Personal View of Prostate Surgery and Sex
Neil, age 74, offers this startling information about sex after prostate cancer surgery. I’m grateful to Neil for his willingness to share his personal story:
A diagnosis of cancer is very frightening. For me the journey was scary enough without the myths and misinformation I was told about cancer of the prostate. I share my experience in the hope that this information will be of help to others.
Myth # 1: “After Age 55, Sex Doesn’t Matter That Much Anyway.”
I heard these words from a physician who specializes in the treatment of prostate cancer. A very nice person, considered extremely competent, he believed his words would be comforting. They weren’t!Sex does matter after 55. I promised the doctor that I would look him up on his 55th birthday and tell him to “cut that out.” He sheepishly smiled and said, “Oh my. I think I said something wrong.”
Myth # 2: “What You Have At The End Of A Year Is What You Get.”
Although many men are told that any rehab after prostate cancer treatment will peak in twelve months, every case is different. Some methods of prostate cancer treatment can result in serious damage to sexual performance. On the other hand, robotic surgery and nerve sparing have greatly improved sexual potential. Whatever the case, don’t give up! There are options for almost every case of sexual impairment.But I must warn about some of the product advertisements that flood the market about penile enhancement, instant erections, and so on. Some of these products can be harmful to a cancer survivor. Some are loaded with testosterone which can cause further growth of prostate cancer. Check with your physician before trying any of these medications.
At all times, keep your partner involved in the options you’re considering. They can be our most precious friends and supporters. They deserve to be part of the solution to our new life experiences.
What We Are Often Not Told:
The penis will be about an inch shorter after surgery. Because the urethra passes through the prostate, when the prostate is removed, that portion of the urethra is removed as well. Then, when the urethra is resectioned, the penis is drawn in towards the abdomen. Secure circumcised males seem able weather this storm but uncircumcised males have an additional problem. The surgery leaves more foreskin than before. This additional tissue traps urine and produces odor. Baby Wipes do a very fine job of solving this problem. They are easy to carry and save a lot of embarrassment.
The “Missionary” position usually is no longer successful after prostate surgery. Because the prostate stabilizes the penis and prevents it from receding into the abdominal cavity, removal of the prostate decreases penile stability. The angle of the vagina, coupled with a shortened penis with no internal stability means vaginal intercourse may not work. However, “Doggie Style” and “Woman on Top” work just fine.
I welcome feedback about the experience of others regarding sex and prostate surgery!
9/22/2009: Neil added these comments about how his urologist saved his life.
Becka, 70, Gets Her First “Matches”
This guest blog is the second from Becka, a member of my online dating posse Enjoy Becka’s online dating report, Part 2: (Read Part 1 here.)
I signed up on Match.com and was instantly overwhelmed. I saw nowhere to click for anything free. Loads of ads blared at me, so I left. Free is good. All the other sites I looked at offered choices that were free, and you could upgrade to a paying choice later if you wanted to. It feels like bait and switch when they ask if you want to see a photo, you click on “yes,” and they take you to a page where you are offered a chance to pay for it. Be patient, stand your ground. If you like the facts about someone and decide to communicate, the person him/herself will send you a photo.
I signed up feeling very broad-minded, so I said that I was interested in meeting men ages 40-90 anywhere in the world. I am 70. But I lied about that and subtracted a year because I figure a 6 was more attractive than a 7. So sue me.
But the joke was on me. I was immediately shown six “matches,” ranging in age from 47 to 82. Guess who I found the most interesting? Yup. Age 82, who lived “only” 2,751 miles from me.
Here’s why I rejected the others, although some of you might find them appealing:
- Mike was a retired doctor who had no interests in anything other than things medical and golf. I hate golf.
- Robert said the most important thing in his life was his guru, whom he followed “passionately.” Personally, I like a man who thinks for himself, plus I wondered would he have enough passion left over for me?
- Cal was military all the way and liked his bed made up with precision corners. Me, I like rumpled sheets, lots of pillows and an oversized, wildly colorful bedspread. Definitely not a match!
- Zeke was into fixing up his trailer.
- Allen I actually knew and thought he was a sleaze.
- Harry suddenly appeared – true! — on the nightly news as a government employee who had been arrested for driving drunk. No thank you.
But I’m not discouraged. In fact, I’m about to send a response to Ian. He is retired, lives alone, has no family, is quiet, mild-mannered, unobtrusive and likes to fly. He is either Superman or a terrorist. So we’ll see.
Thank you, Becka, for your entertaining report! Who else wants to contribute your senior online dating experiences? See my invitation here. — Joan
Wading into the Senior Internet Dating Pool from Becka, senior online dating reporter
This guest blog is from Becka, the first reporter in my online dating posse to check in. Enjoy Becka’s first report:
WADING INTO THE SENIOR INTERNET DATING POOL
Here you are, deciding to sign up on a senior internet dating site. These tips based on my experience should minimize the pain and maximize the delight.
1. Find the courage. I sat and thought about doing this for a year before I took the plunge. One of my best friends was my motivator. She died. I asked myself, “What am I waiting for?”
2. Ask yourself what you are looking for: a soulmate? a lover? a friend? Do you want face to face contact or just an internet pal?
3. Choose your site carefully. Some sites have more class than others. For example, eharmony.com has a lengthy questionnaire that is interesting and fun to fill out. SeniorFriendFinder.com has only the barest essentials. You can guess for yourself which one is most likely to end up being a dating hit-and-run experience.
3. Lie. It can’t be helped. You fudge, you shave the truth, you fib. So does everyone else. Remember that! They ask you your body type. Will you select “Hot” or the all-purpose “Average”? You may think your body is hot, but, honey, have you forgotten or are just ignoring the hysterectomy scars, or the extra fat you carefully hide in your trousers, left over from a huge pride-producing weight loss? This is why you lie: there are too many things that are just too personal and intimate to put right out there on a website for the world to see. If you have no problem doing that, however, maybe you need boundary counseling. [note from Joan: I must need boundary counseling — I always tell the truth!]
4. Pick the right name. Guys, please don’t put “bo” after your name, as in Jackbo or Bobbo. If you are over 60 do not put “boy” in your name, as in boy556. That ship has long sailed. I did not respond to the inquiry from “boy123,” age 71 — I figured his perspective was dangerously skewed. Women, watch out for the sneaky names, like “Rob069” or “ilktofku” (this actually got by the censors). Shun cutesy names like “cuteypie” or “cuddlecakes” — do you really want to be defined by food? Pick a name that has some meaning for you, a name that you would feel proud of should the best person you’ve ever known read it.
5. Check your spelling! Otherwise you look stupid and you will get the responses you deserve.
NEXT POST: Becka signs up and gets matches — sort of.
X: The Erotic Treasury: 40 sexy stories
I took a month to read and savor X: The Erotic Treasury edited by Susie Bright, rationing myself just one or two of the 40 stories a day so I could think about them. This anthology is unusual for several reasons:
1. It’s a beautiful gift book, its cover decorated in a deep, shiny, rich, red pattern that looks almost like brocade, inserted into a fancy, equally decorative, cardboard holder with an “X” cut out.
2. The stories are really well-written. Most erotica just plops the reader into a sex scene, but most of these stories actually have plot development and character nuance.
3. This anthology runs the gamut of sexual preferences and turn-ons. Whether or not a particular story or sex act turns you on personally, it’s a rich collection of what rings people’s chimes.
My sexual tastes are admittedly tame compared to most of the characters in these stories. I don’t personally fantasize about being raped, dominated, gang-banged, or forced to go to the office in a tight corset with painful studs. But even the stories that didn’t turn me on personally were intriguing. I got to see an edgy side of people’s sex urges that I found fascinating. For example, I’ve never had the urge to be penetrated by a shoe (“and then it was inside of me, that perfect leather-covered heel”) or to invite five strangers to come on my face, but I won’t forget these stories anytime soon.
In case you’re wondering, you won’t find characters our age in these stories — most are of the instantly aroused, sopping-wet-panties generation. Bill Noble’s male character in the intricately plotted “Salt” has a gray ponytail, hurray.
Notable is the frequent use of condoms in these stories — hurray again. I’ve often thought that condom use would become more accepted if it was seen as part of erotic foreplay, and these stories play up that angle.
X: The Erotic Treasury is available in hardcover and Kindle edition. Although the hardcover is expensive, it’s a beautiful, spicy gift for your lover or yourself.