Becka, 70: 3 Men in Photo Finish for her Heart

Becka, our intrepid senior online dating reporter, has met several men now — after rejecting far more. Three men seem to be in a photo finish for her heart, she tells us! Here’s her latest report:

by Becka

I winnowed and winnowed trying to separate the wheat from the chaff and I didn’t even know what chaff was until I read some of the self- descriptions guys put on dating sites. Leo wrote that he was looking for a “soulmate to love forever” and then mentioned that his dog had passed away and “no one can replace that void.” Next!

Alex, 5′ 3” who makes less than $20,000 thought I should know that he “reads women’s magazines to study the opposition.” Next!

Sammy carroled that he wanted “to be Gomez to your Morticia.” Next!

Here’s the winner: said Donald of himself, “I am a smoker, earn under $12,000, drink a little, am passive and submissive and am looking for a woman who will finish the job my mother and sister started when I was a kid of turning me into a full female.” Neeeext!

You will learn an awful lot about yourself on this journey. Some things not so good; other things pretty damn good! I learned I liked a sense of humor but sometimes lacked one myself. It took a while for me to realize that Joe was joking when he wrote, “She must be breathing. If she’s not breathing, the whole deal is off.” Joe became Date No. 1. He does make me laugh and helps me be less uptight.

I also learned I am more of a risk taker than I thought. When Bill would not give any additional information until I revealed something of myself, I complained. He wrote, “Aw, now, why wouldn’t you want some mystery?” Bill became Date No. 2. We met the first time at a local diner and each of us wore something from Star Wars so we’d recognize the other. Okay, so now you know I’m a geek.

I like these men and intend to keep seeing them, but my favorite is Steve, Date No. 3. He is the one who offered to cook for me, massage my feet and “wander through the woods together armed only with a camera.” He suggested meeting at a hiking club event. I felt safe and knew I’d have a good time even if we didn’t hit it off. Smart man!

There are fabulous times to be had with wonderful people! To pull this off you need two senses: “common” and “adventure.” “Sixth” doesn’t hurt either. My three men are in a photo finish for my heart. My advice to you: get going!

Thank you, Becka, for sacrificing so much time in the pursuit of, uh, educating the rest of us! See Becka’s other online dating reports here.

Becka, 70: meeting men on senior dating sites

Becka, our intrepid senior online dating reporter, sent us her evaluation of several online dating sites from the perspective of a senior woman seeking men. As always, her report is both informative and entertaining:

by Becka

Let me paraphrase an old rock n roller: What a short, strange trip it’s been! A jolly, jarring, coo-coo, sweet time I’ve had meeting men on senior dating sites. From boffo to bozo, I’ve met them all – or so it seems. Too many men, too little time, not enough memory.

Eharmony probably has the best setup. They guide you through the process beautifully, with many options, and the vibes inherent in their name appear to attract a higher type of person, male and female. (That would be me, of course.) You will end up spending money unless you’re very lucky — and quick, because most of these dating sites are timed release sites. That means, they won’t release you to a fuller experience unless you are on time with a payment.

AgeMatch is just what it says. If you want a younger man but will stop short of hanging out at the local high school, this is your website. To each his own. One 30-something accepted me with the succinct phrase, “You’ll do.” I was supposed to be flattered. I was not.

On the other hand, a 20-something commented on my picture, “You look like a lovely fairy in the woods.” I was charmed. However, I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t a 10-year old using his dad’s computer.

Surprisingly I got more responses here than I did anywhere else: 67. Sixty-seven men wanted an older woman. Wow. Tell Hollywood! This may be very hopeful to those of you desiring that younger flash and dash. Or maybe youth today is just more tired than we know.

A super-friendly site is seniorchatters. It’s located in the UK, but don’t let that stop you. Plenty of Americans have joined. You get the first two weeks free, which is a plus. You can find both friends and lovers on this site and I began an interesting communication with a woman who lives in Turkey. I thought it would be neat to correspond with someone who has an entirely different life from mine. Keeps your brain alive.

I did end up going out with three men from my area and each one was a lovely person. I’ll share my experiences next time. Life is long and hectic, until you get to be a senior. Then you realize your mistake. It’s actually short and lonely. Why don’t they tell us? Don’t wait!

Thank you, Becka, for sacrificing so much time in the pursuit of, uh, educating the rest of us! See Becka’s other online dating reports here.

Becka, 70: Internet dating winks, flirts, and peeves

Becka, 70, the most active member of my senior online dating posse, has been trying to puzzle out the internet dating maze. Here’s her third report:

Trying to decode the mystique of the internet dating scene is a little like being lost in the middle of a Dan Brown book. “What does it all mean?” you ask yourself – many times.

My first piece was titled “Wading Into the Senior Internet Dating Pool.” I erred. The experience is more like being thrown fully clothed into the deep end of your neighbor’s pool which has not been cleaned for months!

I’ve discovered that these dating sites pad their numbers by keeping people on the rolls who have not visited in months, in some cases, years. They are, in effect, ghosts and will not, of course, respond to your inquiries.

Despite the ghosts, I have received a slew of responses. Some men who liked my profile responded right away and a day later sent me petulant “pokes” as to why I had not answered. Hold yer horses, buster! I’ve yet to figure out both the etiquette and the technology of this thing. But one thing I do know, I’m deleting the guy, age 65 who is looking for a woman 40-60!

Some of the choices you have for communicating are “icebreakers,” “winks” and “flirts.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve never winked at a guy in my life unless he was under the age of 8. If you are 60 or older, chances are you will not be comfortable taking the aggressive role. Okay, go to your corners and come out flirting! Luckily for you, it’s all anonymous. That makes you braver than you thought you’d ever be with men you don’t know — and might not want to know.

Some peeves:

  • Senior Match encouraged me to fill out a personality form only to disclose that I could use it if I paid. I didn’t like the subterfuge. But I’m finding out that if you don’t like subterfuge, don’t try internet dating.
  • A number of guys had signed up with two different user names, so if you rejected them once, you get a second chance to reject them all over again.
  • On all of the sites I found links that didn’t work, windows you had to check but they didn’t drop down for you, and pages that would not come up.
  • On one site I could not choose my state and so I received a dozen interested queries, the closest being from a man 750 miles away.

But I soldiered on and learned some surprising things.

Thank you, Becka! Coming soon — what did Becka learn?

Would you like to join our senior online dating posse and report on your internet dating experiences for the education and entertainment of our readers? Email me.

Note from Joan: I apologize for posting about a particular dating site’s special free weekend offer recently. I don’t know if the site was overloaded or what, but one reader reported that after spending forever filling out the long questionnaire, the site gave an error message. She wasn’t about to start all over again, so she emailed customer service to find out if what she had done was saved so she could continue from there. She got a form email telling her to phone — but no one manned the phones on the weekend, and the free offer would be over by the time the phones opened. She gave up and receives frequent solicitation emails from them now. I deleted my post about the site’s free weekend, so don’t bother looking for it. I’m not naming the site now because I don’t know if this was one person’s freak experience or that’s what happened to many of you — let me know.

Becka, 70, Gets Her First “Matches”

This guest blog is the second from Becka, a member of my online dating posse Enjoy Becka’s online dating report, Part 2: (Read Part 1 here.)

I signed up on and was instantly overwhelmed. I saw nowhere to click for anything free. Loads of ads blared at me, so I left. Free is good. All the other sites I looked at offered choices that were free, and you could upgrade to a paying choice later if you wanted to. It feels like bait and switch when they ask if you want to see a photo, you click on “yes,” and they take you to a page where you are offered a chance to pay for it. Be patient, stand your ground. If you like the facts about someone and decide to communicate, the person him/herself will send you a photo.

I signed up feeling very broad-minded, so I said that I was interested in meeting men ages 40-90 anywhere in the world. I am 70. But I lied about that and subtracted a year because I figure a 6 was more attractive than a 7. So sue me.

But the joke was on me. I was immediately shown six “matches,” ranging in age from 47 to 82. Guess who I found the most interesting? Yup. Age 82, who lived “only” 2,751 miles from me.

Here’s why I rejected the others, although some of you might find them appealing:

  • Mike was a retired doctor who had no interests in anything other than things medical and golf. I hate golf.
  • Robert said the most important thing in his life was his guru, whom he followed “passionately.” Personally, I like a man who thinks for himself, plus I wondered would he have enough passion left over for me?
  • Cal was military all the way and liked his bed made up with precision corners. Me, I like rumpled sheets, lots of pillows and an oversized, wildly colorful bedspread. Definitely not a match!
  • Zeke was into fixing up his trailer.
  • Allen I actually knew and thought he was a sleaze.
  • Harry suddenly appeared – true! — on the nightly news as a government employee who had been arrested for driving drunk. No thank you.

But I’m not discouraged. In fact, I’m about to send a response to Ian. He is retired, lives alone, has no family, is quiet, mild-mannered, unobtrusive and likes to fly. He is either Superman or a terrorist. So we’ll see.

Thank you, Becka, for your entertaining report! Who else wants to contribute your senior online dating experiences? See my invitation here. — Joan