Shocked by Reactions in Palm Springs
But this time, most people kept their distance when they saw the topic and never opened the book to take a look. Here are some of the comments I heard:
“If I brought this book into the house, my wife would divorce me.”
“No-oo-o, I’m done with sex.”
“I don’t care for men any more and I’m not a lesbian,
so no thanks.”
And from one person who promised to come back later:
“I’ll slip you the money, but I know a lot of people here and I don’t want them to see me buying this book.”
I’d love to hear your comments. Do these reactions surprise you?
Fortunately, there were a few brave souls who broke the mold. A group of three women laughed and they all bought copies. (I asked if it was for their book club!)
One man bought the book for his wife, then returned, worried. “What’s the worst that can happen when my wife reads this?” he asked.
“She might keep you up all night!” I replied.
“Encouraging advice, and a great love story, too”
Toni Goldfarb, medical writer and co-author of the American Lung Association’s 7 Steps to a Smoke-Free Life, wrote such a stirring customer review of my book on Amazon.com that I asked her permission to reprint it here. Thank you, Toni!
Encouraging advice, and a great love story, too
If you’re trying to decide which of the new “sex over 60” books to buy, definitely choose this one. It is not a step-by-step “how to” book that might offend people, although it does cover every aspect of sexual activity–married, single, solo, gay, straight, young, old, one-night, long-term (50 years and even longer). Instead, the book provides practical, encouraging advice from experts and from ordinary women about the joys of loving relationships, dealing with sexual problems of menopause, loss of interest in sex (or your partner’s loss of interest and/or ability), how to approach sex with a new partner, helpful exercises, and even a detailed discussion of sex toys and assistive devices. (I thought these were only for “adventurous” couples, but the book explains how they can make sex possible and more enjoyable for older people).
Plus, this book is also a beautiful love story which could stand on its own, even without all the excellent sex information. The writer chronicles her many relationships, from her first teenage romance (You’ll be furious to learn how her father broke up what might have been a lasting relationship), to a succession of sexual affairs, including a short failed marriage. It’s easy to see why she had given up on finding true love. But she never gave up on having an active, fulfilling life as a dance and exercise instructor, despite two devastating auto accidents that left her with many scars and lasting injuries.
And then, magic! In the form of a trim, gray-haired, older man she spots in one of her dance classes. These are true-to-life 60-plus people, not wrinkle-free, gorgeous-body super models, but the story of how their love and sexual relationship blossomed is a real page turner. And be prepared for a few tears when you come to a troubling revelation near the end of the story.This is a thought-provoking, informative, encouraging book you’ll definitely want to share with friends.
Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty workshop at Good Vibrations
Last night I presented my “Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty” workshop at Good Vibrations in Berkeley. Despite a horrible storm, ten women arrived, shed their soggy raincoats and their inhibitions, and spent two hours in a circle sharing questions, stories and concerns. Soon these women who hadn’t known each other’s names an hour before were revealing intimate details about their libidos (or lack of such) and relationships in the spirit of women’s community that is one of the great joys of this work I’m doing.Some of the women had never been inside a sexuality shop before, and they were pleasantly surprised at the friendliness, frankness, and accessibility of the store and the wonderful people who work there. Besides talking, we laughed as we turned on vibrators and ran them over the delicate and responsive skin of our wrists, spread lubricant over our hands, and tried lying on the wedge pillow!
The evaluations were very positive and appreciative of the openness, warmth, and personal sharing that took place, including my own personal disclosures. (There’s nothing I won’t answer!) The one recurring criticism was “not enough time” — I’ll have to rethink whether two hours is enough.
My next workshop is in Chicago, details here:
Sunday, March 5, 7– 9 pm, Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty workshop at Early to Bed, 5232 N Sheridan Rd, Chicago, IL, 773-271-1219, toll-free 866-585-2BED. $20.
No, We’re Not Shutting Up
I had two very different experiences on Sunday, Feb. 12.
1. I read Louise Raflin’s petulant plea to Boomers to hush up about their sex lives in the San Francisco Chronicle Magazine.
2. I spoke to a full house at Book Passage in Corte Madera, CA, talking about and reading from my book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. The women and men in the audience displayed an attitude that was far from the “it’s-all-about-me” egocentrism that Rafkin condescendingly described. They were thoughtful, communicative, vibrant, funny, and passionate.
“Could they please stop writing about it?” Rafkin begs. Not a chance. We’ve only just begun.