Posts Tagged ‘men’
Young Man Desires Older Women
Sean writes from Wisconsin,
I am 26 and have no problem getting dates with women my age. I’m a young professional and have confidence in my abilities with women my age. However, I am incredibly attracted to older women. I don’t want to say anything to friends because it feels abnormal, but I find such beauty in maturity. I work in a professional environment where I am around professional older women all the time. I can’t help but fantasize about them. I’m sure part of it is that my hormones are going crazy, but there really is something more to it. There is something about a woman who is well versed, educated, smart, and mature that drives me wild. Is this wrong? And if it’s not, do older women even take men my age seriously? When I’m talking to someone my age, it’s easy to read and give signs, because it’s commonplace for people in my age group to make a romantic connection – it’s on people’s minds. In conversation with an older woman, that assumption isn’t there. Is there anything you feel will work better for making a signal to an older woman? Are there any phrases (not pick-up lines) that would serve as cues? What should I look for?
Sean, I’m discovering that many young men are attracted to older women for exactly the reasons you say: “something about a women who is well versed, educated, smart, and mature.” Believe me, many women would jump at the chance to get to know you if they knew about you. Some suggestions for approaching an older woman who interests you:
- Converse, listen (very important!), and flirt as you would with a woman of any age. Yes, she’ll recognize the signs. She might be shy about letting you see her signs, in case she fears she’s misreading yours, so keep her talking.
- Don’t rush things along — she wants to know she interests you as a person, not just a potential bed partner.
- Look into her eyes a lot. Really listen and respond to what she’s saying.
- Lean towards her to give the body signal that you’re interested. Watch for these signs from her: eye contact; leaning towards you; arms relaxed (not crossed in front of chest); playing with hair, clothing, or jewelry.
- After a nice, long conversation, where you feel there’s a connection, you might ask her outright: “I wonder if there’s any reason I should not ask you out.”
- If she says, “I’m old enough to be your mother,” you can ask, “I really like the maturity and intelligence of older women. The question is, am I too young to interest you?”
- If you’re really brave, buy one of my books and carry it around. When she asks about the book, say something like, “I find older women very attractive, and I hope this book will help me understand them better — in all ways.”
I wrote about the experiences of Judy, 62, who loved men in their twenties in Older Women, Younger Men last September. Let’s keep talking about this, because I know it is a fantasy of many older women and younger men, and for some, it’s a passionate reality.
Dean asks, “Does Granny like oral sex?”
I just got an email from Dean, who describes himself as “a very active 70 year old” from Kansas. He asks this:
Joan: I have had sex with ladies 40 to 74 in the last ten years. However I am diabetic and take pills for high blood pressure, so due to those two items I am as you guessed, impotent to the Nth degree. I have had and given oral sex to several partners but I feel like they feel that this isn’t normal. My question, I guess, is, does granny really like this or is it that she feels, well, that’s all he can do? Can you come up with a ball park figure in percentages of the lassies that do and don’t get excited about oral sex? I have known ladies that were extremely sexual but would have nothing to do with oral. Is this very much the way granny thinks? Joan, I love the ladies and they like me, but what’s a relationship without a little pandering?
Dean, I imagine our readers will have plenty to say, but let me start out by saying that calling a woman with whom you want to have sex “Granny” just isn’t sexy! I don’t know how you interact with these women, or what you call them during pillow talk, but your wording here makes me wonder!
As far as whether older women like oral sex, there’s no percentage I can give you. I can tell you that the better the man is at giving oral sex — the more he tunes in to the sounds and movements that show him what she likes — the better she’ll enjoy it. That means not developing a one-technique-fits-all approach, but gathering many skills and the most important skill: being attentive to her cues and responding to them.
I’d like to recommend a book to you, Dean, and to every man who wants to understand better what a woman enjoys during oral sex: She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner. This book is clever, practical, and full of tips and techniques guaranteed to help any man become a better lover!
Peter: “We don’t need vibrators; we need lovers”
I love it when readers post comments here, or write me emails with their thoughts. Sometimes what they tell me is so provocative that I ask their permission to excerpt their email here, as I’ve done here. Peter, who attracted big reactions from his previous email about women not on HRT not wanting sex, has written this time out of concern that women are reaching for their vibrators instead of seeking out a lover. He writes:
I have noticed a trend that leaves me feeling a little sad, and yes, this is a criticism. The last response to what I wrote was advice from someone about a vibrator. I know the recipient was in her seventies and was a good target for that sort of advice, but it followed a pattern. I’ve felt a little unsettled at the preponderance of this.
I’d like to think we are all enlightened enough to not feel shame at admitting we get ourselves off more than we get off on someone else. So do we really need another tool to do this? I’m no square by any means, but I think porn is sad. And is that vibrator you recommend really the perfect lover?
We don’t need vibrators; we need lovers. The problem is not orgasm; the problem is a loving connection. We are all social beings. We all suffer from the torture of social isolation, even those with spouses.
We need to break down the barriers that keep us from each other.
I need to clarify something — much as I love and recommend sex toys for enhancing arousal, particularly when declining hormones make orgasm more difficult, I have never called a vibrator a “perfect lover”! I don’t call it a lover at all. I would never trade the intimacy of a lover’s touch for any amount of electric buzzing!
But realize this, also — many women my age — especially in more sexually conservative geographical areas — don’t know that sex-toy-assisted stimulation might bring back the response that they can’t recapture on their own, with or without a lover. That’s a separate issue from what you’re saying, Peter, but I think it’s important to include it.
Do we need ardent, sensitive lovers more than sex toys? Oh yes. Do we all have ardent, sensitive lovers? From what my readers tell me, unfortunately, no.
When I read comments and emails from both women and men who wish for a loving partner, I wish I could hold a mixer of my single readers!
Guy Talk about Sex after Sixty
Since Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty came out, I have been speaking to groups around the US and Canada, and one question keeps coming up from the men: Where is the book about sex after sixty for us? Although many men have read and enjoyed Better Than I Ever Expected — and tell me they have learned a lot from it! — it was written primarily for women and about women.
I’m listening, guys! You want a book that addresses your concerns, too, and includes men’s experiences told by men.
I’m thinking about my next book now, and I’d like to know what you’d want to read: a book just about men and sex after midlife, or would you want a balance of men and women speaking out about their attitudes and experiences? Would you be more interested in the special challenges of dating after 50 or 60, or keeping a long-term relationship sexy, or both?
Women, would you like to hear guy talk about sex after sixty? Would you read a book aimed at men to know your man better?
Men and women, would you be interested in reading about couples who have kept their sex lives spicy and satisfying long-term?
What specific questions or topics would you hope to read?
I’m brainstorming my next book, and I await your input! Either click “comment” below or email me if you prefer. I look forward to hearing from you!