Sean writes from Wisconsin,
I am 26 and have no problem getting dates with women my age. I’m a young professional and have confidence in my abilities with women my age. However, I am incredibly attracted to older women. I don’t want to say anything to friends because it feels abnormal, but I find such beauty in maturity. I work in a professional environment where I am around professional older women all the time. I can’t help but fantasize about them. I’m sure part of it is that my hormones are going crazy, but there really is something more to it. There is something about a woman who is well versed, educated, smart, and mature that drives me wild. Is this wrong? And if it’s not, do older women even take men my age seriously? When I’m talking to someone my age, it’s easy to read and give signs, because it’s commonplace for people in my age group to make a romantic connection – it’s on people’s minds. In conversation with an older woman, that assumption isn’t there. Is there anything you feel will work better for making a signal to an older woman? Are there any phrases (not pick-up lines) that would serve as cues? What should I look for?
Sean, I’m discovering that many young men are attracted to older women for exactly the reasons you say: “something about a women who is well versed, educated, smart, and mature.” Believe me, many women would jump at the chance to get to know you if they knew about you. Some suggestions for approaching an older woman who interests you:
- Converse, listen (very important!), and flirt as you would with a woman of any age. Yes, she’ll recognize the signs. She might be shy about letting you see her signs, in case she fears she’s misreading yours, so keep her talking.
- Don’t rush things along — she wants to know she interests you as a person, not just a potential bed partner.
- Look into her eyes a lot. Really listen and respond to what she’s saying.
- Lean towards her to give the body signal that you’re interested. Watch for these signs from her: eye contact; leaning towards you; arms relaxed (not crossed in front of chest); playing with hair, clothing, or jewelry.
- After a nice, long conversation, where you feel there’s a connection, you might ask her outright: “I wonder if there’s any reason I should not ask you out.”
- If she says, “I’m old enough to be your mother,” you can ask, “I really like the maturity and intelligence of older women. The question is, am I too young to interest you?”
- If you’re really brave, buy one of my books and carry it around. When she asks about the book, say something like, “I find older women very attractive, and I hope this book will help me understand them better — in all ways.”
I wrote about the experiences of Judy, 62, who loved men in their twenties in Older Women, Younger Men last September. Let’s keep talking about this, because I know it is a fantasy of many older women and younger men, and for some, it’s a passionate reality.