My first post was read by 30 people. Ouch, my first two months of posts averaged 22 readers each. It was a lonely endeavor.
But I stuck with it, learned what you wanted to read about and how to reach you, and, thank you, you started following this blog to get news and views about older-age sexuality. Now it’s not rare that a post gets thousands of readers, occasionally 10,000 to 40,000. These days, you come here most often to read my sex toy reviews and to find information about concerns such as erectile problems, vaginal pain and how to enhance sexual pleasure.
I’m amused that the most-read post (48,000 readers) was titled “Looking for ‘Granny Sex’?” — when the whole point of that 2007 post was asking why so many people used “granny sex” as the search term that led them to my blog! Now that there’s so much “granny porn” advertised, searchers of “granny sex” no longer land on my blog. I suppose that’s a good thing.
Over the ten years since starting this blog, I’ve written two more senior sex self-help guides and edited an anthology of senior erotica. Learn more here.
I no longer feel like a solitary voice. Other writers, speakers, and organizations have joined me in spreading the word that older-age sexuality can be a source of lifelong pleasure. We’re now a movement.
Thank you all for following this blog and continuing to support my mission. Do you remember how you first found this blog, what you were hoping to find, or what captured your interest? I’d love to know. Please comment.
My book, Better Then I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty (Seal Press), will be out in January 2006. Please see here for a description of this sassy, sexy book combining my personal story with tips and tales from lusty, sexually seasoned women.
We’re proving that our society’s view of older women as sexless is wrong, wrong, wrong.
I’d like to invite you –whether or not you’re a woman over sixty — to participate in discussions of ageless sexuality. Please choose a first name of your choice and your age to identify yourself, and feel free to post comments and questions regarding this hot and important topic.
To start you out, what makes sex after sixty better than you ever expected, personally?
I’d like your candid views, and I hope you’ll express them respectfully so that all women will feel welcome to read and post, and won’t feel they’ve wandered into a sleazy place. Thank you, and welcome to our community!
In the past 5.5 years, so much has happened, personally and professionally. Better Than I Ever Expected and I received much media attention –we still do! — and I found myself the spokesperson for senior sex. What had started as a mission to normalize the idea of people over 60 enjoying sex and daring to talk out loud about it became a huge groundswell. I thank you for the part you played in this movement.
Thank you for making this blog a center of that movement by reading and commenting, showing other readers that we have a community of seniors and elders — men as well as women now! — discussing sex openly and respectfully in a manner that’s welcoming even to people who are not used to discussing their sex lives.
Because of you, one book led to the next one: Men said to me, “What about us?” and both men and women said, “Great that you’re celebrating senior sex, but I’m having a lousy sex life and here’s my problem….” I realized that my next book needed to be aimed at both genders, and needed to address the problems and offer solutions. It also needed to include your stories, because we’ve never shared our stories in public before.
Our youth-oriented society may still be saying “Ick!” to the idea of people our age getting naked, loving the pleasures our bodies can give us, loving each other (wrinkles and all!) and finding ways to stay sexually vibrant whether we’re partnered or not — but society can’t pretend it isn’t happening!
Thank you for that. I’m honored that you’ve chosen to join me in talking out loud about senior sex!
As always, I invite your comments!
Joan, I think that a space that addresses senior sex is great. However, what I see are a number of posts that talk about sex toys and online dating sites and some blogs, but not, you know, actual sex. And I understand your loss, but also get the impression that you are not actually having sex, at least not with another person. Maybe I’m wrong and I didn’t go back far enough in your blog, but I think it begs the question of how much credibility you have in the area.
When I got this comment from reader Scott on my post about my Top Sex Bloggers award, I laughed and gave him a light-hearted response. Some of my readers urged me to answer him with more explanation of what I’m doing and why.
not, you know, actual sex
“Actual sex”? First, I’d like to get us away from the idea that “actual sex” means intercourse. “Actual sex,” in my view, especially as I write for and learn from other seniors and elders, means sexual expression in whatever form that takes. For example:
Many of my readers are single now, through widowhood, divorce, break-up, or choice, and are having sex solo. One of my missions is to help these readers understand how sex toys can enhance this experience and may even mean the difference between achieving that elusive orgasm or not. Hence all the sex toy reviews.
Many of my readers are dating or ready to date and know that options have changed and the “rules” upturned since they last dated, which might have been 40 years ago! I want to encourage, educate, and, I hope, entertain readers about DWO: Dating While Old(er).
Many of my readers are coupled, but their sex lives have been altered by age, illness, medications, and myriad emotions that interfere with sexual experience and/or satisfaction. I want to offer resources to enourage readers to express their sexuality and keep their intimacy strong, even when life throws out obstacles.
Many of my readers are still having great sex at age 60, 70, 80+, and I want to share their stories — and advice — here and in my books.
I use this blog for all of the above, plus answering reader questions, reviewing books, and showcasing experts in the growing field of sex and aging.
To answer Scott’s last concern directly, no, I am not having sex with another person at this time of my life. Okay, it’s out there.
However, even when my beloved Robert was alive and vital and we were having amazing sex, my blog wasn’t about recounting our sexual intimacies for the voyeuristic enjoyment of my readers. Plenty of other blogs do that — many of them are on the top 100 list with me. My blog is educational, not erotic. I consider myself an advocate for ageless sexuality and a sex educator in that new arena. Credibility? I’ve got it.
I hope this answers Scott and others who might have those questions, also. Readers, I hope you’ll comment!