I love it when readers post comments here, or write me emails with their thoughts. Sometimes what they tell me is so provocative that I ask their permission to excerpt their email here, as I’ve done here. Peter, who attracted big reactions from his previous email about women not on HRT not wanting sex, has written this time out of concern that women are reaching for their vibrators instead of seeking out a lover. He writes:
I have noticed a trend that leaves me feeling a little sad, and yes, this is a criticism. The last response to what I wrote was advice from someone about a vibrator. I know the recipient was in her seventies and was a good target for that sort of advice, but it followed a pattern. I’ve felt a little unsettled at the preponderance of this.
I’d like to think we are all enlightened enough to not feel shame at admitting we get ourselves off more than we get off on someone else. So do we really need another tool to do this? I’m no square by any means, but I think porn is sad. And is that vibrator you recommend really the perfect lover?
We don’t need vibrators; we need lovers. The problem is not orgasm; the problem is a loving connection. We are all social beings. We all suffer from the torture of social isolation, even those with spouses.
We need to break down the barriers that keep us from each other.
I need to clarify something — much as I love and recommend sex toys for enhancing arousal, particularly when declining hormones make orgasm more difficult, I have never called a vibrator a “perfect lover”! I don’t call it a lover at all. I would never trade the intimacy of a lover’s touch for any amount of electric buzzing!
But realize this, also — many women my age — especially in more sexually conservative geographical areas — don’t know that sex-toy-assisted stimulation might bring back the response that they can’t recapture on their own, with or without a lover. That’s a separate issue from what you’re saying, Peter, but I think it’s important to include it.
Do we need ardent, sensitive lovers more than sex toys? Oh yes. Do we all have ardent, sensitive lovers? From what my readers tell me, unfortunately, no.
When I read comments and emails from both women and men who wish for a loving partner, I wish I could hold a mixer of my single readers!