Posts by Joan Price
Foria — get your vulva high on cannabis
“Foria. The First Marijuana Infused Personal Lubricant for Her Pleasure” – from the Foria website.
I tried this product with a large dose of skepticism at first, but oh my god, I haven’t had orgasms this intense for decades. It doesn’t increase my arousal or bring me to orgasm faster, but once orgasm creeps up on me, it’s more powerful and much deeper than what I’ve been experiencing as an older woman.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve continued to use Foria for special occasions — I don’t want to run out too fast! I use it for solo pleasure mostly. It’s not condom-compatible, and I only have partner sex with condoms, so except for one lovely “hands only” partner encounter, I’ve reserved my dates with Foria for self-pleasuring.
I continue to love this product! As I said, it doesn’t affect arousal or decrease the time I need — I can’t even tell it’s working until I actually reach orgasm. Then, it makes the orgasm feel deeper, fuller, and way stronger. I wish it were legal everywhere so every woman in our age group who is experiencing muted orgasms could try it.
Yeah, I wish it were legal everywhere, too, and without a medical marijuana prescription. Right now, Foria, a combination of coconut oil and THC (cannabis) oil, used on vulvas for sexual enhancement, is only available for residents of California with a physician statement and recommendation letter for the use of medical marijuana.
Have any of you used Foria? I’d like some opinions/experiences from other people who have tried it, especially (though not exclusively) from our 50-80+ age group. Contact me privately if you don’t want to identify publicly, and I’ll post for you.
If you tried it but you hesitate to make a public statement because you don’t qualify for legal use, I’d still like to hear from you and will keep your info confidential.
Email me with “Foria” in the subject line.
This post will be expanded once I gather more personal experiences. I hope to hear from you!
(This post was originally published October 2, 2014. I expanded it after the woman quoted above added to her original comments.)
Doxy – a power tool
When Roylin Downs, owner of Trystology, told me that I had to try the Doxy Wand, I believed her. She knows my preference for intense vibrators, even if that means that they’re heavy and need to be plugged in.
Oh my. I wouldn’t have imagined that a vibrator this strong existed. I don’t even need to take it to the highest power setting to send me spinning into space. Even the low settings are strong and they’re rumbly rather than buzzy. If you cycle from the lowest to the highest setting, it sounds like a plane taking off.
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| Doxy vs length of my arm. |
Be aware that when you first turn it on, it doesn’t start at the lowest setting, but at higher than mid-point. From there, use the “+” or “-” to turn it up or down. There’s also a pulse setting activated by holding down the power button for two seconds, then releasing, but I have to admit that I didn’t bother with that.
What can I say? It works hard, and it works quickly, even for this almost 71-year-old, slow-burning woman.
I generally prefer vibrators that are easy on arthritic wrists — this one is not. It’s heavy, it’s huge, and I would be in pain from trying to hold it for any length of time. However, that’s irrelevant, because it works so fast that my wrist barely notices. Yes, it’s that good.
“But how does it compare to the Magic Wand?” you’re asking. It’s bigger. (“Bigger?! No way!” Yes, bigger.) And heavier. The cord is longer. All those sound bad, but it’s not bad because all that size is necessary for the power it delivers.
As far as intensity goes, the Doxy feels stronger, but it may just seem that way because the head is larger and covers more territory.
I also like Doxy’s head more than the Magic Wand’s because Doxy is more cushy. Strong and soft are a great combination.
The head is made of medical grade PVC, according to the tiny, mini-font instruction booklet. I didn’t know that PVC plastic can be medical-grade, but I looked it up, and it’s phthalate-free and used for things like oxygen bags, drainage bags, and medical tubing. I know that doesn’t sound very sexy except to my fellow sex geeks who get excited at learning about sex toys made of body-safe materials.
You can use water-based or silicone-based lubricants with Doxy, but not oil-based lubes.
No pouch included, which is shameful. An expensive sex toy should always come with its own pouch, especially since you’re not likely to have anything around large enough to store it in. Maybe a knee-high sock, if you happen to have a spare. Doxy comes in a cardboard box that’s even more enormous than it requires — not the best storage solution unless you have a large, empty drawer.
The mini-instruction booklet has all the requisite warnings — don’t use under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or on inflamed skin, or if pregnant, or in water, etc. The warning that makes no sense to me is this: “Do not use… if you are under the age of 16.” Why the heck not? I wish I had owned this vibrator when I was 15!
Thank you, Roylin and Trystology, for sending me the Doxy Wand, highly recommended for all of us who need extra power in our sex toys and have room in our drawer for a 15-inch-long vibrator! Available in white or black.
Dating After 50, 60, 75 — Making Our Own Rules
“Online Dating Over 50: The Rules of The Game” on Huffington Post began,
Monica Porter, who dated “dangerously” for a year, shares nine top tips to help protect yourself, including: don’t believe anything, be careful who you get into bed with and split the check. If you’re looking for romance through online dating, make skepticism your starting point, says Monica.
Sure, “be careful whom you get in bed with” and “split the check” are reasonable, whatever your age and whether you’re dating online or some other way. But the negative attitude overall made me cringe For example,
Rule #1 of dating over 50: Don’t believe anyone. Emotionally, you need to construct a wall around yourself which nobody can penetrate until you believe it to be safe. People will plunder your emotions without compunction if you let them. It is up to you keep them locked up, like jewels.
Really? I’ve been online dating for a while now, and though I have my own frustrations with it (see my advice to men here), fearing that my precious emotions will be plundered if I don’t lock them up is not one of them.
Personally, I think that most people of our age who are using online dating sites are looking for love/ lust/ sex/ adventure/ friendship/ companionship, or some combination of these; feel as vulnerable as we do; and have good intentions. Am I naive?
Isn’t the point of a first date to know each other enough to decide whether we want a second date? Isn’t part of that being ourselves, talking openly, and, yes, risking a little? I’ve met people who have their emotions locked up, and I have no interest in dating them.
I invited the fans of my Naked at Our Age Facebook page to weigh in. Boy howdy, were you willing! Here are some of your points:
Janet, 55: I agree, it is very negative. If you go into online dating with fear and negativity, that is what you will attract. I suggest: Know yourself, be clear about what you expect from the site, be clear on the qualities of a date you are seeking, be ruthlessly honest because you have nothing to lose — you don’t want to waste time in a charade. This is the time of life to be real. Be you, be positive, have fun and you will attract what you put out.
Dana, 62: I tried online dating and it seemed like every man I met had a laundry list, and I was too short, not brunette, too chunky, not enough like their ex wife, too much like their ex wife, too independent, not independent enough, too sexual, too frigid, and on and on. They had this woman pictured in their mind and were looking for her and her alone. My strongest recommendation would be not to make snap judgments at the first meeting. Be willing to let things unfold, be curious. Resist the temptation to judge a book by its cover. Just relax and don’t be on the hunt for your “soul mate” (whatever the heck that is). Find a true friend, a joyful companion, a kind soul and be nice. Let life, God, the universe, fate (whatever you want to call it) choose for you.
Jim, 58: As negative as it may be, is the article accurate? I say, for the most part, yes. Photos are old, many of them are of flowers, their dog, whatever. Would it be nice for a woman to offer to help pay for a nice dinner? Never happens. Not that I would accept it either, but the offer would be nice. I think we all have preconceived notions of what we want, but I agree that you need to let things flow. I find that many women aren’t ready to date, let alone have a new relationship. After 3-4 dates, it’s “I just don’t think I’m ready,” or “my ex BF is really trying to be a better man so I’m going to go back and give it another try,” or “I thought I was ready but now I’m not sure.”
Ruth, 67: I think the Huff Post article is valid to some extent — don’t believe anybody! It doesn’t mention that you can ask for a reference after you’ve met someone for the first time and before you hop into bed with them. You can find out about the person’s honesty and relationship history from someone else’s point of view. I don’t agree with the statement, “If you meet someone you fancy, by all means enjoy good, fun sex. But – hard-nosed as it sounds, and I can’t pretend it’s always easy – take the emotion out of it or you will be hurt over and over again.” I can’t take the emotion out of sex and I’m not sure many people can.
Paula Ellen, 53: I find the photo with the article pretty offensive. Why isn’t there a photo of a 60-year-old, gray-haired woman with a thirty-something male? Jesus.
Brian, 64 :
I’m a verbal guy, I’m not interested in profiles without a lot of writing either in the profile essays, or in the explanations of the questions on OKCupid. That’s where I gauge such things as sense of humor, care for others, and intellectual curiosity. I wonder what women are thinking when they post a profile picture showing them scowling or otherwise looking unhappy. My correspondents tell me that they get tons of messages from men on the model of “Hi beautiful, what’s up?” (That sort is the more tasteful) I can’t give advice on how to handle this, except to put clearly in your profile something that you ask for a comment on, if only to see if someone actually read it. I sent a woman one of my usual cheerleading notes, telling her how much I loved her profile and wishing her good luck. Six months later, we’ve got a very fine romance going, despite the long distance. As it happened, one of my lovers had just said goodbye for reasons best known to her, and I had some time/energy to spare.
So, be careful what you don’t ask for. You may get it.
Ashton, 62: I agree that that article is way too negative. I’m a fan of OK Cupid and I think you need to go into it open-minded rather than paranoid. My #1 rule of online dating is to meet sooner rather than later.
Cyril, 65: While I agree that the wording is negative and excessively emphasizes the need for caution, we should not be gullible or leave ourselves open to exploitation, whether by a date or a rogue trader. Simply put, make sure they have earned your trust before you open up.
Chuck: I’m 74 and my honey is 78. We met on JDate two years ago. The obvious catalyst is honesty–and candor. We got the heavy lifting done on our first date (my alcoholism and depression, her husband’s dementia) and moved on from there. Respecting one another’s history and allowing space for individualism, these have worked so well for us.
CatalystCon West 2014: Catalyst Award!
CatalystCon – Sparking Communication in sexuality, activism and acceptance is an amazing conference that happens twice a year: once in Washington, DC and once in Los Angeles. If you attend, you’ll never forget it.
The presenters and attendees are sex educators, bloggers, authors, researchers, professors, sex workers, adult entertainment performers, therapists, and anyone else who has a commitment to sharing in the conversation about sexuality education and activism.
You’ll meet legends in the field who paved the way to the kind of sexual liberation most of us in the US enjoy today. You may find yourself sitting next to a porn star or an erotica writer who sparked your own sexual awakening. You’ll get so much new information and so many diverse points of view that your brain and heart will expand.
CatalystCon feels like my world — a loving world in which sexuality is celebrated, and all sex-positive viewpoints and consensual behavior are accepted. I attend regularly and I give a presentation (or two) about senior sex each time. Even when I’m the oldest person in the room, I feel warmth, acceptance, and genuine interest in what I have to say.
This time, there was an additional surprise for me: I received the Catalyst Award “for inspiring exceptional conversations in sexuality”! I can’t remember what organizer Dee Dennis said about me when I rose to accept the award (I had absolutely no idea in advance!) — all I remember is looking out at 300 people who were standing, applauding, and smiling at me.
Here is the description of the purpose and mission of this conference from http://catalystcon.com/:
CatalystCon is a conference created to inspire exceptional conversations about sexuality. It is about reaching out and stimulating those who attend to create those important conversations in their own communities, changing how we as a society talk about and treat sexuality. It is about stimulating the activist that is within all of us and sparking transformation in the way our friends, neighbors, children and even politicians discuss one of the most important aspects of humanity.
This is a conference meant to energize, enlighten and exhilarate. It is a conference where everyone is welcome, everyone is respected, and everyone is encouraged to share their knowledge and experiences. As the struggle continues over issues relating to equal rights, access to health care, and sex education, it is more important than ever to come together and have these important conversations on all areas of sexuality.
The fundamental principle of CatalystCon is that knowledge is power and sharing that knowledge is the first spark in igniting change.
Do you see why winning the 2014 Catalyst Award feels to me like one of the most important honors ever? See why my smile takes over my entire face?
If you can attend in the future, please do. You’ll be changed by it: listening to, learning from, and networking with the most interesting people you’ll ever find in one weekend of sharing information and attitudes about sexuality.
I’ll write more about what I learned from the presenters in another post, coming soon. The conference really wasn’t “all about me,” and neither was my enjoyment of it. I just had to share this much right away!