Man, 300 pounds: Should I purchase a penis extender?
Mason, age 67, is 6 feet tall and weighs 300 pounds. His new wife is 4 ft.9 inches tall and weighs only 101 pounds. “I think you can picture the problem,” Mason writes.
I have a LOT of belly fat all the way down to my penis area. When I was young I had about a 6 inch penis and weighed 200 and was able to please my wife in many ways. I have about 3 inches that is not covered by fat now but my belly keeps it from protruding long enough without hurting my wife.
When I make love I cannot be on top as I press too hard on her as well as the fat makes penetration not good at all. When she is on top, because of my fat she is having to hold on to my arms and it is like she is almost upside down trying to have sex.
She is a wonderful woman and does not complain but I know she is not enjoying sex the way she should and wants. She does have a climax but it is hard on her.
What I have in mind is purchasing a 3 inch penis extender that looks like a real penis and adding that to my penis to at least give me more length so I can penetrate without having to be on top of her.
Are you familiar with these extenders and do they work? Would they be hard to put on and will they stay on with the excitement of sex? I do not mind spending $40.00 for such a thing but do not wish to throw money away if they do not work.
Mason, have you asked your wife about this? Is this something she thinks she would enjoy? I don’t suggest surprising her with a penis extender without discussing it with her. How about trying these options first:
1. Bring her to orgasm manually or orally, with or without the assistance of a vibrator, before you have intercourse. Then intercourse can be of shorter duration and not so taxing on her.
2. If she likes penetration but has difficulty with intercourse, incorporate a dildo into your love play before or instead of intercourse.
3. Have her try being on top facing backwards during intercourse, her hands braced on your legs. Try elevating your hips, making your belly fat will fall away from her. (Set up mirrors if you like to watch each other’s faces.)
4. Consult your physician about what you can do to manage your weight. I’m not saying you could get back to your youthful weight of 200 pounds, but wouldn’t it enhance your sex life as well as your health if you could shed, say, 50 pounds?
5. Most important, ask your wife what would make her happy. Show her these suggestions and a picture of the penis extender you’re considering, if you think this would appeal to her. Have a loving discussion.
I hope these suggestions help. Would you let me know? I wish you and your wife much joy together.
— Joan
Sex in Nursing Homes — why not?
“Why is it so hard to remain sexually active in a nursing home?” Ira Rosofsky, psychologist in long-term care facilities, asks in “Sex Bans in Nursing Homes” in the Los Angeles Times, August 19, 2009. Rosofsky is the author of Nasty, Brutish, and Long: Adventures in Old Age and the World of Eldercare.
“Where is the law that says you check your rights and liberties at the nursing home door?” Rosfsky asks, then answers, “There is none that I know of. In fact, the law says you retain the right to a sex life wherever you reside.”
Oh? It’s not that the law or facility guidelines mention sex, but nursing home residents are guaranteed the right to “maintain [their] highest practicable physical, mental and psychosocial well-being,” as well as “the right to privacy and the accommodation of personal needs,” according to Rosofsky.
Then why aren’t nursing home residents permitted enough privacy for self-pleasuring or coupling if they choose? Why can’t they enjoy sex — even solo sex — without an aide or custodian walking in? Why can’t they cuddle each other to sleep instead of taking a sedative? Why do few nursing homes have private spaces that residents can use, undisturbed by roommates or staff?
I participated in a panel discussion about senior sex in San Francisco a while back. One of the panelists, administrator of a forward-thinking nursing home, discussed frequent problems of the residents’ family objecting to Grandma having sex with someone other than Grandpa (even if Grandpa is deceased). Then there’s the issue of whether Grandma can indeed give consent if she has Alzheimer’s. How does the nursing home know whether she is making an independent decision about whether to have sex with someone who is interested in having sex with her, even pursuing her?
These are issues to be examined carefully, permitting the resident utmost dignity, respect, safety, and independence.
One nursing home that stands out in this arena is the Hebrew Home at Riverdale in New York which has a Sexual Expression Policy “to recognize and protect the sexual rights of nursing home residents, while distinguishing between intimacy and sexually inappropriate behaviors.”
Your comments?
Doug, 80: “8 penises on his hands”
Doug, a reader from the Philippines, wrote a comment that was so interesting and helpful that I’m excerpting it here so you won’t miss what he said. Doug wrote,
I am 80 years young and have had ED (erectile dysfunction) all of my life. It has taken me a whole lifetime to come to the point of seeing sex but the tip of the relational iceberg.
Yes, I also know that we men are our penises and our penises are the man. This is a mental hang-up that we need to change.
Doug addresses a reader in an earlier post who wrote that her husband can no longer have erections and has given up on sex and communication. Doug says to this reader,
Until your husband can change the way that he sees his masculinity, he’ll never really feel good about himself. He has eight penises on his hands and the best penis in his mouth. And that up close and personal penis can and does give my wife wonderful, body-shaking orgasms, one right after the other, that most penile intercourse cannot come close.
And best of all, my ego isn’t lying on the ground of mental failure. It works for me and it can work for your hubby.
Doug, you’ve been most helpful to our readers here, and I thank you for sharing your perspective. Would you please contact me personally so I can invite you to be in my next book?
Man writes, “Did I get dumped–or what?” She’s recently widowed.
A male reader, I’ll call him Mark, writes that he recently reconnected with his high school sweetheart from 35 years ago, whose husband had died less than a year ago. Mark and his former sweetheart met again, enjoyed each other’s company (no sex), then later spent a week together and made love joyfully.
Their last day together, she became distant and uncommunicative, and when he returned home, she retreated from the usual phone and email messages they had exchanged regularly before that. She emailed him only once, saying she was having a hard time and was depressed with grief for her husband. She felt strong chemistry with Mark, but wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship that Mark seemed to want. She needs to deal with her issues and doesn’t want to talk to him right now. She hopes he’ll understand.
Mark loves her and is confused. “Did I get dumped — or what?” he asked me.
I don’t know either of them, but I have strong feelings that I do know what’s going on with her because I know the emotional turmoil of grieving and yet wanting to grab onto life. Let me share my experience, hoping that it will help Mark and others in this situation:
For the first six months or so after Robert died, I couldn’t imagine ever wanting a relationship again. After all, I had been honored with seven years of the most profound love with my soul mate — no new man could compare, and why would I want second best after experiencing “best”?
Then the life within me started stirring, then surging. How strange and wonderful that the life force is as strong as it is! I started to feel my sensuality gently knocking on my emotional door, asking to be let in (or maybe let out). I was bewildered and excited by my attraction to a casual friend who was becoming a close confidant.
Fortunately this friend is as committed to honest communication as I am, and was open about discussing my feelings and his own. We both understood that I was heavily into my grieving process still, and it wasn’t the right time to make any decisions or take any actions that I might regret later.
We’re all different in the “right” way to grieve. Not taking our relationship to the next level was the right path for me, and I am grateful to my friend for understanding (even better than I did) that pushing our friendship into something more had potential to hurt, even destroy, the friendship.
I probably would have reacted the way Mark’s lover did — throwing herself into sex and joy and the feelings of coming back to life after an emotional death, but then realizing she was not done grieving and in fact was now having a harder time because she had let herself get involved with someone else too soon.
Mark tells me, “I don’t want to lose this special person in my life.”
So here’s my advice to Mark:
Let her know that you do understand, and that grief is a powerful process with its own timeline that can’t be shortened. Tell her that you want to be in her life in whatever way is possible for her right now, and if that means going back to being non-sexual friends, of course you’ll do that. You do need to understand what she needs and wants from you, even if that changes hourly (grief mood swings are powerful and unpredictable). If she regrets getting sexual with you, could she please tell you so you understand better?
And then let her be. If it’s right, she’ll be back when she’s ready. If it’s not, I hope she can tell you so you can move on.
I hope this is helpful, Mark. Thank you for sharing it with me and with my readers here.