Posts by Joan Price
Loving Our Own Aging Bodies
Lauren Marie Fleming’s email to me began,
I’m putting together the final touches for the launch of
my BawdyLove program and I wanted to ask if you’d be interested in sharing
what I’m calling your “Bawdy Love origin story”, or the moment(s)
where you decided you were done hating yourself and ready to work towards
loving yourself fully.
I didn’t ever “hate” my body, but I didn’t see it as beautiful or sexy through most of my teenage and adult years. I looked good in clothes, but naked, my body was far from the media’s image of what a sexy female body should look like. My breasts have never been perky, not even as a teenager. They always flopped, and the older I get, the flatter and floppier they become.
But here’s the strange thing: I love my body now more than I ever have. OK, you can tease me about my eyesight, but honestly, it isn’t about what I look like — it’s what I feel like. and I feel like a beautiful, sensual, sexy woman at age 71. Here’s how I got here:
1. When my great love Robert and I fell in love, he truly found me beautiful and told me so often. He and I had a morning routine, where he brought me coffee in bed, I let the covers slip from my breasts, he covered his eyes and stepped back as if dazzled by my beauty. This didn’t just go one way — I would drink in his body with my eyes and tell him, “You’re the handsomest man in my world.” Take-away point: If you’re lucky enough to have a lover in your life, let each other know how sexy/ beautiful you find each other.
2. I discovered shaper bras that can give me the uplift and cleavage that my breasts don’t have on their own, and that makes me feel confident in sexy, revealing clothing. Take-away point: Shop for underwear and outerwear that show off your body to the best advantage. Put the accent on revealing rather than covering up.
3. I did a lingerie shoot with a photographer at age 65, and I enjoyed it so much that I repeated the experience at age 68. (Hmm, I’m due for another!) I learned so much from the experience of posing in lingerie and seeing the photos afterwards. Take-away point: Pose in lingerie if this intrigues you — you’ll discover that the camera reveals how sexy you are in ways you never saw on your own.
4. I realized that this body, whatever its age, is capable of giving me great sensual and sexual pleasure. What’s sexier than that? I celebrate my body because of the sensations and the pleasure I get from it. I encourage you to do the same. Take-away point: Whether you’re partnered or not, experience, enjoy and love your body’s sexy gifts to you.
I asked followers of my Naked at Our Age Facebook page to comment about their own body image challenges. Here’s what they said:
- I turned 62 yesterday and of course never appreciated my young self’s body. While I try to appreciate my current body, sagging breasts, stretch marks, and loose skin make my newly single sex life a challenge. The lights are out before sex and I don’t dress or undress in front of him. He likes my body but I’m still not comfortable being naked in front of him.
- I’m 55. I have been severely limited in expressing myself freely because I think I should be a smaller size. A friend who was heavier than me once said, “Men don’t care what size you are as long as they can get it in there!” Too funny! I guess she could sense my fear was holding me back from meeting anyone. I have never been able to be that uninhibited about not being my ideal size. Hence, I have been alone a while now. I say I’ll meet someone when I trim down.
- How about also addressing the challenge of explaining scars from injuries and surgeries to a person not yet familiar with what adventures and misadventures you have survived? Along with the ethical quandary of a cancer survivor (with the scars to prove it) dating a person who lost their mate to cancer?
- The most insecure I have been is after surgeries. Explaining your scars and exposing them is nerve wracking. Plus your body has been through a trauma and getting intimate after these events takes time from healing and a patient lover.
- [from a therapist:] I frequently counsel with gorgeous women from 30-65+ who look at their body in the mirror and all they see is the tummy roll from child-bearing or their less than 34D bust. What I see is a woman who is physically, spiritually and emotionally beautiful, but just doesn’t look like the Victoria’s Secret models. You must love yourself before you can love others, and that includes your body.
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| Lauren Marie Fleming |
Transparent and Still Mine: highly recommended
I’m always hungry for films that portray aging and relationships insightfully, teaching me something new and unexpected.
Amazon Prime jolted me recently with two stellar offerings — one series and one film — that feature aging characters who don’t fit any of the stereotypes. Both affected me profoundly, and I recommend them to you:
Transparent
At 68, Mort (played masterfully by Jeffrey Tambor) comes out as a trans woman who wants to be called Maura. In this sweet, smart, and strongly acted ensemble series, we see the strengths and vulnerabilities of Mort/Maura and a family of ex-wife and three adult children — who make a ton of relationship mistakes of their own.
This 10-episode series resolves many questions and leaves enough unanswered to allow for a second season, which is in the works — hurray!
Yes, there’s lots of sex in Transparent, but (boo) only Maura’s children are having it. Maura is more interested in establishing her identity and being accepted by her family than in having sex with anyone — at least in season 1. Will this change in the second season?
Still Mine
Craig (James Cromwell) is watching Irene (Geneviève Bujold), his wife of 61 years, lose her memory. He loves her fiercely and wants to protect her by building a house that will be easier for her to live in.
Although Craig has been building houses his whole life, he’s no match for the bureaucracy that insists on permits and strict adherence to building codes that are irrelevant to Craig (the plans are in his head; the lumber came from a tree he felled; the knowledge came from his father and a lifetime of craftsmanship and self-sufficiency).
The love and chemistry between Craig and Irene are powerful. The tenderness in their loving looks and caresses will make you applaud or cry or both. And rather than portray this elderly couple as sexless, there’s a sexy undressing scene early in the film that includes, “This never gets old. We always did passion well.”
This film is based on real people and actual events. Don’t miss it.
What films have you watched that portrayed aging and relationships in a non-stereotypical way? I look forward to your recommendations.
Sexy Seniors’ Holiday Gift Guide 2014
Searching for a sexy gift for your lover or yourself?
2014 has been a great year for innovative sex toys! Here are my favorites from December 2013 to December 2014:
Palm Power: New favorite vibrator! Drum roll, please: Introducing the Palm Power, a lightweight, ergonomically designed product that packs so much power into a small, silicone topped vibrator that it jumped to #1 on my personal Hit Parade the first time I used it. And the second time. And… you get the picture. I continue to be amazed at how a vibrator this small can deliver such intense vibrations. With the different caps available, this vibrator is versatile for any gender body.
Doxy – a power tool: Oh my. I wouldn’t have imagined that a vibrator this strong existed. I don’t even need to take it to the highest power setting to send me spinning into space. Even the low settings are strong and they’re rumbly rather than buzzy. A really strong wand vibrator. If you or your loved one needs extra power, Doxy delivers.
Men, you’ll love the Pulse! Presenting… The Pulse, a pulsing, oscillating, amazing vibrator for men that does not require an erection for his pleasure! That’s right — unlike other vibrating “sleeves,” the penis does not have to be hard to start enjoying it. Spread open the flexible flaps, rest your penis in it, turn it on, and enjoy the sensations. The Pulse is the perfect gift for the penis in your life.
Iroha: Cutest Vibrators Ever. The Iroha Rechargeable Silicone Vibrators, available in three styles and shapes, are adorable and cushy. I want to cuddle and squeeze them. And yes, they’re dynamic little vibrators — though not turbo power. The vibrator has a cushy layer, covered by a body-safe silicone skin. It’s not soft through and through (there’s a motor in there) — just a layer — so you can press firmly and feel just a little cushioning, or press lightly, and it all feels soft. Delightful.
Minna Limon: Cute, Squeezable Vibrator. I like my new Minna Limon so much that I’m starting to think of it almost as a pet rather than a product. It’s cute, touchable, squeezable, fun to play with, and responsive. But no, it’s not a pet — it’s a vibrator, and it’s a delight. This is a great gift for a loved one, a pal, or yourself. It works like this: Power it on with the button, then squeeze the sides of the Limon. The harder you squeeze, the stronger the intensity, though it never gets super strong. 
Original Magic Wand + Accessories. The Magic Wand has been around since the 1970s, almost as long as I’ve been having vibrator-assisted orgasms, and it’s been responsible for a good many of them. It was called the Hitachi Magic Wand until recently. (I reviewed it here.) Now, after Hitachi sold distribution rights to Vibratex, it’s the Original Magic Wand. So the new Magic Wand is called the “original,” and it’s as strong as ever — and much less pricey than most quality sex toys.
If you’d like to give a sex-themed gift that isn’t a vibrator, consider 
Need a stocking stuffer? - An elegant bottle or refillable case of Überlube, a superbly comfortable, slick, long-lasting, silicone lubricant. (Fine with condoms, not with silicone sex toys.) You can even use it to style your hair or eliminate chafing during sports.
- Condom sampler from Lucky Bloke: great variety, including some brands you’ve never heard of. And don’t you want to do business with a company whose motto is “Have more sex and save the world”?
- Blossom Organics Natural Moisturizing Lubricant or Warm Sensation Lubricant, pH balanced for female bodies. (Fine with condoms and with silicone sex toys.) If she likes arousal gels, the Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel is, as it claims, pure pleasure, adding an extra tingle!
Iroha Mikazuki and Minamo: soft, slender, gentle vibrators
Squishy soft, slim, and ergonomically designed to embrace the vulva, the Iroha Mikazuki and Minamo will delight you if you need or prefer a slender and gentle vibrator.These smooth silicone vibrators can be inserted vaginally or used externally over the clitoris and surrounding area. (It is not designed for anal insertion.)
Differences:
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- Mikazuki is a soft yellow color and has a smooth, slightly curved shape. The tip is soft and squishy; the rest has just a bit of cushion. The tip is .7 inch in diameter, progressing to 1.1″ midway to 1.4″ just above the controls.
- Minamo is light blue and has a wavy shape. The waves and tip are soft and squishy. The tip is .9″ in diameter, progressing to 1.3″ at the larger wave.
Pros:
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- Slender, smooth, and soft enough for vaginal insertion by those who experience pain or discomfort with penetration and for external comfort on older, thinner genital skin. (Of course, use plenty of water-based lubricant.)
- Can fit easily between bodies for extra clitoral stimulation during partner sex.
- Controls are easy to see and use, even with lubed fingers. Use the big button to turn it on and progress through higher intensities; use the little button to decrease intensity or turn it off. You don’t even need your reading glasses!
- Body-safe, high-quality materials.
- Rechargeable.
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| Demo of squishy tip |
- Waterproof for use in the tub or shower.
Cons:
- Although the settings are supposed to be low, medium, high, and pulse, the highest setting is what I would call medium. It’s not powerful enough for those of us who need really strong vibrations.
- Because they’re shaped for both external and internal use, the shape does not easily find the G-spot when used internally.
- Expensive (but you’re paying for high-quality materials and design).
These rechargeable vibrators come in a storage case that is also a charging case. Plug the cord via USB or wall adapter. Note that when it’s charging, a steady light will stay on. That confused me (until I read the directions), because most rechargeable vibrators display a pulsing light while charging, and a steady light when fully charged. Not these.Is one of these vibrators for you? Yes, if you want a toy that is slimmer and softer than most. (Many of you have told me that most vibrators are too girthy or hard.) No, if you need powerful vibrations or larger girth.
Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending me the Iroha Mikazuki and Minamo to review.
