Man, 20, loves “slow burning flame” of late-40’s lover

I received a powerful email from Elliot, age 20, who is in a passionate relationship with a woman in her late forties. He writes:

My lover and I are very affectionate, very loving and ultimately very content with each other. Personally, I enjoy the pace, as I am not given a time limit on anything, much less anything sexual. I am given a reign of freedom that most men would divorce for, and my lover herself is so passionate yet so trusting and warm, and dare I say it, cuddly, that she presents the very thing that I have yearned for, yet never found in women my age!

This slow-burning flame I have the fortune to enjoy day after day is something I find much more cosy, more inviting, but finally something that can truly blaze with raw passion, rather than the all-consuming forest fires I seem to find so common in anyone my age. After all, I want to be warm, secure and loved, not burnt over and over again.

So what, in the above paragraph, involves some sort of magic age limit? Where does the question of age come into this? As I write this, I found myself needing to ask my lover what her age actually was, as we see it as something so inconsequential, something so trivial and ultimately so near enough to pointless that I don’t even try to remember it. If my wants and desires are met, does it matter if that person is anything between 18 and 65? Of course not. If I find the perfect lover, her age is practically meaningless..

I want a woman who I can cradle lovingly in my arms and read quietly to, so that she will dream a wonderous dream while she sleeps. I want a woman who can be so very vixen in her nature, but so very kitten in her love when she chooses either. I want a woman who is as intelligent as she is loving, with a quiet intensity, but most of all, with a love for being orally pleasured until she passes out after god only knows how long. Where, I ask you, can I find these qualities in a better way than choosing an older woman?

I honestly believe that I must have undergone some major task, some amazing feat in a previous life, to be rewarded with an almost perfect bliss day after day. No, I choose to keep my bliss close to my heart, rather than trying a younger girl, and honestly? When I masturbate when she is not with me, visions of younger girls don’t do it for me anymore. She’s the one flame I have eyes for.


  1. Scott Clausen on November 1, 2022 at 2:11 pm

    I experienced some wonderful experiences (3 in all) with older women when I was a young adult. Many more positives than negatives, but looking back, there are some things I wish I had considered.

    First, I didn’t target older ladies, and while that was exciting in many ways, when you kind of find yourself falling into a fling or relationship, you really haven’t defined expectations for each other, and while this didn’t matter in my first experience, it became a painful experience in the second and third ones. In the second one, I was enticed by a new neighbor in my apartment building 25 years my senior. When things ended, she was very hurt seeing me start dating someone else. In the third, I found myself unexpectedly taken with this woman 20 years my senior. This relationship was a “secret” and things got weird and painful when she wanted me to start dating her daughter who I had never met, and while I immediately got out of the entire situation, it really messed with my mind for a long time. The age issue wasn’t a problem, but I think I let my guard down in that I trusted this lady completely and didn’t realize what a crazy nutjob she was.

  2. Caroline on October 1, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    Just a quick update to readers such as Julia who wanted to hear about more than just a cyber relationship. *smile*

    Elliot and I have now had several real life rendezvous' and I must say that the long wait preceding it was well worth it. Elliot and I fell wordlessly into each others arms the moment our eyes first met, everything having already been said over the many, many months of electronic liaison. It was like coming home.

    Making love was as good if not better than we had imagined it to be, and when it was time for us to part once more, we both wept.

    We still are with one another several hours of every day thanks to the worlds of cyber and telecommunications, and we are already planning on moving in with one another in a modified way as soon as real life complications (like finances) are properly harnessed and tamed.

    In other words… it can be as wonderful as we all dream, and it can last. We have been together 4 years now with no end in sight.

    Personally – I am very, very happy.

  3. Joan Price on August 10, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    > I'm a 40-something mom just learning that her 20-something son is going to be a father with a 40-something woman. It's hard for me to see how this can be a good thing….

    Bike Lady, thank you for your comment. I have to agree that it was irresponsible of your son and his lover of your age to make a baby together.

    Young men have had delicious affairs with older women, and I'm all for that. (I'm all for any kind of delicious affair between consenting adults that doesn't hurt anyone else.) But making a baby ties them together for life, and few 20-year-olds are ready, willing, or able to take on that kind of responsibility and commitment.

    I can understand why you're not jumping on the joy wagon about age-disparate affairs, Bike Lady, and I appreciate that you reminded us that barrier protection is VERY important.

  4. The BIKE Lady on August 7, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    I’m not sure how I feel about reading this, as I’m a 40-something mom just learning that her 20-something son is going to be a father with a 40-something woman. It’s hard for me to see how this can be a good thing, though I realize it’s not my business to make that judgement. I’m human, though, and I’m the mom of the boy, and, to me, he’s still a boy.

    I’d love to hear from women who are on the side of the lover, and not the side of this soon-to-be grandmother…for the other perspective.


  5. Caroline on July 15, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    Yes, Julia, I truly understand! Its because I didn’t want anyone to feel “let down” that I tried to explain the situation as it really is between Elliot and myself. I especially wanted to reach all those others who are also very much in love yet separated by many miles between them. Without the cyber medium we have today, we wouldn’t be able to share nearly as much as we do now. Living nearer to one another is not an option at the moment, I’m afraid.

    You may be pleased to know that Elliot and I are planning our first adventure weekend together – a real, true life physical meeting. You can imagine how excited we are on the one hand, yet how calm we are on the other since we’ve already become so emotionally bonded. The weekend is being carefully planned including candle light and a bottle of red wine. It will truly be a time for lovemaking in addition to plain ol’ Cougar sex.

    Good things are indeed worth waiting for!

    **I hate typos so I reposted**

  6. julia carter on July 6, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    I have to say that when I read that this was a cyber relationship, at first I was sort of let down. But you know, the internet is part of our lives now, the expression of our global world village.

    Caroline reminds me that it is the right of consenting adults to define one’s intimate relationship(s) as one sees fit. I’m so big on this principle that I think it should be in the Constitution. (Part of my so far imaginary “personal privacy amendment.”)

    So I’ve decided this is indeed, as I first thought, a beautiful relationship. (Not that our opinion matters!) Certainly it has intimacy, and pleasure. The lack of actual physical contact just proves over again that love is the important part.

    Thanks to this couple for sharing.

  7. Caroline on July 4, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    I’m Caroline, and I’m proud to be Elliot’s older lover. I have to admit that I just learned that we older women are now referred to as “cougars”. Well I guess its better than “grannies”. I really can’t adjust to that last one! I’d rather be considered feral than pruney. *smile*

    Reading Elliot’s words here made my heart glow. I know his love for me as he knows my love for him. What he failed to mention here which may be of interest is the fact that we aren’t physical lovers because we live in different parts of the world. We are using the cyber world of webcams and VOIP to connect us, to bring us together for our love making sessions. *warm smile* The oral sex he refers to is what we do often as we fantasize together, both of us masturbating simultaneously, using our minds and hearts to complete what our bodies cannot as yet. He knows it is something that turns me on wildly. And I’m very pleased to know that it turns him on just as much. For us… it is already a reality.

    Now before some of you go running off saying “Oh, and here I thought they were REAL lovers….” let me point out that we have spent nearly every day together via internet for several years, we have long since become best friends, we have gotten each other out of bed at night to cradle the other after a frightening nightmare or bad coughing fit. We’ve argued together, we’ve cried together.

    We’ve even learned to say “I’m sorry.”

    Elliot, bless the powers that be that led you to me, to be my best friend, my lover, my soulbound. Yes, I feel flattered that you as a young man could look at this body of nearly 50 and still say, “God, you look beautiful!” But I think what amazes me most is your love for me in spite of those moments where I forget what I said just the other day, and those evenings where I complain about feeling like a beached whale with PMS, and those unavoidable occasions where my wrinkles seem more deeply etched in my face than the last time you saw me. And today when I showed you that picture of me 20 years ago and that one of me now…. and you honestly preferred the latter!

    Dear, dear Elliot, you have it wrong. You see, I’m the one who obviously must have done some wonderful thing in a past life to have been blessed with one such as you. To hell with taboos.

    Your cougar,

  8. Sarah on July 4, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    That is so beautiful to read – I allowed myself to re-read it several times before commenting. Love, true love, should have no limits attached to it by society whether it be between lovers of the same gender or between lovers separated by nearly three decades. I find this to be a wonderful example of what can be enjoyed by two people who look within and beyond what lies upon the surface. Now if only the world we live in would also stop being so blind.

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