“im 19 looking for an older granny”

hey joan im 19 looking for an older granny that i can meet and have a relationship with.how can i do this

This is an actual email I received, similar to others, unfortunately. Instead of simply deleting it, I’m going to answer this question once and for all:

1. I don’t know any sexually inclined women of our age who respond to being perceived as “an older granny.”

2. We grew up being educated to use capital letters at the beginnings of sentences, names, and for the word “I.” Not doing this makes you appear uneducated and/or in too much of a hurry to bother. If you’re in that much of a rush that you can’t press the shift key once in a while, think about what you’re conveying to an older woman as the kind of sexual partner you’d be.

3. You may have found me by skimming my blog, but you obviously didn’t read it carefully or you would have seen the “younger men older women” label, with several posts on this topic. Read them!

For younger men who have a serious and respectful interest in a relationship with an older woman who might be open to you, I’m going to reframe some points I’ve made before:

Get out and do the social activities you enjoy, where you’ll meet women who enjoy the same activities. That way, it’s easy to strart a conversation with a stranger because you already have something in common to talk about.

Once you spy a woman who attracts you, do NOT use the “Hey, you’re hot and I love older women, wanna go to my place?” approach. Instead, open the conversation with comments on the activity you’re sharing or ask her for advice, e.g., depending on where you are and what you’re doing,

(Dance venue:) You’re a really good dancer — would you dance the next one with me?”

(Bookstore:) “Have you read any books by this author?”

(Gym:) “Your workout is obviously working for you — you look terrific. Do you recommend the aerobics classes here?”

(She’s reading a Kindle:) “Oh, you have a Kindle! Do you mind telling me how you like it?

(Park:) “How far does this trail go? Does it loop back or will I get hopelessly lost?”

And so on. I based these examples on activities I do, places I go, and comments that would get my attention and start a conversation. Of course you need to modify the topics by what you’re doing. (I’m only covering face-to-face meetings here — online meetings are entirely different.)

Most important advice of all: You may be hoping to share the sheets with an older woman, but you need to show her that you appreciate her as a person and value more than her genitals. You also need to show her that you’re an interesting person yourself. Remember that her most vital sex organ is her brain, and you’ve got to make contact there first.


  1. paula, 57 on October 10, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    What is this deal with writing in one long run on sentence with no capitals and no punctuation? Okay I sometimes don't capitalize when writing to my email buds, but they know I know how, and I think at some point you have to end one sentence and start another. Commas and dashes are very handy too, helps clarify what you're saying.

    There's this very short concise book called "The Elements of Style" by E. B. White. It outlines everything you ever need to know about writing well.

    I would agree that most older women (my preferred way of defining myself) would look for a younger man who wrote in a conventional way and would take time to get to know the person instead of just going for the sex. Anyone at any age who just wants to get right to the sex is probably way off balance, and having a relationship with them most likely won't end up being a pleasant experience.

  2. Victoria on October 4, 2009 at 11:25 pm

    I agree… what fun to read your no-nonsense yet non-judgemental (except about using capitals) approach!!! You do what you do so well, Joan, thanks for being there!

  3. Christina on October 2, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Great responses, Joan.

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