“How are you managing/coping with sex in this seemingly endless pandemic as we close in on a full year?”  I asked my newsletter subscribers in March 2021. Several of you sent me your comments. One person – we’ll call her “Cat” – sent a personal story that was so joyful and inspiring that I asked her permission to post it here. – Joan

I am Cat, age 60, a widow for one year. My best friend since elementary school passed away last fall, and I reached out to her husband, B., to check on how he was doing, We started video chatting three months ago. Much to my surprise, our connection has evolved into a deeper relationship.

We now spend most non-working hours together on a virtual app, and we literally go to sleep and wake up together. We go on virtual dates where we plan a menu and a movie or comedy show to watch together. We cook our meal together (they often do not look quite the same!), set our individual tables with lots of candles, and eat together virtually. We buy tickets to online concerts and watch at the same time, talking via messenger while watching.

We use end-to-end encrypted programs such as WhatsApp or Signal App. The Internet isn’t perfect – it has frozen or dropped at the most inopportune times! – but this relationship wouldn’t exist at this time without it.

We share virtual bath nights using Signal App. He gets to see all of me and vice versa! And yes, we have virtual sex. While it is not the same as in person, it can be explosive. It is almost like we are in the same room at the same time. He satisfies me sexually more than I ever experienced before.

We discussed the possibility of a visit, and as I knew what I hoped would happen, I requested and we agreed to have STI testing done as a prerequisite. We agreed to self-isolate to the best of our ability for two weeks, limiting contact to anyone else, wearing a mask and social distancing when errands could not be avoided.

He came for a two-week visit and oh, what an amazing time! He awoke something in me that I thought was dead. For the first time in years, I felt sexually satisfied. I loved waking up in his arms and was comfortable talking with him about anything. I wish it could have gone on forever, but he had to go back home to work.

We want to be together, but it is complicated as we are both five years away from retirement and live 16 driving hours from each other. His adult children are not happy that he is already seeing someone when their Mom just passed away last fall, and they are making it hard for him. Fortunately, my children just want me to be happy.

He is coming back for another visit, this time for a month. Who knows where this relationship will go, but I know where I would like it to go!

Roses from B. to Cat

2 Comments

  1. Ingrid Cooney on March 15, 2021 at 10:21 am

    I think that this is a very nice story, and I wish them both lots of luck and happiness! It’s good that they found each other! Both needed this close relationship with an understanding partner. Their relationship developed from a sexual one to having a good friend – or was it the other way around? The most important aspect in a relationship is first and foremost to be a good friend, and if there’s also a sexual attraction it’s ideal! They were old and mature enough to find each other and to make their decisions together! Good people also usually make their own and “good decisions” whatever they are! They’re not Teenagers anymore that need somebody else’s guidance!

  2. Mac Marshall on March 14, 2021 at 7:16 pm

    This is so deeply heartwarming! But for a few years I can imagine having been in the same situation following my wife’s death. I wish Cat and the man lucky enough to have found her all the very best going forward. (BTW: His kids need to grow up and recognize he can make his own decisions on such matters.)

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