Q: My man says I should reach orgasm “naturally” and not have to use a sex toy. But I just can’t come during intercourse unless I add my vibrator at the right moment.
A: I hate those “should’s.” Most women do not come through intercourse alone, and that gets truer the older we get. Point out to him where his penis contacts you during intercourse vs. where your clitoris resides.
And when he arouses you manually, which I hope he does, point out that he’s less likely to get carpal tunnel syndrome from your long arousal time if he incorporates a vibrator in arousal play.
That’s right, it’s not a choice between him or it — make it a threesome: the two of you using the vibrator together.
Q: I had two friends who burned themselves with sex toys. Aren’t they dangerous?
A: The cheaper ones are cheap for a reason. They generally have no quality standards in materials or construction — they’re called “novelty items,” and I don’t recommend them.
If your eyes widen at the price of the vibrators I recommend on this blog, consider that I only recommend safe products of medical-grade materials, careful construction, and the best design and function for our older (still sexually passionate!) bodies.
You’re paying for research and development and high-quality material that won’t degrade, melt, leach nasty chemicals into your body, break, overheat, or burn. That’s also why I recommend shopping in woman-friendly sex shops (brick-and-mortar or online) with an emphasis on health and education, like the ones I link to.
Q: You recommend going into a sex toy store and asking questions. But when I do, I see workers who are the age of my grandchildren! I’d be horrified to talk about sex with them.
A: I’m often invited to visit education-focused sex toy stores to help the staff understand our needs better. I’m always impressed by how well-trained they are already, and how seriously they take their mission to provide sex education to everyone.
We mistakenly assume that if they’re the age of our grandchildren, (a) they don’t know much; and (b) we can’t possibly talk about our sexual concerns with them.
But in reality, they’re smart, well-educated “sex nerds” — meaning that they find sex information the most fascinating topic ever. They have knowledge that will help us enrich our sex lives. They want us to feel comfortable asking them questions. It’s up to us to meet them with a smile and a question, and give them a chance to help us.
Please see my many other posts about sex toys here, including reviews of specific products, with links to retailers I personally endorse because they value people of our age and treat us well.
Note to retailers: Do not spam my comments section, because I’ll delete any comment that takes my readers to a retail site I have not endorsed. If you think you should be included in the retailers I endorse, contact me personally. Thank you. — Joan