s been making up for lost time! Read his other posts here.
Are you looking toys for senior sex? Do you want to spice things up in the bedroom?
In May 2017, I presented a lively 90-minute webinar, Sex Toys for Seniors, which includes a show-and-tell of about 20 favorite vibrators and other sex toys. I introduced you to the Magic Wand, the Eroscillator, and many well-known and lesser-known (but fabulous!) orgasm-inducers.
Viewing rights to the recording are still available (email me!), and I hope you’ll watch it. Since then, I’ve had the delight of reviewing a few more stellar sex toys that would have been included in this webinar if I had enjoyed them sooner.
For your pleasure, here is a round-up of sex toy favorites that have crossed my path (and other places) recently. Shamus MacDuff, my penis-owning reviewer, has also added his favorites. Click on each product name to read our original reviews. These include links to retailers that I personally endorse because they care about our sexual pleasure, education, and health, and they celebrate my message that sexual pleasure is ours lifelong.
Best for Versatility
Volta from Fun Factory is delightfully versatile, powerful, and ergonomic. The curved shape and vibrating tips (I think of them as “flippers”) can give pleasure to all varieties of genitals in many ways:
- Nuzzle a clitoris by surrounding the glans (protruding tip of the clitoris) with the flippers.
- Rest the curve of the Volta over the vulva for all-over stimulation.
- Separate the flippers to vibrate the clitoris and the vaginal entrance simultaneously.
- Cuddle or circle around the head of a penis.
- Stroke the shaft of a penis with the flippers during fellatio.
From Shamus MacDuff:
My favorite toy for partner sex enhancement is Volta (a.k.a. “Flipper,” or “The Cuttlefish with Attitude”). Not only does my woman friend find it pleasurable when applied to her clitoris, but I also enjoy its “kisses” when she buzzes it against my frenulum, penile shaft, and scrotum while thrilling me with her skillful fellatio.
Best for Penises
JETT from Hot Octopuss gets the vote from 75-year-old Shamus MacDuff. He loves the way he can adjust the “dual engines” (independently controlled treble and bass vibrations). As he puts it, “JETT has an expandable, circular silicone sleeve positioned directly above the dual jet engines into which you place your penis — flaccid or erect. The sleeve surrounds the frenulum on one side and the ridge atop the penile head on the other. When JETT revs up, the sensations are multiple and magnificent. The real fun with this toy comes (pun intended) in locating precisely the right treble and bass frequencies, paired with one of the 10 vibration patterns, that launches you into the JETT stream.”
From Shamus MacDuff:
I especially love JETT for solo sex because it’s easy to load my penis into it, flaccid or erect; the accessible controls make it simple to turn on and off and to change settings; and the wide variety of settings, coupled with adjustable, bass and treble intensities, allow me to dial up a perfect combination of sensations to match my particular mood or arousal level.
Best for Traveling with a Vulva
We-Vibe Touch. The We-Vibe Touch has become my favorite travel vibrator. It’s tiny, weighs almost nothing, yet it’s powerful and versatile, and the design is so smart. It’s curved to cover much of the vulva for all-over stimulation, or press the cupped area over the clitoris, or point the tip wherever you want it, or combine any or all of these.
The Touch is fabulous to use on the clitoris during partner sex as well as solo, because it doesn’t get in the way of two joined bodies. If you enjoy penetrative sex and need extra clitoral stimulation for your journey towards orgasm, this makes it easy and sweet. Add it for extra clitoral stimulation whatever kind of sex you might be enjoying — penetrative or not.
Although designed for vulva /clitoral stimulation, it’s also enjoyed by penises and nipples of any gender. See why I love to pack it in my carry-on suitcase?
Best for Traveling with a Penis
Pocket Pulse. We love all the Pulse models from Hot Octopuss because an erection is not required for use or receiving full pleasure. Just place your penis of choice — hard, flaccid, or in between — in the Pulse, turn it on, and feel the results. The Pocket Pulse is a smaller, modified version, and Shamus MacDuff likes it even better than the bigger, more expensive models. The Pocket Pulse is an ideal travel companion for your penis.
Don’t forget about lube!
All these orgasm-inducing products are made of silicone, which require water-based lubricant. I’ve been enjoying the water-based lubes from Wicked Sensual Care. We all have different needs and preferences, but my personal favorite Wicked water-based lube is Aqua Chill which resists body heat for a lovely sensation. If you’ve been frustrated during extended solo sessions with your vibrator because your lube dries out before you’re done, Wicked’s Toy Love is a thick and long-lasting gel, and it doesn’t dribble off your toys.