Autumn of Love: “We are having hot, fabulous sex after 60”

Freelance writer Mark L. Fuerst wrote a terrific article based on an interview with me which has appeared in several newspapers, such as The Missoulian, Florida Today, and others. I thought you’d enjoy reading it:

Autumn of Love

Birds do it, bees to it, even educated older couples can, too. Here’s some straight talk about sex after 60.

By Mark L. Fuerst
CTW Features

Society’s view of aging women as sexless is wrong. “Many of us are having the best sex of our lives. We are having hot, fabulous sex after 60,” says Joan Price, author of “Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty” (Seal Press, 2006).

Some 70 percent of sexually active women over 60 reported being as satisfied or more satisfied with their sexual lives than they were in their 40s, according to a 1998 survey of nearly 1,300 Americans aged 60 or older, conducted by the National Council on Aging, Washington, D.C.

“My experience certainly supports that,” says Price, who also is a dance instructor, fitness professional, speaker and health writer. “In my 40s, I was unnerved by the realization that my sex life was being affected by undeniable signs and feelings of aging. Now I’ve grown past wanting to hold onto to youth in the bedroom, and as a result I feel truly present with my lover and capable of intense satisfaction.”

Changes after menopause make sexual enjoyment challenging, but “we’re using our creativity, our personal power, the joy and intimacy of our relationships, and useful tools of all sorts — from sex toys to a sense of humor — to tackle those challenges,” Price says.

The book is mainly about her intensely up-front-and-personal story of hot sex with her 68-year-old lover, Robert, whom she married earlier this year, along with snippets of interviews with other sexually seasoned women about their experiences.

“Sexual response is in our brains. I’m in love with the man I’ve been looking for my whole life, whom I met when I was 57 and he was 64,” says Price, age 61 when she wrote the book. “We’re as turned on by each other as a couple of teenagers, but with the juicy addition of decades of life experience, self-knowledge, communication skills and a sense of humor. We’re also willing to experiment and stretch our boundaries.”

Kaycee, age 66, says, “Keep an open mind. Remember that there is always something new to try and so many men out there. Sex after 60 could be the best time of your life if you play it right.”

Price adds that “we overcome the physical challenges by being inventive and resourceful. We take advantage of the lessened urgency by slowing things down, taking more time.”

You call that ‘older’?

Unfortunately, society has not become more accepting of older-age sexuality. “One day I watched some television talk shows about the sexiness of older women. They dressed sexy, pole-danced, and taught the audience how to strip. But these so-called ‘older’ women were probably in their 40s! I’d like to see women who admit and look like they’re over 60 on these talk shows, rousing other older women to assert their sexuality. We need to accept that women can and do stay sexy through the decades, and it doesn’t stop when we no longer can hide the wrinkles or saggy skin.”

Claire, age 66, says, “I think my body is great. I have all the wrinkles and brown spots, and that’s fine, that’s who I am. And the body works better than it ever has. The woman I’m with thinks I’m the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen in her life, which makes me feel great. I wish women could just learn to love their bodies like I have done, and refuse to buy the social stuff that’s out there about youth and beauty. We are all beautiful.”

Phoebe, age 64, says, “Generally my life is easier, less driven, so sex is a part of it rather than a driving force. It is easier not being controlled by my hormones and sex drive. Also, I feel very self-confident about my sexuality and attractiveness, pleased that I am attractive to others, even younger men.”

One of Price’s major messages is that boomers are redefining aging and sexuality. “We’re the Love Generation; we practically invented sex,” she says. “We’re not about to shut the gates now!”

The article also includes my tips for keeping sex vibrant and fun as we age, which you can read here.

Many thanks to Mark L. Fuerst and to CTW Features for permission to reprint this article here.

— Joan

Ottawa Sun: “right into the nitty-gritty”


I love this article by lifestyle columnist Ann Marie McQueen in the Ottawa Sun today!

Ageless Sex Advice
Author touting the benefits of nookie after 60 during stop at local adult shop

By Ann Marie McQueen, Ottawa Sun

After I suggest to California author Joan Price she seems to have landed the world’s greatest sixtysomething man — scratch that, the greatest man of any age — she launches right into the nitty-gritty.

They’re out there, says the author of Better Than I Expected:Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty, who is coming to Ottawa this weekend to give two workshops on the topic at downtown sex shop Venus Envy.

The men she speaks of, like her Robert, came of age in the 1960s too, and many of them want to be with their female contemporaries, want to find ways to make sex good with them, no matter what their aging bodies say about it, says Price.

She gathers steam as she describes such men, who will listen as women say things like, “let’s see what we can do about my thinning vaginal tissues, about my lack of lubrication.”

She stops suddenly.

“This may be too frank for you.”

“No, no,”I say, realizing I had starting chuckling out loud right about the time Price said “thinning vaginal tissues.”

“It’s fine.”

“You all right?”she says once more, sweetly, before forging ahead ” — what can we do about my slow arousal, what can we do about the time it takes to reach orgasm?”

If you are below 50, and before you start going ‘ewwww’ at the priceless Price, it might be time to think about where your own life is headed. That’s right. Straight to 60, and beyond. Might be time to pay attention. And ditch the attitude, such as the kind embodied in Louise Rafkin’s article for the San Francisco Chronicle magazine, headlined “Now that Baby Boomers have discovered there’s sex after 60, could they please stop writing about it?”

It’s not very likely Price is going to do anything of the kind. In fact, she’s made it her mission to speak on it as much, and as frankly, as possible.

“If you want to be a sexual person, you’ve gotta really make a commitment to it, you’ve really gotta say, ‘I’m gonna love my wrinkles, I’m gonna love my sags, I’m gonna love my partner’s wrinkles and sags and we’re gonna find ways to rejuvenate the relationship,’ ” she said.

While the one-time English teacher, fitness professional and author was penning Better, Gail Sheehy would be building on the success of her book Passages 30 years ago with Sex and the Seasoned Woman, which was all over the morning TV shows, Internet and newspapers when it came out in January.

Fitting, really, considering Price blames the media for the dim light cast on aging women.

“It has never portrayed the older woman as sexy, understanding herself, self-confident, self-knowledgeable, self-affirming and that that’s a good thing,” says the California-based Price.
If women are shown as sexual when they are older, it’s either perceived as ground-breaking (Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give) or predatory and pathetic (a turn by actress Holland Taylor on Boston Legal’s predecessor The Practice). They are invisible in magazines, says Price, who is determined to build on the current wave of awareness.

“I want it to seem normal for one,” she says, “and I want people who have not come out of the woodwork to talk about it, and they are.”

Price’s perky, inspirational book offers not academic theories but practical expertise. It is filled with concrete tips — say, instructions for how to use a vibrator — and she’s-been there-anecdotes about everything from exercise, to hormone replacement therapy.

She’s even delighting in holding her Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty workshops in new-generation adult stores like Venus Envy. Drawing people who’ve never visited them, helping them realize the sex-related treasures they hold, is another of Price’s goals.

“They are places filled with joy and laughter, and the attitude that sensuality and sexuality are great pleasures for us,” she said. “And they are just showing us ways we can enhance those pleasures.”

Price will give two workshops this weekend, each from 6:30-8:30 p.m. Saturday’s is open to women and men, while Sunday’s is limited to women. The cost is $25. For information, call the store at 789-4646.