Posts Tagged ‘reader story’
Aggressive prostate cancer treatment saved his life
Neil, age 74, who wrote his Personal View of Prostate Surgery and Sex here, wants to add this:
I hope I did not leave the impression that I am anti-physician. I do not want to imply that my caregivers were incompetent or uncaring. I certainly don’t think anyone lied to me. I am blessed with a caring and extremely competent urologist who has given me nine years free of prostate cancer.
The urologist was aggressive in treatment. Tests were conducted well before my PSA even reached critical numbers. Normal range is 1 to 4 — mine was a little over 2. The disease was caught early because of a very dedicated doctor.
My urologist routinely spends 12 to 14 hour days in the battle against cancer and has very little personal time. I am grateful for what was done for me. My physician, by the way, was not the person who gave the word that sex didn’t matter after 55. That was a second opinion guy at another medical center.
I suppose the myths and lack of information come from two areas:
(1) The work load of dedicated health care professionals is unbelievable. When faced with a choice of saving life or providing sexuality education, I would want my doctor to first go after the cancer. I was very grateful my urologist did just that. I am here today because of this priority.
(2) While some counseling was given, my physician candidly stated that not much training was given in matters of sexuality. There simply was not enough time for everything. I believe that. As I have talked to other urologists, the story is the same. There is just not enough time to get everything into the program of study.I am sure that we, as sex educators, have some responsibility to assist in making things better. Perhaps more of us will somehow find our way into relationships with medical school faculties. Hopefully, we can also raise awareness that would provide support to local medical groups as well. I would hope that we could be of assistance to the medical profession without getting in the way of their very important clinical work. I am sure that your book will also provide more information that can be placed in the hands of the health care community.
Above all, I want to leave the message for men to find a competent urologist and stay with their professional judgment. This stuff is nothing to mess with or take lightly. I prefer that we work hand in hand with health care professionals in the battle against cancer as well as the enhancement of sexuality.
Becka, 70, Gets Her First “Matches”
This guest blog is the second from Becka, a member of my online dating posse Enjoy Becka’s online dating report, Part 2: (Read Part 1 here.)
I signed up on Match.com and was instantly overwhelmed. I saw nowhere to click for anything free. Loads of ads blared at me, so I left. Free is good. All the other sites I looked at offered choices that were free, and you could upgrade to a paying choice later if you wanted to. It feels like bait and switch when they ask if you want to see a photo, you click on “yes,” and they take you to a page where you are offered a chance to pay for it. Be patient, stand your ground. If you like the facts about someone and decide to communicate, the person him/herself will send you a photo.
I signed up feeling very broad-minded, so I said that I was interested in meeting men ages 40-90 anywhere in the world. I am 70. But I lied about that and subtracted a year because I figure a 6 was more attractive than a 7. So sue me.
But the joke was on me. I was immediately shown six “matches,” ranging in age from 47 to 82. Guess who I found the most interesting? Yup. Age 82, who lived “only” 2,751 miles from me.
Here’s why I rejected the others, although some of you might find them appealing:
- Mike was a retired doctor who had no interests in anything other than things medical and golf. I hate golf.
- Robert said the most important thing in his life was his guru, whom he followed “passionately.” Personally, I like a man who thinks for himself, plus I wondered would he have enough passion left over for me?
- Cal was military all the way and liked his bed made up with precision corners. Me, I like rumpled sheets, lots of pillows and an oversized, wildly colorful bedspread. Definitely not a match!
- Zeke was into fixing up his trailer.
- Allen I actually knew and thought he was a sleaze.
- Harry suddenly appeared – true! — on the nightly news as a government employee who had been arrested for driving drunk. No thank you.
But I’m not discouraged. In fact, I’m about to send a response to Ian. He is retired, lives alone, has no family, is quiet, mild-mannered, unobtrusive and likes to fly. He is either Superman or a terrorist. So we’ll see.
Thank you, Becka, for your entertaining report! Who else wants to contribute your senior online dating experiences? See my invitation here. — Joan
Man, 300 pounds: Should I purchase a penis extender?
Mason, age 67, is 6 feet tall and weighs 300 pounds. His new wife is 4 ft.9 inches tall and weighs only 101 pounds. “I think you can picture the problem,” Mason writes.
I have a LOT of belly fat all the way down to my penis area. When I was young I had about a 6 inch penis and weighed 200 and was able to please my wife in many ways. I have about 3 inches that is not covered by fat now but my belly keeps it from protruding long enough without hurting my wife.
When I make love I cannot be on top as I press too hard on her as well as the fat makes penetration not good at all. When she is on top, because of my fat she is having to hold on to my arms and it is like she is almost upside down trying to have sex.
She is a wonderful woman and does not complain but I know she is not enjoying sex the way she should and wants. She does have a climax but it is hard on her.
What I have in mind is purchasing a 3 inch penis extender that looks like a real penis and adding that to my penis to at least give me more length so I can penetrate without having to be on top of her.
Are you familiar with these extenders and do they work? Would they be hard to put on and will they stay on with the excitement of sex? I do not mind spending $40.00 for such a thing but do not wish to throw money away if they do not work.
Mason, have you asked your wife about this? Is this something she thinks she would enjoy? I don’t suggest surprising her with a penis extender without discussing it with her. How about trying these options first:
1. Bring her to orgasm manually or orally, with or without the assistance of a vibrator, before you have intercourse. Then intercourse can be of shorter duration and not so taxing on her.
2. If she likes penetration but has difficulty with intercourse, incorporate a dildo into your love play before or instead of intercourse.
3. Have her try being on top facing backwards during intercourse, her hands braced on your legs. Try elevating your hips, making your belly fat will fall away from her. (Set up mirrors if you like to watch each other’s faces.)
4. Consult your physician about what you can do to manage your weight. I’m not saying you could get back to your youthful weight of 200 pounds, but wouldn’t it enhance your sex life as well as your health if you could shed, say, 50 pounds?
5. Most important, ask your wife what would make her happy. Show her these suggestions and a picture of the penis extender you’re considering, if you think this would appeal to her. Have a loving discussion.
I hope these suggestions help. Would you let me know? I wish you and your wife much joy together.
— Joan
Doug, 80: “8 penises on his hands”
Doug, a reader from the Philippines, wrote a comment that was so interesting and helpful that I’m excerpting it here so you won’t miss what he said. Doug wrote,
I am 80 years young and have had ED (erectile dysfunction) all of my life. It has taken me a whole lifetime to come to the point of seeing sex but the tip of the relational iceberg.
Yes, I also know that we men are our penises and our penises are the man. This is a mental hang-up that we need to change.
Doug addresses a reader in an earlier post who wrote that her husband can no longer have erections and has given up on sex and communication. Doug says to this reader,
Until your husband can change the way that he sees his masculinity, he’ll never really feel good about himself. He has eight penises on his hands and the best penis in his mouth. And that up close and personal penis can and does give my wife wonderful, body-shaking orgasms, one right after the other, that most penile intercourse cannot come close.
And best of all, my ego isn’t lying on the ground of mental failure. It works for me and it can work for your hubby.
Doug, you’ve been most helpful to our readers here, and I thank you for sharing your perspective. Would you please contact me personally so I can invite you to be in my next book?