Posts by Joan Price
Teaching counseling students about older adults & sex
Update 10/20: Wonderful experience talking to counseling students yesterday at San Francisco State with fabulous instructor Rebekah Skoor. Once the counselors-in-training realized I really would discuss anything they asked, we covered an array of topics about ageless sexuality, many of them very personal. They were also interested in understanding grief after loss of a spouse, and I talked openly about that, too. It was beautiful to be in a crowded room of mostly young people who were eager to understand and support the older person’s experience. I came away with more ideas about topics I’ll want to bring into focus in my new book, Naked At Our Age.
I’ve been invited to speak about sex & aging to graduate students of counseling at San Francisco State University in their one-and-only sexuality course. When the instructor, Rebekah Skoor, invited me, she told me, “This class has historically skipped over the lives of older adults in the curriculum and I am working to correct this critical oversight.” Kudos!
I want to help these future counselors understand senior sexuality, and also help them understand how to talk about it with clients who may be three times their age. Would you help me by commenting here about how you would like a counselor to talk to you about sex, and what issues you’d like help bringing up in the first place? Specifically, please comment on any or all of these questions:
What issues in your sex life — or, perhaps, lack of sex life — would you like a counselor to help you resolve?
How difficult would it be to speak to a younger counselor about your sex life?
How could a younger counselor help you feel more comfortable about opening up? Would you like her/him to initiate discussion of sex, or wait for you to bring it up?
What else would you like me to tell these counselors-in-training?
I suspect we’ll get lots of divergent points of view here, and that’s fine. Just because we’re seniors and elders doesn’t mean we feel the same way about anything! I’d like to collect these points of view to share with the counselors-in-training. Please post your comment, or email me and include permission to post it for you.
If you’re one of the students I’ll be talking to at SF State, please add your questions and comments — I’d love to hear from you.
Sex with 92-yr-old man
A 30-something blogger/swinger/ sex worker who calls herself and her blog The Beautiful Kind (“TBK”) posted a two-part story of her sexual adventure with Leonard, a 92-year-old man who hadn’t had sex in 30 years: Robbing the Graveyard and Robbing the Graveyard Update. At first I worried, because of her post titles, that she was making fun of Leonard, but she writes with respect, concern, and kindness.
I won’t give away the ending to this true story, except to say that it’s sad and disturbing. Read the two entries in order. I encourage you to discuss them here once you’ve read it.
Caveat: TBK’s blog lives on the wild and raunchy side, as does TBK herself, so visit with caution if you’re not accustomed to blogs that are more explicitly sexual than this one. If this caveat makes you laugh rather than wince, go for it!
Hitachi Magic Wand: strong enough for seniors
The Hitachi Magic Wand is exactly that: magic. I discovered its gift-that-keeps-on-giving qualities at least thirty years ago and enjoyed it often. It lasted for decades, but finally its head hardened and a rough ridge appeared, and I had to say goodbye. Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending me a new Hitachi Magic Wand for review. It’s not just as good as I remembered — at this time of my life, it’s better. I’ve been complaining throughout my vibrator reviews that I wished they were stronger. This one is!
When I used the Magic Wand as a young woman, I remember I had to cushion it with a washcloth to diffuse the sensations and temper the intensity just enough. At age 65 (one month to 66, hardly seems possible), I no longer need the washcloth. The wand is comfortable with just lubricant for cushioning, and the intensity is exactly right for flying to the moon.
I found it hilarious that the instructions that come with the Magic Wand have a diagram with numbers indicating the safe and effective places to “massage” — however the pelvic area is devoid of numbers! I guess we have to number our own….
(FYI, as I proofread this review, I discovered I twice mistyped “Magic Want” instead of “Magic Wand.” Now what does that tell you?)
If you googled “Hitachi Magic Wand review” you’d get 70,000 hits — but I’ll bet this is the only one you’ll read aimed at the senior/elder user. The Hitachi is the best-known (and best-loved) vibrator ever made, but I realize that many women in our age group grew up without sex toys being part of their experience.
Now that we’ve reached our age, an extra boost of intensity is really important for the stimulation our hormone-depleted bodies require to fire. If you haven’t incorporated sex toys into love play — with a partner or solo — I hope you’ll open your mind to it. Simply put, it’s far easier to reach an orgasm with the buzz from a clitoral vibrator than on our own. That’s just fact, at this stage of our lives. If you’re a woman who no longer reaches an orgasm easily — or at all — realize that you can recapture the sensation with some help — a Magic Wand, so to speak. (If you’re new to the idea of sex-toy-assisted stimulation, please read Senior Sex & Vibrators: Myths & Facts.)
Hitachi Magic Wand at GoodVibes.com
“im 19 looking for an older granny”
hey joan im 19 looking for an older granny that i can meet and have a relationship with.how can i do this
This is an actual email I received, similar to others, unfortunately. Instead of simply deleting it, I’m going to answer this question once and for all:
1. I don’t know any sexually inclined women of our age who respond to being perceived as “an older granny.”
2. We grew up being educated to use capital letters at the beginnings of sentences, names, and for the word “I.” Not doing this makes you appear uneducated and/or in too much of a hurry to bother. If you’re in that much of a rush that you can’t press the shift key once in a while, think about what you’re conveying to an older woman as the kind of sexual partner you’d be.
3. You may have found me by skimming my blog, but you obviously didn’t read it carefully or you would have seen the “younger men older women” label, with several posts on this topic. Read them!
For younger men who have a serious and respectful interest in a relationship with an older woman who might be open to you, I’m going to reframe some points I’ve made before:
Get out and do the social activities you enjoy, where you’ll meet women who enjoy the same activities. That way, it’s easy to strart a conversation with a stranger because you already have something in common to talk about.
Once you spy a woman who attracts you, do NOT use the “Hey, you’re hot and I love older women, wanna go to my place?” approach. Instead, open the conversation with comments on the activity you’re sharing or ask her for advice, e.g., depending on where you are and what you’re doing,
(Dance venue:) You’re a really good dancer — would you dance the next one with me?”
(Bookstore:) “Have you read any books by this author?”
(Gym:) “Your workout is obviously working for you — you look terrific. Do you recommend the aerobics classes here?”
(She’s reading a Kindle:) “Oh, you have a Kindle! Do you mind telling me how you like it?
(Park:) “How far does this trail go? Does it loop back or will I get hopelessly lost?”
And so on. I based these examples on activities I do, places I go, and comments that would get my attention and start a conversation. Of course you need to modify the topics by what you’re doing. (I’m only covering face-to-face meetings here — online meetings are entirely different.)
Most important advice of all: You may be hoping to share the sheets with an older woman, but you need to show her that you appreciate her as a person and value more than her genitals. You also need to show her that you’re an interesting person yourself. Remember that her most vital sex organ is her brain, and you’ve got to make contact there first.