Posts by Joan Price
Becka, 70, Gets Her First “Matches”
This guest blog is the second from Becka, a member of my online dating posse Enjoy Becka’s online dating report, Part 2: (Read Part 1 here.)
I signed up on Match.com and was instantly overwhelmed. I saw nowhere to click for anything free. Loads of ads blared at me, so I left. Free is good. All the other sites I looked at offered choices that were free, and you could upgrade to a paying choice later if you wanted to. It feels like bait and switch when they ask if you want to see a photo, you click on “yes,” and they take you to a page where you are offered a chance to pay for it. Be patient, stand your ground. If you like the facts about someone and decide to communicate, the person him/herself will send you a photo.
I signed up feeling very broad-minded, so I said that I was interested in meeting men ages 40-90 anywhere in the world. I am 70. But I lied about that and subtracted a year because I figure a 6 was more attractive than a 7. So sue me.
But the joke was on me. I was immediately shown six “matches,” ranging in age from 47 to 82. Guess who I found the most interesting? Yup. Age 82, who lived “only” 2,751 miles from me.
Here’s why I rejected the others, although some of you might find them appealing:
- Mike was a retired doctor who had no interests in anything other than things medical and golf. I hate golf.
- Robert said the most important thing in his life was his guru, whom he followed “passionately.” Personally, I like a man who thinks for himself, plus I wondered would he have enough passion left over for me?
- Cal was military all the way and liked his bed made up with precision corners. Me, I like rumpled sheets, lots of pillows and an oversized, wildly colorful bedspread. Definitely not a match!
- Zeke was into fixing up his trailer.
- Allen I actually knew and thought he was a sleaze.
- Harry suddenly appeared – true! — on the nightly news as a government employee who had been arrested for driving drunk. No thank you.
But I’m not discouraged. In fact, I’m about to send a response to Ian. He is retired, lives alone, has no family, is quiet, mild-mannered, unobtrusive and likes to fly. He is either Superman or a terrorist. So we’ll see.
Thank you, Becka, for your entertaining report! Who else wants to contribute your senior online dating experiences? See my invitation here. — Joan
Wading into the Senior Internet Dating Pool from Becka, senior online dating reporter
This guest blog is from Becka, the first reporter in my online dating posse to check in. Enjoy Becka’s first report:
WADING INTO THE SENIOR INTERNET DATING POOL
Here you are, deciding to sign up on a senior internet dating site. These tips based on my experience should minimize the pain and maximize the delight.
1. Find the courage. I sat and thought about doing this for a year before I took the plunge. One of my best friends was my motivator. She died. I asked myself, “What am I waiting for?”
2. Ask yourself what you are looking for: a soulmate? a lover? a friend? Do you want face to face contact or just an internet pal?
3. Choose your site carefully. Some sites have more class than others. For example, eharmony.com has a lengthy questionnaire that is interesting and fun to fill out. SeniorFriendFinder.com has only the barest essentials. You can guess for yourself which one is most likely to end up being a dating hit-and-run experience.
3. Lie. It can’t be helped. You fudge, you shave the truth, you fib. So does everyone else. Remember that! They ask you your body type. Will you select “Hot” or the all-purpose “Average”? You may think your body is hot, but, honey, have you forgotten or are just ignoring the hysterectomy scars, or the extra fat you carefully hide in your trousers, left over from a huge pride-producing weight loss? This is why you lie: there are too many things that are just too personal and intimate to put right out there on a website for the world to see. If you have no problem doing that, however, maybe you need boundary counseling. [note from Joan: I must need boundary counseling — I always tell the truth!]
4. Pick the right name. Guys, please don’t put “bo” after your name, as in Jackbo or Bobbo. If you are over 60 do not put “boy” in your name, as in boy556. That ship has long sailed. I did not respond to the inquiry from “boy123,” age 71 — I figured his perspective was dangerously skewed. Women, watch out for the sneaky names, like “Rob069” or “ilktofku” (this actually got by the censors). Shun cutesy names like “cuteypie” or “cuddlecakes” — do you really want to be defined by food? Pick a name that has some meaning for you, a name that you would feel proud of should the best person you’ve ever known read it.
5. Check your spelling! Otherwise you look stupid and you will get the responses you deserve.
NEXT POST: Becka signs up and gets matches — sort of.
X: The Erotic Treasury: 40 sexy stories
I took a month to read and savor X: The Erotic Treasury edited by Susie Bright, rationing myself just one or two of the 40 stories a day so I could think about them. This anthology is unusual for several reasons:
1. It’s a beautiful gift book, its cover decorated in a deep, shiny, rich, red pattern that looks almost like brocade, inserted into a fancy, equally decorative, cardboard holder with an “X” cut out.
2. The stories are really well-written. Most erotica just plops the reader into a sex scene, but most of these stories actually have plot development and character nuance.
3. This anthology runs the gamut of sexual preferences and turn-ons. Whether or not a particular story or sex act turns you on personally, it’s a rich collection of what rings people’s chimes.
My sexual tastes are admittedly tame compared to most of the characters in these stories. I don’t personally fantasize about being raped, dominated, gang-banged, or forced to go to the office in a tight corset with painful studs. But even the stories that didn’t turn me on personally were intriguing. I got to see an edgy side of people’s sex urges that I found fascinating. For example, I’ve never had the urge to be penetrated by a shoe (“and then it was inside of me, that perfect leather-covered heel”) or to invite five strangers to come on my face, but I won’t forget these stories anytime soon.
In case you’re wondering, you won’t find characters our age in these stories — most are of the instantly aroused, sopping-wet-panties generation. Bill Noble’s male character in the intricately plotted “Salt” has a gray ponytail, hurray.
Notable is the frequent use of condoms in these stories — hurray again. I’ve often thought that condom use would become more accepted if it was seen as part of erotic foreplay, and these stories play up that angle.
X: The Erotic Treasury is available in hardcover and Kindle edition. Although the hardcover is expensive, it’s a beautiful, spicy gift for your lover or yourself.
Man, 300 pounds: Should I purchase a penis extender?
Mason, age 67, is 6 feet tall and weighs 300 pounds. His new wife is 4 ft.9 inches tall and weighs only 101 pounds. “I think you can picture the problem,” Mason writes.
I have a LOT of belly fat all the way down to my penis area. When I was young I had about a 6 inch penis and weighed 200 and was able to please my wife in many ways. I have about 3 inches that is not covered by fat now but my belly keeps it from protruding long enough without hurting my wife.
When I make love I cannot be on top as I press too hard on her as well as the fat makes penetration not good at all. When she is on top, because of my fat she is having to hold on to my arms and it is like she is almost upside down trying to have sex.
She is a wonderful woman and does not complain but I know she is not enjoying sex the way she should and wants. She does have a climax but it is hard on her.
What I have in mind is purchasing a 3 inch penis extender that looks like a real penis and adding that to my penis to at least give me more length so I can penetrate without having to be on top of her.
Are you familiar with these extenders and do they work? Would they be hard to put on and will they stay on with the excitement of sex? I do not mind spending $40.00 for such a thing but do not wish to throw money away if they do not work.
Mason, have you asked your wife about this? Is this something she thinks she would enjoy? I don’t suggest surprising her with a penis extender without discussing it with her. How about trying these options first:
1. Bring her to orgasm manually or orally, with or without the assistance of a vibrator, before you have intercourse. Then intercourse can be of shorter duration and not so taxing on her.
2. If she likes penetration but has difficulty with intercourse, incorporate a dildo into your love play before or instead of intercourse.
3. Have her try being on top facing backwards during intercourse, her hands braced on your legs. Try elevating your hips, making your belly fat will fall away from her. (Set up mirrors if you like to watch each other’s faces.)
4. Consult your physician about what you can do to manage your weight. I’m not saying you could get back to your youthful weight of 200 pounds, but wouldn’t it enhance your sex life as well as your health if you could shed, say, 50 pounds?
5. Most important, ask your wife what would make her happy. Show her these suggestions and a picture of the penis extender you’re considering, if you think this would appeal to her. Have a loving discussion.
I hope these suggestions help. Would you let me know? I wish you and your wife much joy together.
— Joan