Needed: Your experiences and insights

I’m working on my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty (Cleis Press), and I’d like to include more comments from my age 50+ readers about any of these areas where you have strong opinions or useful experiences. (All questions apply to any gender or sexual orientation unless clearly targeted otherwise)

  • What sexual activity did you discover after age 50 that became an important part of your sex life?
  • What are the special LGBT issues related to sex & aging?
  • How does your or your partner’s body image play a role in enjoyment of sex?
  • Straight older women are fearful about showing their bodies to a new partner – does that figure into the lesbian or gay male experience at all?
  • Is “lesbian bed death” real, or a myth? Do committed relationships tend to become sexless?
  • What medical conditions have impacted your sex life, and how have you dealt with them?
  • If you’re in a unsatisfying relationship, how do you decide whether to stay or go?
  • What prompted a later-life break-up or divorce in your life?
  • How did your doctor react when you brought up a sexual concern? Did your doctor ever say something ageist that led you to switch docs?
  • If you were having sexual problems, resisted going to a doctor or therapist, then finally did, and there was a treatable explanation for the problem, tell me your story. 
  • Your experiences with painful sex? What steps did you take to diagnose and treat the problem? What worked?
  • First sex with a new partner: good, bad, worrisome, fabulous…?
  • Your experiences with strap-on sex? 
  • What helps you with decreased sensation?
  • What didn’t I ask that I should have?

This isn’t a survey — just choose a question that relates to you in a strong way, and write me your experience. You can either post it as a comment here, or email me privately. By doing either, you’re giving me permission to use excerpts in my book if they fit. What you tell me may help others significantly.

If I use your comments in my book, I won’t identify you in any way, and I’ll be careful to delete any details that might lead someone else to identify you.

I’ll continue to update this list when different topics come up.  In case you didn’t see my previous request for your comments, check it out here.

Hope to hear from you.

Joan Price

Your Best Senior Sex Tip?

I’ve been sitting here working on my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, sharing all the best tips I know for enhancing sexual pleasure at our age.

I’ll bet you’ve got some advice yourself for our generation, too. Would you share it with my readers and with our community here?

For example:

  • If your body and your sexual responsiveness have changed, what have you discovered to rev up your responses again?
  • If it became difficult to communicate with a partner about what one of you needed, how did you break through the impasse?
  • If you and your partner stopped having sex, how did you get back on track or make other satisfying arrangements?
  • What’s the best advice you got from a therapist, sex educator, or medical professional about making lackluster sex better?
  • How have you worked around the problems that threatened to derail your sex life?
  • What have you done to make solo sex especially enjoyable?
  • What have you discovered that you think would help others of our age, too?
  • What do you wish you’d done differently?

These topics are just a start. You know what would be helpful to our community.

If you’re over 50, partnered or solo, any gender, please share your best tip(s) either by writing a comment on this blog or by emailing me privately if you prefer.

By responding to this request, you’re agreeing that I may quote your advice. I won’t use your name or identify you in any way. (If you’re a sex educator, author, therapist, or medical professional and you want me to use your name, let me know that, and be sure I have all your contact info so I can follow up.)

Thank you!

(Attention comment spammers and site/product promoters: No, this is not your chance to sneak in an oily link to a site or product that I do not endorse. Don’t. Even. Try. If you’re trying to drum up business by pulling readers to your site or a product that I do not recommend, stop now. Don’t make me cranky by causing me extra work checking your links and deleting your comment.)

Your comments invited for my new book

Update: So many of you emailed me after reading “Sharing Body Heat” on Huffington Post that I still need time to answer you. You sent me extraordinary emails — moving and powerful. Please be patient because I want to send each of you a personal response. Meanwhile, know that everything you write me is read and appreciated. 

I’m continuing to add new questions and topics to this ever-growing list. Even if you read it when it was first posted a while back, see if there’s anything new that intrigues you. Thank you! 

Readers over age 50: I’d love your comments for my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, to be published by Cleis Press early in 2015. I’ll be addressing the questions, concerns, and topics you’ve shared with me in the past and continue to share with me. 

I envision this new book as a comprehensive guide to staying sexually vibrant, active, and empowered as your body ages — and giving you the solid, up-to-date information that will help you deal with the problems that get in your way.

I’d like you involved. I’m seeking thoughtful, illuminating, quotable comments from you on whatever topics matter to you, as long as they have to do with sex after age 50 in all its colors, stripes, and flavors.

This time, instead of presenting reader stories as I did in Naked at Our Age, I’ll be using short quotes — from a couple of sentences to a short paragraph — from comments you post here or send me directly. I hope you’ll get the conversation started by either commenting here or emailing me privately. Your name won’t be used, so please be candid. By doing this, you’re giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book, without identifying you in any way.

Anything you want to say interests me, and nothing is too weird or outrageous, as long as it’s honest. For example:

  • What has changed about your sexuality lately? 
  • What new attitudes, experiences, techniques, or resources make sex better? 
  • What are the myths and stereotypes about older people and sex, and why are they wrong?
  • What challenges do you face personally? 
  • Which likes and dislikes have changed? 
  • How have your relationships grown — or failed to grow? 
  • What do you desire now that would have surprised your younger self?
  • If you could change something, what would it be?
  • What do you wonder about other people our age?
  • What do you wish our society understood about our sexuality?
  • What do you wish you understood about your own sexuality?
  • What else would you like me to know?

I know people will be interested in what you post here, but if you’d rather tell me privately, email me. I look forward to hearing from you.

7/27-8/17/13 UPDATE: Here are some specifics I’d like to know from people over 50, any gender or sexual orientation. Choose one or two questions that particularly apply to you or interest you, and either comment here or email me a couple of sentences to a paragraph. By doing this, you’re giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book. You won’t be identified in any way.

If you’re in a relationship now:

  • How do you keep it sexually vibrant?
  • What is interfering with having a satisfying sex life?
  • Do you use any of these with your partner: role-playing, reading erotica, watching porn or romantic films, pet names, silly games, sexy games…?
  • If your relationship is not sexually vibrant, what’s missing?
  • Do you consider yourself kinky? What form does that take, and what do you love about it?
  • If you and your partner are monogamous, how do you keep sex lively?  
  • If you and your partner are nonmonogamous, what went into that decision, and what are your boundaries / rules / agreements?
  • How did you meet your partner? How did you know that he/she was special?
  • If your relationship is bad, what would make you decide to leave?
  • Have you used counseling to improve communication, sex, or other issues? 

If you’re not in a relationship now:

  • What do/don’t you like about being single?
  • Do you consider yourself to be in the dating life?
  • How do you meet other singles?
  • Good, bad, ugly about online dating?
  • Do you have or would you accept a “friend with benefits”?
  • Do you use safer sex with a new partner? If so, what safer sex precautions to you take? If not, what goes into that decision?
  • Describe your worst first date (after age 50).

Whether or not you’re in a relationship now:

  • What medical conditions have impacted your sex life, and how have you dealt with them?
  • How have sex toys enriched your sexual enjoyment (either solo or partnered)?
  • How have your sexual likes & dislikes changed after age 50?
  • What would you like to try that you haven’t ever done?
  • What do you fantasize about, but you wouldn’t like to do it in real life?
  • What are the special LGBT issues related to sex & aging?
  • What didn’t I ask that I should have?

I’ll continue to update this list when different topics come up. Many thanks! Hope to hear from you.

Joan Price

If you’ve commented on my blog in the past….

As you read in my earlier post here, I am collecting reader comments to include in my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, to be published by Cleis Press in 2015.

Besides inviting you to contribute comments specifically for The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, I’m going through the responses you’ve posted here on this blog over the years. I’m excerpting short snippets of your comments to illustrate points and illuminate topics in this book.

You won’t be identified in any way, nor will I use any details that might enable anyone to identify you. Please contact me with any questions.

Thank you so much for participating in our community and making this blog a place to exchange ideas, information, experiences, and attitudes. I’m truly moved by your candor and thoughtfulness when you post comments here. Don’t stop!