A year ago, I knew I wasn’t ready to date yet (see grief posts), but I wanted to start getting social and meet new people. I was planning a week in New York City for a conference, so I decided to explore finding a few dates for my time there.
I joined OK Cupid and perused the NYC options. I emailed several.
Most weren’t interested in meeting with someone from across the country who wouldn’t be a relationship possibility, but a couple were intrigued. I ended up meeting one man for a gym workout and a walk. (Tthat’s my kind of date!) There were no sparks between us, but it was pleasant.
What I really want to tell you about is the date I did NOT have. I’ll call him Mr. Evasive.
Mr. Evasive’s profile was appealing and we had plenty in common — both writers, dancers, teachers, readers, exercisers. We had a jaunty exchange of emails, and finally agreed to meet during my trip. But he never gave me his real name (just his handle) or his phone number. Whoops. I kept asking.
Finally, I’m in NY and he’s emailing me plans for our meeting. I replied that he still hadn’t told me his full, real name, and that was a prerequisite for meeting.
He admitted that his profile was not completely honest. He shrouded anything identifiable because he needed privacy — he was “sort of famous” in his profession. He suggested that we meet in at Grand Central Station and he would produce ID and let me phone his workplace for confirmation. But only after we meet in person.
Here are excepts from his long response:
- I am older than my stated age.
- I’m better looking and better educated than I present myself, and younger in ways that matter.
- I am on a site that any felon can get on with any gender age or whatever, looking for ID’s to steal.
- What you write includes fun, instructive, examples of stories from real people. I do Not want to be one, OK?
My response? Exactly what you’d expect:
No, it’s not okay that you won’t give me your name until we meet (that’s completely against my personal requirements for dating, even for dating once). No, it’s not okay that you tell me you’ve posted lies but I should believe you. And I’m a professional writer who writes personal experience, so I don’t agree not to write about you if we meet. I think it’s best not to meet after all.
Now I’m planning another trip to NY in July — should I try again?