Posts by Joan Price
Andy, 44, turned on by women 60+
I often hear from younger men who tell me they desire older women.
Sometimes their emails are short and consist of abbreviations (hey, guys, emails to me shouldn’t read like a tweet!), which makes me wonder how they would handle a slow-burning, older woman.
Occasionally they invite me to share a romp–or, in one case, a shower. Sorry, fellows, I’m flattered, but I need to get to know (and like) a man first.
Usually, though, they’re the kind of reader emails that I love: respectful and earnestly trying to gain useful information or share a story. For example, I recently heard from Andy, age 44, a British man who gave me permission to share what he wrote me:
I am exactly the type of man you so often write about. When I was just 15, I would look at my mother’s friends and fantasize. Later on at night I would lie in bed and imagine making love to them. I would conjure up scenarios in my mind and imagine the spontaneity and excitement of it all.
As I get older, I find myself wanting women of 60-plus. My mates think I’m strange, weird – some even think I’m sick. But what turns me on is not so much their physical appearance but that they are so turned on themselves during the course of our love making.
I would far rather make love to a highly excited 60-year-old woman than a drop-dead gorgeous figure of 22 years who acts like a mannequin.
Right now, I am finding myself flirting with an older woman yet again. She is 70 and clearly very sexually frustrated. She flirts with me and has said in no uncertain terms if she was 30 years younger she would be “hitting on me real hard.” Wow – I got so turned on when she said that. I think something might happen soon.
I suggest he tell her, “You don’t need to be 30 years younger — you’re perfect the way you are!”
Anything you’d like to say to Andy?
For more posts about younger men/older women, click here.
Big Sex Little Death by Susie Bright: book review
Sex. Drugs. Rock and roll. If that were the whole story of Big Sex Little Death
But this brilliant memoir is much more, revealing Susie’s own childhood abuse and her commitment to social and political activism as a high school drop-out, the underbelly of the cultural/ sexual/ political movement, the heady thrill of working to make a difference in the world, and the bewilderment of being betrayed by the people she least expected to betray her.
I knew Susie Bright as a sexuality writer, but until this book from Seal Press, I had no idea how smart and deep she was. She’s the historian that the sixties need — a clear-eyed view of protesters, activists (many emotionally damaged), and those who went along for the ride.
Yes, there’s plenty of sex, too, but for much of the book, it’s body parts that go bump, devoid of passion, emotional connection, or even pleasure. That’s part of the sixties political and sexual “revolution” that we’re embarrassed to admit now: women were expected to have sex freely but we weren’t supposed to expect our partners to have any clue about satisfying us. Still, part of Susie’s fantasy was true, at least some of the time:
Women wouldn’t be catty. No one would bother to be jealous. Who would have the time? Sex would be friendly and kind and fun. You’d get to see what everyone was like in bed. You’d learn things in bed… Exclusivity would be for bores and babies.
Susie doesn’t glamorize the sexual/feminist revolution or gloss over the deep disillusions when women fought each other (she got death threats for her pro-pornography stance), betrayed each other, and, through it all, loved each other.
For me, the most interesting part of Big Sex Little Death was the story behind On Our Backs, the lesbian magazine that Susie co-founded. Before On Our Backs, female models, from fashion ads to male magazine centerfolds, “were shot the same way kittens and puppies are photographed for holiday calendars: in fetching poses, with no intentions of their own.” In contrast, “The great relief of dyke porn,” writes Susie, “was that all that went out the window. We had an objective on our minds… we had a sexual story to tell.”
I hope these snippets encourage you to read Big Sex Little Death for yourself — it’s an engrossing read, and guaranteed to be more than you expect.
FYI, my favorite line from the book: “My dominatrix friend Tina once told me, ‘I’m not spanking Republicans anymore. I’ve had it.'”
Have you read Big Sex Little Death? I invite you to comment!
Senior Sex Activism: a Love Letter to My Readers
Welcome to Better Than I Ever Expected!
My book, Better Then I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty (Seal Press), will be out in January 2006. Please see here for a description of this sassy, sexy book combining my personal story with tips and tales from lusty, sexually seasoned women.
We’re proving that our society’s view of older women as sexless is wrong, wrong, wrong.
I’d like to invite you –whether or not you’re a woman over sixty — to participate in discussions of ageless sexuality. Please choose a first name of your choice and your age to identify yourself, and feel free to post comments and questions regarding this hot and important topic.
To start you out, what makes sex after sixty better than you ever expected, personally?
I’d like your candid views, and I hope you’ll express them respectfully so that all women will feel welcome to read and post, and won’t feel they’ve wandered into a sleazy place. Thank you, and welcome to our community!
Joan Price
In the past 5.5 years, so much has happened, personally and professionally. Better Than I Ever Expected and I received much media attention –we still do! — and I found myself the spokesperson for senior sex. What had started as a mission to normalize the idea of people over 60 enjoying sex and daring to talk out loud about it became a huge groundswell. I thank you for the part you played in this movement.
Thank you for making this blog a center of that movement by reading and commenting, showing other readers that we have a community of seniors and elders — men as well as women now! — discussing sex openly and respectfully in a manner that’s welcoming even to people who are not used to discussing their sex lives.
Because of you, one book led to the next one: Men said to me, “What about us?” and both men and women said, “Great that you’re celebrating senior sex, but I’m having a lousy sex life and here’s my problem….” I realized that my next book needed to be aimed at both genders, and needed to address the problems and offer solutions. It also needed to include your stories, because we’ve never shared our stories in public before.
Our youth-oriented society may still be saying “Ick!” to the idea of people our age getting naked, loving the pleasures our bodies can give us, loving each other (wrinkles and all!) and finding ways to stay sexually vibrant whether we’re partnered or not — but society can’t pretend it isn’t happening!
Thank you for that. I’m honored that you’ve chosen to join me in talking out loud about senior sex!
Warmly,
Joan Price
As always, I invite your comments!
“Promise me you’ll keep doing your work…”
“Promise me you’ll keep doing your work,” Robert said, taking both my hands in his and pressing them to his heart, looking deeply into my eyes.
It was three years ago — end of March 2008 — and we had learned that his body was succumbing to multiple myeloma. There were treatments we could and would try, but this conversation marked the countdown to the end, as I think back on it.
He would have one more month of health — fatigued, but able to live the way he loved — going to his art studio to paint, dancing joyfully, and loving me as if his life depended on it (and maybe it did). Then, as treatments failed, his back fractured in multiple places. The extreme pain led him into another world — a world where love was not enough to heal or even ease the physical, emotional, and spiritual pain.
“Promise me you’ll keep doing your work…”
Our profound sexual connection had powered our relationship for our seven, soul-soaring years together. Neither of us had ever had a relationship as sexually exuberant or as emotionally satisfying! Professionally, our spicy hot afternoon delights propelled me to switch writing topics from health and fitness to senior sex. Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty
We already knew that our love wasn’t “forever” the way young people think of it. Besides being seniors, we had the challenge of Robert’s diagnosis — at that point — of leukemia and lymphoma. Our wedding celebrated not only our love, but that six months of chemotherapy had sent Robert’s cancer into remission. We were told we might have ten or more good years of health, a magical gift.
But we didn’t have ten years — we had two.
“Promise me you’ll keep doing your work…”
March 2011: Two countdowns shift in my mind. In August, I’ll face the 3-year anniversary of Robert’s death. (When does it get easier?) But before that, in June, I’ll welcome a new book into the world — Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex — the book I started working on with Robert. In fact, you’ll see that he wrote part of the chapter, “Unlearning Our Upbringing: Men’s Stories.”
I think at our age, those of us who dare to live and love fully have this balancing act between the sweet surprises and rewards of living our dreams out loud and the inevitable losses. Robert gave me the right advice: “Promise me you’ll keep doing your work.” It sustains me and brings me great joy — as does sharing it with you!
