Man asks “Do women fantasize during sex?”
Larry, age 70, wrote me that he used to be a swinger, but settled into monogamy because his wife would not have agreed to the swinging lifestyle. He satisfies his desire for variety through fantasy while self-pleasuring.
Larry wonders whether women fantasize while they’re having sex, either with a partner or solo. “Who do they fantasy about (a) old lovers, (b) movie stars or (c) someone that they would just like to have sex with?” Larry asks.
Any women want to respond?
I am 62 and I have had fantasies during sex as long as I can remember. When with a man or solo. When I am with a man I like to think about many men touching me at one time. When I masturbate, I love thinking about being with another woman. I have never been with another woman but, I would like to. I have hard orgasms from these fantasies.
74 years old. Until recently my wife (73), whom I love, has always been reticent about talking dirty and . shows very few signs of lust. for example, she has never initiated love making, waiting for me to make the first moves. She is very loving and after 40 years she has opened up a bit. I have erectile disfunction and cannot have an “penetrative” orgasm. We both are very patient and she enjoys me. I am very attentive to her needs.
She brings me to orgasm manually but is unaware that often I use the fantasy I have of a women I knew (not bedded) as a co-worker years ago. After I retired the illusion of this woman takes hold and I become extremely sensitive to include bondage and BDSM. After long minutes, the more excited I get hard and finally my wife finds it easier to bring me to orgasm.
74 years old. Until recently my wife, whom I love, has been reticent about talking dirty. She has never initiated love making, waiting for me to make the first moves. This past year she (73) has opened up a bit, after 40 plus years of making love. I have ED and cannot have an “penetrative” orgasm. We are very patient and I am very attentive to her needs. She brings me to orgasm manually but she is unaware that often I am helped by the fantasy I have of a women I knew as a co-worker years ago. After I retired the illusion of this woman takes hold to include bondage and BDSM. The more excited I become after long minutes I get hard and my wife finds it easier to bring me off.
I’ll admit, I’m only 25, so I’m the odd ball out, here, but I thought I’d contribute anyway.
I’m non-monogamous and I have been for years now. I’m currently single, but have been in open relationships in the past.
Do I fantasize? Heck yes! I’ve always had a very active erotic imagination, from my earliest awakenings of sexuality. I’m kinky, and one of my main kinks is roleplay, and, really, what is roleplay but fantasies made manifest with a partner? I’ve fantasized about old lovers, I’ve fantasized about movie stars (not that often, though. Mainly Alfred Molina and Greg Grunberg), and I’ve fantasized about men and women I’d like to have sex with. I’ve even fantasized about sex with famous people from the past, or characters in TV shows, books, comics or movies. I fantasize about various sexual scenarios I’d like to be in.
Sometimes my fantasies are very kinky (one might even say sick), and sometimes they’re very “vanilla”, just plain ‘ol fashioned kissing and screwing.
And I see a lot of people here mentioned dirty talk. I do like to talk dirty, but I enjoy it more when my partner talks dirty to me. Sometimes it takes some coaching to get them being comfortable with calling you those names, but usually once they see how much you like it, they start getting into it.
I’m married and also have a lover who I see from time to time. He likes for me to talk dirty to him, but I’m not good at it at all. He teases me about my attempts at this, which I have to agree are pretty funny.
He has this script that he likes for me to run. He’s a good lover and a good person, so I deal with this. But it’s awkward for me. What my lover says he wants to hear sounds silly to me. I sometimes feel like I’m acting in a porno movie.
I also have sex with my husband, who I love very much, and fortunately he doesn’t require dirty talk. There’s only so much multitasking a person can handle. 🙂
I find it hard to talk dirty because it means I have to think about it and sex is more of a feeling thing, not a thinking thing. (Well once you get past remembering that you need to use a condom anyway.) Also what would be sexy sounding to me as a woman might not sound erotic to a man.
I don’t think the English language is a good one for talking sexy. I’m learning Brazilian Portuguese and it’s a much more sexy sounding language. I’ve tried saying things in Portuguese to my lover, but he doesn’t relate.
I thought maybe I could think of things to say when I’m not actually having sex, and then practice saying them so they’d sound more natural. Maybe there’s a book or website somewhere which could give us women ideas about things to say which turn men on?
Dear Anonymous – how does a man get his wife to talk dirty? I talk to her while we are making love. But for some reason she just can’t bring herself to do it to me or for me. And I don’t think that is possible to have sex and talk dirty – and at the very same time fantasize about someone else!!
My old swinger wife (she was by)and I used to fantasize about the same girl (whom we both have made love to). It was really great.
Dear Anonymous – how does a man get his wife to talk dirty? I talk to her while we are making love. But for some reason she just can’t bring herself to do it to me or for me. And I don’t think that it is possible to have sex and talk dirty – and at the very same time fantasize about someone else!!
My old swinger wife (she was by)and I used to fantasize about the same girl (whom we both have made love to). It was really great.
I fantasize about specific men that I’ve invented for my fantasizing pleasure. One in particular is younger (though he has aged as I have, so he’s always about 10 years younger), with curly hair on head and chest that I love touching. He has a lean, strong body like a yoga instructor, and deep blue eyes. Like Linda’s fantasy, he loves pleasing me.
I’ve named him Gabriel. He is a quiet person, which is a good thing, because I probably couldn’t hear him over the buzz of the vibrator!
I don’t usually fantasize when with a partner, to me the whole deal there is about him and our being together. Like, he is the fantasy.
But self pleasuring, which I do all the time, whether there’s a partner in the picture or not, is another story. I have a collection of fantasies that turn me on. They are all too personal to share. I’m with Linda above in saying that I wouldn’t necessarily want to actually do some of these things, but thinking about them is very erotic.
I am 67 and my sexual partner is 43. He is great in bed, but I still don’t have orgasms. In talking with other women, I find this is not uncommon. I am able to have a wonderful orgasm (including great fantasies) while masturbating, but do not do that with him. He talks dirty to me in bed and I do with him. There is no place for fantasies unless we actually share them with one another.
I fantasize during sex about a group of men all wanting to give me pleasure, one after another. In reality, I would not want to do that, but it’s a good fantasy!
Like Larry, I’m in a monogamous relationship and I had many partners in my past. I didn’t find it hard to settle down to one person — in fact, I like it that way. I find fantasies exciting for me and harmless to my relationship.