Many assume that erotic writers are young people who write about young characters, but more and more people over 60 are discovering the joy of erotic writing and “old age sex”.
Why? When we write sexy stories, we recapture peak moments in our lives. We can conjure all kinds of sensory details that make the story vivid. Or we can imagine an encounter we never had and bring it to life as a fictional story. We realize our desires in a safe space. Anything is possible on the page!
Erotic writing reminds us that we are sexy at every age. As we play with words, we push back on social assumptions about older people and sex. The very act of creating a story is sexy.
Reading erotica created by others our age is also fun, and a great inspiration. Some examples I love:
- Dorothy Freed published her sexual memoir, Perfect Strangers, at age 75.
- Joan Price edited a collection called Ageless Erotica, featuring writers Dorothy’s age and older.
- Free Fall by Rae Padilla Francoeur is a fabulously well written erotic memoir with an older heroine.
You’ll find more examples on my website, www.stellafosse.com. These books are enjoyable, and you can even use favorite sentences from their stories as writing prompts for yours.
If you experiment with erotic writing — and please do! — it is important to keep a playful and relaxed attitude about what you write. Even for longtime authors, first drafts are just a place to try things out. So pat yourself on the back for being brave, and write without judging.
Now let’s give it a try!
Recall an especially sexy experience in your life. It could have happened yesterday or twenty years ago. Remember it with all your senses:
- What was the other person’s aroma?
- How did it feel to touch them and for them to touch you?
- What did you say to one another, and what other sounds did you make?
- What did you especially love about the other person’s appearance?
- What about the circumstances: What was going on in your lives that made this moment memorable?
On your first writing day, take just ten minutes and begin to write what you remember. If some aspect of the experience eludes you, feel free to make it up as you go.
The next day, write for ten more minutes about that experience. If you keep writing for ten minutes each day, soon you will have a complete draft of an erotic story that you can look back upon and savor.
I hope you will try writing erotica, and that it brings you much joy.
– Stella Fosse is an erotica writer, the author of Aphrodite’s Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica after Midlife, and a late bloomer whose erotic life blossomed in her late 50s. Access a free story writing course from Stella here.
6/22/17 update. I was just telling a friend about this hilarious review and decided to bring it to your attention, too. This post is from March 2013. Yes, Ageless Erotica is still available, from either my website (autographed!) or Amazon. The book and I are 4 years older now; otherwise nothing has changed! — Joan
If you want a glimpse into the erotic imaginations of sex writers who’ve been around the block a few times, pick up a copy of Ageless Erotica, a new collection of sex writing by, for, and about seniors.
Joan Price, 69, is on a mission to “talk out loud about senior sex.” She gives lectures. She holds workshops. And she writes books. Better than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty was followed by Naked At Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. And now there’s Ageless Erotica, described as a “steamy assortment of erotic stories and memoir essays written for a mature audience.”
The book collects tales of seniors from all walks of life, gay and straight, vanilla and kinky, taking their clothes off and having a good time. I’ve never found erotica a turn-on, but I still got a kick out of reading it. I even learned a few things. (Masturbation clubs for women? Who knew?)
The stories in Ageless Erotica are a fascinating mix of the sensual, the medical and the humorous. The writing itself is all over the place. Laughingly abysmal. Unabashedly smutty. And, often, oddly moving.
Here’s a sampling of my favorite lines:
“My yoni was a ravenous hollow.”
“In a flash, he was butt-naked except for his socks.”
“I came in places I didn’t know I had.”
“My first blue cock. Would anything else on earth ever feel so good?”
“I played his instrument with my mouth as if it were a flute.”
“You are amazingly well constructed,” he said. “There’s evidence of too much sun on exposed areas, leaving a coarseness to the skin, but,” he added, stroking my ass, “the hidden parts are the silkiest I’ve ever felt.”
“Lifting her breasts away from her chest, he kissed his way down, until he found her sparse, gray pubic hair.”
“A lifetime of hard work let me afford trendy cashmere sweaters.”
“You have such beautiful, manly nipples, sweetheart.”
“I skipped teasing him with the knitted glove and went straight to the surgical one — in my actual size.”
“Filthy incoherence is always a positive sign at that point in our lovemaking.”
“He wants me naked when I fling the front door open.”
“It’s my boyish charm, as I’m told, that hangs around, unlike my hair.”
“I’ve included the inevitable butt plug.”
“A heavy date requires a slow day beforehand and a preparatory nap.”
“Off to the bedroom?” I asked with a wink.
“I clutch the sheets and yell, ‘Fuck, oh fuck, yes, yes, yes, do me, oh do me, thank you Sir, oh fuck, fuck, yes, yes, yes!’”
“We were naked before we even washed our vibrators.”
“I couldn’t remember if I had shaved the gray hairs from my lollipop just in case it was going to get licked.”
“Barry took my legs and spread them like a wishbone.”
“Tom Maynard, you’re as hard as a prize salami!”
“You can thank my hormone supplements. They do wonders for this kind of thing.”
“His first question when we met was, ‘Do you know how to gut a deer?’”
“He says, ‘I’m prepared,’ code for the Levitra pill he took a half hour ago.”
“My heart resumed a normal rhythm, all fears of another infarction vanished.”
“His tongue slid around my clit, which I’ve named Ethel, and over it, and too soon, I flooded with warmth.”
Intrigued? You can find Ageless Erotica at your local indy bookstore.
If it’s not in stock, just give the salesperson a lascivious wink and ask him to order it for you. And Ethel.
This review (c) Roz Warren first appeared at HumorTimes.com on March 30, 2013. It is reprinted here with Ms. Warren’s permission.
The anthology that became Ageless Erotica (Seal Press, 2013) had been a gleam in my eye for years. The older I got and the more erotica I read, the more I wished for erotica that reflected my age, my experiences, my challenges, my sexuality living in an aging body. I wanted erotica that acknowledged the challenges, the liveliness, and the creativity of older-age sex. Twenty-nine erotica writers ages 50 to 70+ came through with stories that amazed and delighted me.
Do people over age 50 need or
want erotica about our age group? Personally, at 69, I enjoy sexy writing, but
I don’t respond to youth-focused erotica with its quick arousal and inevitable
orgasms. When I read about a couple slamming each other against a wall or onto a kitchen counter because their drive is impossibly urgent, my reaction is “ouch,” not “ohhh.” I want to identify with the characters, and I’m most stimulated by writers who write from an older perspective, using characters of our age, experiencing our challenges.
Many — most? — people don’t feel this way at all. They’re aroused by characters and scenes that fill a fantasy that is unrelated to age and that takes them away from the realities of their own lives. They don’t want to be reminded of arthritic knees or undependable orgasms when they’re reading erotica.
Even among my own Ageless Erotica writers, there was no agreement when I asked them about
the importance of “senior erotica.” Here’s a sampling of their comments:
- “Good erotica is never about what the characters look like. It’s about sensations, sexy thoughts, hot words, how the partners give each other pleasure,” says Donna George Storey, author of Amorous Woman, a semi-autobiographical tale of an American woman’s erotic adventures in Japan. “For me it was
deliciously naughty, a treat for my inner rebel, to write a true story about a
juicy afternoon tryst with my husband of 27 years for Ageless Erotica. That story was very, very satisfying to tell.”
- “I don’t believe we need erotica that emphasizes
the challenges of seniors — people read fiction to escape from reality,” says I.G. Frederick, who writes steamy
erotic stories and edgy, transgressive fiction. “However, all writers have a
responsibility not to marginalize older adults by ignoring them. When they
don’t appear in fiction they may succumb to the media myth that only the young
- “It’s important for my older characters not only to enjoy good, hot, steamy sex, but also to experience physical and emotional changes and deal with real life insecurities,” says Audrienne Roberts Womack, who also writes under the name Lotus Falcon, author of Sugar Dish Mouth Watering Erotic Poetry. “My main objective for writing erotic scenes for older characters is to emphasize that seniors are having and loving sexual relations just as they have always enjoyed it in their youth.”
- “America and the world at large are obsessed with youth and beauty being paramount to sex appeal,” says Cheri Crystal, an award-winning erotica writer whose Help Wanted: Clitoris Missing In Action features a woman turning 60. “This preoccupation with staying young often affects how we feel about our sexual selves as we age. We want and need to see ourselves in fiction, particularly, erotica, because it makes us feel good no matter how old or how many limitations and challenges we may have.”
- “Erotica from an older perspective is
fascinating because within us are the memories of a lifetime: adolescent lust,
young adult passions, the settled sexuality of middle age, and the difficulties
and rewards of older age sex,” says Susan St. Aubin, whose A Love Drive-By includes erotic
tales about people of all ages. “At almost 70, I run into more physical
limitations, but my interior fantasies remain the same, and the erotic memories
continue to grow!”
- “When I write erotica, I’m focused on the erotic
aspects of lovemaking so that age doesn’t really factor into it,” says Rae Padilla
Francoeur, author of the erotic memoir, Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Memoir (read my review here).
“When we do it, we’re not just thinking, hey, watch out for my bad knee. We’re
hardly thinking at all.” Francoeur shares her writing with her lover, age 73,
on date night. “If he says, ‘This is hot,’ I’ve done my job and I’m about to
reap the rewards.”
may never know, because we don’t talk much about our erotica appetite or
preferences. But we can make it a trend just by buying, reading, and talking about erotica that
acknowledges our age group.
what is possible at our age!
I’ve been publishing erotic fiction for over 15 years, but “Invitation to Lunch,” my maiden erotic memoir that appears in Ageless Erotica, is one is one of the most satisfying pieces I’ve ever written.
Why? Because it has given me the chance to tell the truth about enjoyable sex between two 50-something people who’ve been married for 27 years.
On the face of it, what’s the big deal? All memoirs describe real experiences. Yet a careful look at the portrayal of sexuality in our culture shows that positive descriptions of mature sexuality are extremely rare. I’ve been hesitant to try it myself. Without question, Ageless Erotica will help redress that lack.
However, I believe the impact of this book is even more revolutionary. By busting apart the myths about sexuality for older people, we question the stereotypes that hinder us at every age. Writing erotica is all about steamy images and sensibilities, so I consider it a professional duty to pay attention to the media’s presentation of sex. I see three major “acceptable,” but limiting, ways to discuss sexuality today.
- The most ubiquitous: idealized visual images of gorgeous models and actors in advertisements, Hollywood movies and pornography. These images are invariably tied to consumption of some sort—buy this product and be satisfied like these demi-gods, if only for the moment. How many 20-year-olds can claim to experience the air-brushed,
contrived, and absurdly short encounters so familiar in the visual
media? Even in my supposed nubile prime, I felt compelled to compare
myself to Hollywood perfection and came up lacking.
- The “scientific” journalistic report, which tends to focus on social and physical problems, neuroses and diseases. The focus here tends to be on promiscuity in the young and sexual boredom or dysfunction for older married couples.While we’re all curious about the latest sex survey or specialist’s
view of “normal” sexuality, quantitative and expert measures can never
capture the complexity of our unique personal experience.
- Erotica and erotic romance, an extremely popular genre. Yet the majority of these stories are fantasies, standing in stark contrast to what we do in our ordinary lives. While there are hardly any positive images of older people enjoying erotic pleasure in this mix, the sad truth is that there are few positive, realistic images for anyone of any age. Erotic stories can be arousing, but there are limitations to consuming someone else’s ideas of what is sexy. Aren’t the most powerful sexual experiences fearlessly created from the heat of our own passion and imagination?
Every time someone has the courage to reveal her genuine experience of sexuality in a way that breaks out of safe cliché, she opens the door for others to speak out and look within to define their own truths. There’s potential for release from all kinds of damaging assumptions about what sex is for real people.
If you don’t have to look like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to have a great sex life, what other lies are restricting us from owning our potential? Do married couples have to grow bored with each other? Must sexy feelings fade after menopause? Is passionate love beyond our reach after 30? Is dewy innocence really sexier than knowing who you are and exactly what you want in bed? Indeed, since we all hope to live long, rewarding lives, what could be more encouraging than reassurance from wise, experienced lovers that great pleasure lies ahead for as long as we desire it?
In “Invitation to Lunch,” the couple—my husband and I—play out the woman’s fantasy of being watched while they make love. It’s probably no surprise that an erotic writer is attracted to the forbidden fantasies of her sexuality being seen and accepted by others. I realize now that this is what Ageless Erotica means to me: seeing and celebrating the honest erotic experiences of all lovers whatever their age, appearance or sexual preference. Let the new sexual revolution begin!
semi-autobiographical tale of an American woman’s love affair with Japan. Her
fiction and essays have appeared in numerous places including Fourth Genre, The
Gettysburg Review, Prairie Schooner, Penthouse, Best American Erotica, and The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica. Read
more at www.DonnaGeorgeStorey.com. Her story in Ageless Erotica, “By Invitation Only,” is based on a recent
lunchtime interlude with her husband of 25 years. Their motto is “you never
stop learning” — especially when it comes to pleasure.