Man, 41, attracted to women, 60-70+

I hear from men frequently who want to date older women and ask how to find/ attract/ approach the women they desire. I hear from very young men (teens and 20s) who had their first — and wonderful! — sexual experience with a much older woman and want to recapture the joy. I hear from men in their 30s and 40s who are drawn to the wisdom, experience, and beauty in women decades older. For example, TW wrote me recently:

I am a 41-year-old male. I don’t have any problem attracting women around my own age. That is fairly easy for me. But, I do have great difficulties attracting women who are much older than I am.

I am mostly attracted to older women who are in their 60s and 70s. I am not looking for a serious relationship. Just casual dating with someone I can see occasionally with the possibility of intimacy or sex. I don’t where to go to meet older women. I’ve tried some internet dating sites. The women on those sites respond by sending me an email telling me that I am too young or that they have a problem with the age difference.

I welcome anyone’s ideas and suggestions. Especially from men who have had successful experiences with older women. Also, I greatly welcome any suggestions from older women themselves.

Personally, I advise TW to get out and do the social activities he enjoys, where he’ll meet women who enjoy the same activities. That way, it’s easy to strart a conversation with a stranger because you already have something in common to talk about. Someone like TW would meet someone like me, for example, social dancing or at bookstores, coffee shops, gyms, walking trails, and vegetarian restaurants.

Once TW spies a woman who attracts him, I would NOT suggest the “Hey, you’re hot and I love older women, wanna go to my place?” approach. Instead, open the conversation with comments on the activity you’re sharing or ask her for advice, e.g., depending on where you are and what you’re doing,

“You’re a really good dancer — would you dance the next one with me?”
“Have you read any books by this author?”
“Your workout is obviously working for you — you look terrific. Do you recommend the aerobics classes here?”

And so on. You may be hoping to share the sheets with her, but you still need to show her that you appreciate more than her genitals. Remember that her most vital sex organ is her brain.

Readers, I invite you to add your own experiences and tips for TW. If you are a 60+-year-old woman who would delight in a fling with a man 2+ decades younger than you, how would you suggest that someone like TW find someone like you? (I’m not offering to play matchmaker, realize, just wanting to help TW know where to look.) If you’re a man who has had experience dating older women, please share your experiences.

You can post a comment here, or email me and I’ll post it for you. (Try to ride the thin line, please, between candor, which my readers like, and graphic details/street language, which they do not!)


  1. Autumn girl on August 28, 2017 at 2:37 am

    Why did you break up? Did either ( or both) of you become emotionally or romantically attached? Did you hide the relationship?

  2. Michael age 45 on June 12, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    About 5 years ago I had a relationship with an older woman. I was 40 and she was 61. I met her online as a buddy and we chatted for months. She suggested we meet and I was very hesitant, but a friend advised me to go and wow did I enjoy it.

    I'd never before been with an older woman but the sex was wonderful and like nothing I had ever had before. I loved her maturity and found her intensely sensual and very exciting to be with. We are still friends but not lovers and I thank her to this day for having changed my thinking.

  3. Anonymous on June 5, 2009 at 8:41 am

    How refreshing to hear a man who doesn't prefer the beauty in women just past puberty. Maybe I am jaded because lately I've been reading a number of books and short stories whose older male protagonists fall for very young women (Rushdie, Marquez, to name a couple) and while I respect an author's right to explore different characters and motivations, I somehow come away feeling that these male authors are indulging in a wierd form of fantasy for themselves.

    I would be happier if they contributed equal energy to plots involving men who obsess over older women, but they don't. I wonder if this is because they are conditioned by *other* media to fantasize over the young, or if men are in fact mindless slaves to the evolution and can't help being programmed to seek out youthful mates. TW restores my faith that the latter is the case and that some men can, in fact, think for themselves beyond the marketed aesthetic of youth.

    This is an important and eye-opening site; keep up the great work.

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