Posts Tagged ‘sex toys’
Senior Sex & Vibrators: Myths & Facts
I updated this published post because you continue to ask me intriguing questions about sex toys (especially vibrators for older women), both out loud and by email. I continue to hear some misconceptions I’d like to clear up. As always, I welcome your comments.
A: Actually, it’s the opposite. As women’s bodies age, we get less blood flow to the clitoris and vagina, and the vaginal walls get thinner. Most of us need more arousal time and more time to reach orgasm after we’re aroused. Vibrators enhance sensitivity by increasing blood flow to the genitals quickly and powerfully, and by directly stimulating the clitoris. (The clitoris is our #2 pleasure hot spot — #1 is our brain!) A well-chosen, well-placed vibrator can mean the difference between an orgasm — and no orgasm. The more orgasms we have, the more easily we reach orgasm the next time. So using a vibrator to get us over the edge actually enhances sensitivity and ease of reaching orgasm.
A: Not a chance. A vibrator may give quicker orgasms (that’s what it’s made for, after all), but it doesn’t cuddle well or kiss or laugh, and pillow talk with a vibrator is really boring. It either buzzes or it doesn’t. It’s a dull companion — except when we need a sexual assist. If a woman prefers a sex toy to the exclusion of her lover, it’s a signal that there’s a bigger problem in the relationship than sex toys.
Q: My man says I should reach orgasm “naturally” and not have to use a sex toy. But I just can’t come during intercourse unless I add my vibrator at the right moment.
A: I hate those “should’s.” Most women do not come through intercourse alone, and that gets truer the older we get. Point out to him where his penis contacts you during intercourse vs. where your clitoris resides.
And when he arouses you manually, which I hope he does, point out that he’s less likely to get carpal tunnel syndrome from your long arousal time if he incorporates a vibrator in arousal play.
That’s right, it’s not a choice between him or it — make it a threesome: the two of you using the vibrator together.
Q: I had two friends who burned themselves with sex toys. Aren’t they dangerous?
A: The cheaper ones are cheap for a reason. They generally have no quality standards in materials or construction — they’re called “novelty items,” and I don’t recommend them.
If your eyes widen at the price of the vibrators I recommend on this blog, consider that I only recommend safe products of medical-grade materials, careful construction, and the best design and function for our older (still sexually passionate!) bodies.
You’re paying for research and development and high-quality material that won’t degrade, melt, leach nasty chemicals into your body, break, overheat, or burn. That’s also why I recommend shopping in woman-friendly sex shops (brick-and-mortar or online) with an emphasis on health and education, like the ones I link to.
Q: You recommend going into a sex toy store and asking questions. But when I do, I see workers who are the age of my grandchildren! I’d be horrified to talk about sex with them.
A: I’m often invited to visit education-focused sex toy stores to help the staff understand our needs better. I’m always impressed by how well-trained they are already, and how seriously they take their mission to provide sex education to everyone.
We mistakenly assume that if they’re the age of our grandchildren, (a) they don’t know much; and (b) we can’t possibly talk about our sexual concerns with them.
But in reality, they’re smart, well-educated “sex nerds” — meaning that they find sex information the most fascinating topic ever. They have knowledge that will help us enrich our sex lives. They want us to feel comfortable asking them questions. It’s up to us to meet them with a smile and a question, and give them a chance to help us.
Please see my many other posts about sex toys here, including reviews of specific products, with links to retailers I personally endorse because they value people of our age and treat us well.
Note to retailers: Do not spam my comments section, because I’ll delete any comment that takes my readers to a retail site I have not endorsed. If you think you should be included in the retailers I endorse, contact me personally. Thank you. — Joan
How can a younger person share sexual knowledge with you?
Next week, I’ll have the pleasure of working in Minneapolis, giving three presentations at Smitten Kitten: two public workshops (register for these workshops here) and a staff training on sex and aging. I love sharing my knowledge with all of you, especially when my events are sponsored by sex-positive, education-oriented stores like Smitten Kitten.
One of the staff members sent me this question, and I’d like to open up the topic to comments from you:
I am 23 years old, and sometimes the oldest/most experienced person working at the store on a given day, but I feel that my age and the age of some of my co-workers makes us seem like we can’t relate to older customers, and maybe even makes them feel more uncomfortable.
Usually if we can get past that and into a conversation people realize we all have a lot of knowledge to share, but is there a way to relate to older customer more quickly, or make them feel more at ease? I know that this is a question that there can’t be one right answer for, but any tips would be helpful!
What a good question! Let me turn it over to you, readers.
Let’s say you’re going into a sexuality shop for either the first time, or with a question that embarrasses you. You look around, and all the sales people are about the age of your grandchildren.
- How do/don’t you want to be approached?
- What is the right/wrong thing for a staffer to say to you?
- How can a younger person help you feel more at ease talking about sexual concerns?
- Do you start a conversation that’s not about the real reason you’re there before honing in on the real question?
- What makes you decide whether or not you can bring up your real concern?
- What questions do you wish you had the nerve to ask, but you don’t?
A man I know was 67 when he gathered the courage to walk into a sexuality shop for the first time. He wanted to get advice about buying his first butt plug. He squeaked out the question to the tattooed, nose-ring wearing boy who barely seemed of legal age. The young man led him to the butt plug area of the store and calmly showed him various styles, explaining quietly and clearly which ones were best for novices, and why.
It was clear that (a) he knew his stuff; (b) this was his day job and no question surprised him; and (c) the older man was his valued customer, not an object of ridicule or amazement. The older man felt freer to ask more questions, and he ended up making a purchase that he enjoyed for years.
Would a calm, thorough, matter-of-fact explanation have worked to put you at ease, too?
If you’re age 50+, what experiences — good or bad — have you had in sexuality shops? I’d love to hear from you.
(Please include your age answering any of these questions.)
Stronic Eins: Amazing
[Sorry, this model is no longer available. See similar Fun Factory alternatives.]
The Fun Factory‘s Stronic Eins from Good Vibrations is unlike any sex toy I’ve ever seen/ used/ reviewed. It doesn’t vibrate exactly — it moves back and forth. It pulsates. It thrusts (gently — don’t expect a jackhammer).
If you shake it while it’s turned off, you’ll feel a solid weight inside that moves around inside the toy. When turned on, the motor moves the weight which makes the whole thing pulsate in different rhythms, depending on the pattern you choose. Quite remarkable — and wonderful, if you like a gentle thrusting motion in your vagina.
Yes, it really does move like this animation. All by itself. You just insert it, angle it to reach your G-spot, and let it work its magic. You barely have to touch it to keep it where you want it, so although you’ll see your whole arm pulsating strangely as you hold it in place using a high setting, you won’t feel stress in arthritic joints. At least I didn’t.
Here’s why you’re likely to love it:
- It moves in and out. In and out. In and out.
- It’s rumbly and throbby rather than buzzy.
- It has 10 different patterns and intensities, from dance rhythms (“rumba,” “samba,” “Viennese waltz”) to the strangely named “rattle,” “gallop,” “dirty dancing,” and “roller ball.” The controls are easy to find and use — no reading glasses required. (I can’t say that about the minuscule font in the instruction booklet, however.)
- It’s body-safe silicone — and waterproof.
- It’s rechargeable with a magnetic plug, so no batteries or cords to worry about while you’re using it. It holds a charge for a long time.
- It’s super quiet.
Here’s why you might think twice:
- If you like a slender toy, this may push your limits, as it does mine. It starts at 1.25″, gets to 1.5″ quickly, then widens to 1.75″ at the girthiest point. That would have been too big for comfort, but it was irrelevant — it got to my G-spot at the 1.5″ width. The rest of it just became a handle.
- The bump is supposed to be a clitoral stimulator. It never got close enough to touch my clitoris — too wide at that point for me. (That didn’t matter to me, because, frankly, I was using a different clitoral vibrator at the same time. Yep, teamwork.)
- You may feel the drag of the matte silicone. Use plenty of water-based (not silicone) lubricant.
- It’s expensive.
“Stronic Eins”? I don’t know why a toy this wonderful has such an odd name (does it mean something in German?), but you can rename yours. “OMG.” “Darling.” “Houdini.” “Santa Claus.” “Robert Redford.” You’ll think of something appropriate.
Seriously, what might deter you is the $199 price tag. Yow. I’ll say it’s worth it, but I also have to admit that I didn’t pay for mine — the good folks at Good Vibrations responded to my request to review it. Thank you, GoodVibes — I love my Stronic Eins.
I wonder why a $199 toy doesn’t come with a storage pouch. It needs one, because it picks up every piece of lint, dust, and cat hair in the room.
Please Note: Because the Stronic Eins technology uses magnets, it should not be used by or with anyone with a pacemaker.
Erotic Electro-Stimulation—Reviews of ElectraStim “Flick” and Erostek ET232
Thank you, David Pittle, for continuing to review sex toys for men here. My readers and I are grateful! Readers: your comments are always welcome. — Joan Price
Electro-Stimulation—E-Stim
Guest post by David M. Pittle, Ph.D., M.Div
Erotic Electro-Stimulation — what a charge! Attach electrodes to your genitals and get stimulated through electrical energy. Eugh! But if it could be a shockingly great form of sexual stimulation, why not?Although I consider myself sexually sophisticated, Electro-Stimulation – known as E-Stim — was beyond my experience or knowledge. I wanted to try it myself. Two of the leading vendors were kind enough to send me their units: ElectraStim from Cyrex, an English company, and Erostek, an American firm.
My first action was to try them on myself and then to enlist another man and two women to volunteer to experiment. These are not just men’s or women’s products, they are great for both. (I had fantasies of finding a couple to try it together, but that got too complicated.)
ElectraStim “Flick” EM60
The ElectraStim “Flick” EM60 is a small device, 2.2 x 3.5 inches and only ¾ inch thick. Nicely styled, it has a soft, flocked back and a well-designed control panel. It felt good to hold and use. It came with two penis rings as well as a vaginal probe and several stick-on electrode pads like your physician uses for an EKG. The EM60 has 24 intensity levels and seven different patterns, which you can set to your liking. Like all E-Stim devices, the stimulation is not necessarily steady. And when you hold it and “flick” your hand, it provides an extra jolt of power. The EM60 is a good choice for a first experience because it comes on slowly, but you can build it up to almost full strength with levels of pleasure all along the way.
Erostek ET232
This is a very different device from the ElectraStim. The Erostek ET232 looks a lot less sophisticated in packaging, but it packs many more functions and much more power. There are 15 patterns including one that responds to voice command. The Erostek ET232 arrived with conductive penis bands, and a ball shaped insert for use in the vagina or anus. Enough variation to please almost anyone.
Testing the Devices
To get the best idea of what worked, we began with the EM60. We placed electrode pads near the base of the penis. Our second test was with the penis rings or bands. For the women, we used the pads on either side of the clitoris and then the vaginal probe. After testing the first unit—and some well-deserved rest–we repeated the test with the Erostek ET232.
The results were amazing. The women had orgasms with both devices with the pads. With the vaginal probe, the results were even more spectacular. One of the women had exquisite feelings leading up to each of several orgasms. Changing the orientation of the probe to be either next to her G-spot or side to side made a difference in the feeling, not less or more, but pleasantly different.
For the men too, the results were spectacular. The penis rings or bands produced the greatest pleasure. This increased with one band just below the glans and the other around the scrotum. One man said that he had two full orgasms in a row before “finishing.”
All volunteer testers liked both devices. They praised the EM60 for being easy to get into and providing a soft and comfortable feeling that could be taken to a high level. They liked the Erostek as more aggressive and stronger with a different feeling to it.
Is E-Stim safe? You must use it correctly, which includes using lubricant and keeping the electrodes below the waist. Never use it if you have an implanted pacemaker or defibrillator. Read the instructions and follow the cautions. It should be as safe as your masturbation sleeve or vibrator if you follow the rules. In our testing, we measured blood pressure and heart rate before and after each test. Both heart rate and blood pressure do rise in any sexual activity, but there were no instances of anything out of the ordinary.
(Note from Joan: Of course, we do not give medical advice here, so consult your doctor to be sure. But be prepared: your doctor may have no idea what you’re talking about. Educating doctors is a good thing.)
I can say confidently that these “beginner” models from ElectraStim and Erostek are great products that will keep working for years. They are an investment for long term sexual pleasure. Which to choose? You won’t be disappointed with either.
– David M. Pittle, Ph.D., M.Div., is a therapist in San Rafael, CA, who has been helping people with sexual issues for over thirty years. Many of his clients are age 50-80, when good sex is important, and dissatisfaction may lead to loss of shared intimacy that can threaten the total relationship. David specializes in helping women who are not experiencing sexual satisfaction and men with non-medical and medically-related erectile dysfunction or other issues.
(I am sad to tell you that my friend, sex therapist David Pittle died December 2017. We value his sex toy reviews. Read more reviews by David Pittle)