Want to make some changes in your sex life?
These New Year’s Resolutions will make a big difference,
and they’re easy and fun to put into action.
Redefine Sex. The ways you used to have sex are no longer possible or pleasurable now? Don’t let that close off your sexual expression. Instead, expand your definition of sex to include all the activities that arouse you and bring you sexual pleasure now, partnered or solo. Embracing a new definition of sex expands your possibilities for pleasure. Read this account of Shamus MacDuff’s experience and view my most popular webinar, “Great Sex Without Penetration.”
Track the Tingle. For quicker, easier, and more satisfying arousal, figure out what time of day you feel most sexually responsive. When you feel the “tingle” – that quiver of erotic possibility – set aside time to indulge yourself sexually or schedule that time on your next free day.
Use High Quality Lubricant. A lubricant that keeps you moist and slick will increase comfort and intensify your pleasure. Use lube liberally both solo and with a partner, and reapply frequently. See my “Senior’s Guide to Lubrication” for how to choose your lube. Purchase from one of the vetted retailers you’ll find advertising on my blog, not the drugstore brands.
Self-Pleasure Frequently. Solo sex is real sex, and it’s good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. Give yourself sexual pleasure, whether you’re in a relationship or not. You’re celebrating your body’s ability to give you exquisite pleasure.
Enjoy Sex Toys. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm. A well-chosen, well-placed vibrator can be the difference between orgasm and no orgasm. This blog is full of vibrator reviews from a senior perspective. View my “Sex Toys for Seniors” webinar for more. Read the many sex toy reviews on this blog.
Celebrate Responsive Desire. This is for you if you enjoy sex when you do it, but you rarely feel desire in advance. You’re experiencing “responsive desire”: your desire follows sensations of pleasure and physiological arousal instead of preceding it. So get started, open yourself to pleasure and stimulation, and your desire will kick in.
Exercise Before Sex. Increasing your blood flow with physical activity isn’t only good for the heart and muscles — it’s also good for sexual function and pleasure. One of the best things we can do to speed up arousal and orgasm is regular exercise, especially before sex. Jumpstart your exercise program with “fitness minutes” from The Anytime, Anywhere Exercise Book.
Sex Before Food. Eating before sex sends the blood flow to your digestive system instead of your genitals. Have sex first, then eat. Sexual arousal will be easier, orgasms will be more reliable, and you will relish that meal afterward.
Indulge Your Erotic Imagination. Fantasize, read erotica, view films that turn you on. Don’t judge yourself for the kinds of images, fantasies, or private thoughts that get you revved up. Your brain is your most powerful sex organ. For more about fantasies, read Justin Lehmiller’s book, Tell Me What You Want. For an anthology of erotica by authors over 50 featuring steamy characters over 50, read Ageless Erotica!
Use Your Words. Learning to talk about sex is the key to getting what you want. A long-term partner is likely to continue doing what used to work, even if it doesn’t work for you now, unless you redirect the action. A new partner is wants to know how to please you. Speak up. Do your partner the favor of revealing what turns you on and what you’re in the mood for.
Have Sex More Often. Difficulty with arousal and orgasm is a good reason to have more sex, not less. The penis and the clitoris require blood flow for engorgement. The more you engage in stimulation – partnered or solo — the more easily the blood flows to the genitals.
Use Safer Sex. If you’re sexual with new partners, use barrier protection. Many people with sexually transmitted infections (STIs) either don’t know or don’t tell. Use barrier protection (condoms for intercourse and fellatio, dental dams for cunnilingus) every time. Learn more from my entertaining free video, “Safer Sex for Seniors with Joan Price.”
Schedule Weekly Orgasms. If we waited until sex happened spontaneously, we might never have another orgasm. Schedule sex at least weekly, partnered or solo. The sexy anticipation –mental foreplay! — makes it even hotter when it happens.
Enlist Help. If you’re having sexual problems in your relationship, see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor. Therapy will help you identify the underlying issues, teach you how to communicate more effectively, and give you new strategies.
Talk to Your Doctor. Difficulty with arousal, erections, orgasm, or pain requires medical attention. If your doctor is dismissive or unable to help, ask for a referral to someone who is more knowledgeable about your concern and more accepting of you as a sexual being.
Learn, Learn, Learn. Read the books and websites that offer reliable information about sex and aging. Take online classes and webinars. For an educational and explicit treat, watch the award-winning “jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Senior Sex,” which I co-created.
Which of these are you already doing?
Which ones will you put into action this year? Leave your thoughts and ideas in the comments below.
(This article first appeared in a slightly different form in my Senior Planet column, Jan. 8, 2018.)
by Shamus MacDuff
Sunlight streams through the window by her bed,
And shimmers off her hummingbird feeder just outside.
Clad only in pearl necklaces, she emerges from the shower
With a welcoming smile that beckons me join her in bed.
Feeling both the sun’s warmth and hers, I quickly comply.
My thoughtful lover has assembled sex toys and lube,
As we lie down together, kissing, stroking, and giggling.
Soothing sunlight dapples our nipples and softens our
Old people wrinkles and blemishes as we cling together.
We are again young in the sun, two bodies eager for touch.
Our preference is taking turns pleasuring one another,
With full focus first on one person, and then on the other.
Pleasuring and being pleasured in full sunshine is a treat
In that beautiful wood-paneled bedroom where we meet.
Slowly, gently, lovingly, we exchange climaxes in the sun.
Filled with afterglow, when spooning, we catch movement
Out the window as an iridescent hummingbird hovers.
While we hug and talk we count the hummers’ visits,
Thrilling over how they glisten in the sun’s afternoon rays.
Their allure accentuates the radiance of our own sunny love.
— Shamus MacDuff, 1/23/21
Old People Sex
(with apologies to T.S. Eliot)
by Shamus MacDuff
It starts with talk—a conversation—
At which we set a date for play
Often a day or two away.
Time passes, anticipation simmers,
Thoughts unfold, excitement builds,
And then the chosen time arrives!
Showers happen, nothing’s rushed.
Sheets are pulled back, lube’s at hand,
And sex toys to match our ken.
We begin with talk—a loving flirtation—
Back and forth about who’ll go first,
Taking turns is very sexy!
The receiver makes requests; the giver
Complies gladly. Our “joint undertaking”
May require repositioned stiff knees.
Kissing, touching, then more kissing,
And more touching, all slow and easy,
No hurried strokes, no rush.
Responsive desire fires mutual pleasure,
Slow, gentle, sensuous, and exhilarating,
Spiced with smiles and laughter.
Activities vary, we experiment as we play.
PIV seldom happens; other ways
Prove more pleasurable and fun.
We finish with orgasms, hugs, spooning,
And more conversation—sharing thoughts about
Our past and present lives.
And this is how our date ends, this is how our date ends
This is how our date ends,
Not with a bang, but a cuddle.
I am thrilled to announce this collaboration with a company I’ve admired and endorsed for years. Read what Hot Octopuss has to say about our Senior Sex Hub. — Joan
Sex is Back!
-Over 50s rejoice-
Leading sex toy brand Hot Octopuss brings sex for the over fifties back to the fore with the launch of their Senior Sex hub with the help of ‘Senior Sexpert’ Joan Price
Sex is back! (*well actually it seems it never went away!). Contrary to popular belief, sexual intimacy and enjoyment is alive and kicking amongst the over 50’s. A recent article by USA Today states that “Many adults aged 65-80 are having sex (and most are pretty satisfied)”, the article goes on to say, “Sex is not just for the young: 40% of U.S. adults aged 65-80 say they are having sex — and even more of them, 73%, are satisfied with their sex lives”, the highest satisfaction rate out of any demographic.
A topic often side stepped, it turns out that this demographic is really into sex, so much so that award-winning, London-based sex toy company Hot Octopuss has decided to embrace this by launching a dedicated hub specifically designed to offer these sex positive seniors a sexual well-being destination dedicated to their specific needs.
Leading the charge and directing Hot Octopuss at every turn is world renowned “Senior Sexpert” Joan Price, internationally acclaimed advocate for ageless sexuality, award winning author and now, in-house senior sex expert and ambassador for Hot Octopuss at www.hotoctopuss.com/seniorsex.
It’s about time that senior sex is brought out of the shadows and who better to do this than in my opinion, the world’s most progressive and inclusive sex toy brand, Hot Octopuss. I’m delighted to be partnering with Hot Octopuss on this exciting project and with my own dedicated “Dear Joan” page, I will personally be there to offer candid advice to fellow seniors https://www.hotoctopuss.com/senior-sex/who have specific questions about better sex. From hot solo senior sex, to arousal and orgasm, or communicating better in a long-term relationship, no subject will be off-limits.
As well as having the chance to receive candid advice from a world leading expert, the hub’s focus will be on providing a one-stop-shop for everything senior sex, providing in-depth coverage of topics such as post-menopausal sex, sex with ageing penises and vulvas, ED, arousal, orgasm and masturbation, as well as offering sex toy tips, suggestions and senior reviews.
Hot Octopuss Co-founder Julia Margo explains,
The sexless seniors stereotype is so outdated and simply untrue. A fifth of the toys we sell on our site are bought by customers aged 55 or over. This, along with my own experience talking to older customers and senior sex experts over the last nine years at Hot Octopuss is that information and tools addressing issues such as menopause, stiff joints and erectile dysfunction can make all the difference to an individual’s sex life as one gets older.
Unfortunately, few sex toy companies discuss any of this, or represent older people in their marketing, which contributes to the misconception that the information is unwanted, whereas this couldn’t be further from the truth. We want to do things differently and understand that no matter how old you are, you are never too old to enjoy a fulfilling sex life. We are really proud to be working with Joan on the launch of our ‘senior sex’ hub to give all our older customers the very best in advice, so that they can continue to enjoy the sex life that they want and deserve throughout their lives.”
About Joan Price
Joan Price is the author of four books about sex and ageing, including the award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex and her latest, Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved. Joan is known by global media as the voice of senior sex. Her blog has been offering sex news, views and reviews since 2005. Aged 76, Joan continues to talk out loud about senior sex, partnered or solo.
About Hot Octopuss
Founded in 2013, this award-winning, London-based brand designs innovative, cutting edge sex toys that not only look gorgeous, but are designed to work with the body. They passionately believe that pleasure is a fundamental right for everyone. Their sex toys have been taken back to the drawing board, and are developed using real people, some serious science and ingenious designs. Their collection of unique toys have been designed for everybody so whether you’re cis, trans, non-binary, have limited mobility or are older, there’s a Hot Octopuss toy to suit.