Who Called In the Creeps?
I apologize profusely to any readers who were subjected to the dozens of nasty and profane comments that were posted to my blog the morning of Dec. 5. I deleted them and easily traced the trashing of my blog to an organized attack led by the fan message board of a shock-jock radio show.
The listeners apparently found the idea of joyful senior sex icky and set out to trash “the old lady sex blog,” as they called it, by posting more than 40 obscene, racist, sexist, ageist, offensive messages.
Wow, this really surprised me, and continues to.
Too many people with too much time on their hands, too much meanness in their hearts, and too little capacity for intimacy, perhaps. I wonder how they treat their grandparents. We might discuss their fears of aging and sexuality, and their need to keep us as the “other” — easy, even enjoyable, to stereotype and demean.
If you’ve tried to post a comment and it hasn’t been accepted, I’m being particularly careful here because they’ve tried to continue the assault with comments that pretend to be sympathetic.
Chris Smith wrote a nice paragraph about me in his column in the Press Democrat Dec. 5, and I had many new visitors that morning. I hope they realize that I was sabotaged, and they don’t stay away because of what they read before I got to it. I’ve changed my settings so that now I’ll moderate all comments before they appear. Sorry it was necessary.
— Joan
12/7 update: I was able to listen to the radio show that set off this assault by reading aloud from this blog for many minutes. I sent this note to the producer, who invited me to appear on the show:
I heard [the hosts] discuss my topic, book, blog, and the personal stories of those who opened their lives to me. I choose to preserve a level of dignity about older people enjoying sex and intimacy that is at odds with the show’s glee at ridiculing them.
Therefore, I decline your invitation.
Now the world knows we are not dead yet and still love sex.
It was quite an interesting show and I really enjoyed seeing you and Robert. I recently started going to a health club and it is amazing how many older ladies are taking good care of themselves.
Bonnie, thank you for calling me “the beautiful face of senior sex, who turns up whenever the age group is ridiculed” — I love that!
Yes, I did realize I had taken on a crusade as early as when I started interviewing people for my book. The women and men I interviewed responded with “Thank goodness somebody wants to know!”
That’s when I understood that speaking out on this subject was a much bigger mission than just telling my personal love story.
I’ve learned that ageism is alive and thriving, especially directed against senior sexuality. At least we’re progressing — because now it isn’t so rare to see those two words — “senior” and “sexuality” –together!
Thank you, everyone who sent such kind public and private comments.
— Joan
Joan, one more “go get ’em” note… I watched the Lewis Black special on Comedy Central, a review of ’06. Among the other material was a riff, obscene, of course, and not very funny, on the fact that a 63 year old woman had a baby this year. It was grossly disrespectful, to say the very least, of the idea of people that age having sex. There’s something else to go after.
We’re all seeing you as the beautiful face of senior sex, who turns up whenever the age group is ridiculed. Maybe you didn’t intend to turn this into a crusade….
The US is very sexually inhibited in many ways. this is evident in the reaction your comments on Nightline received. We are always ready to tear down that which we are afraid of.
That is aside, though. I really wanted to comment on your blog’s information aimed at us ‘oldies’ — elderly people I never believed ever thought of sex when I was a young pup. Boy, was I wrong! Keep up the good work.
Joan,
I am so sorry that you had trolls visit your blog.
The cyber world is a microcosm of the great big wide world and so it is not immune to such infantile behavior. And I am sorry that it was orchestrated by juvenile radio hosts.
Sometimes you have to wonder how certain people’s logic trains ever get out of the station before they become derailed. Honestly, do they not wish to grow old enough to become a senior citizen? And do they not wish to have an active and satisfying love life when they achieve that age?
Then again arguing with trolls is like having a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
Anyway, just more for you to talk about come our January meeting. I’m so looking forward to hearing you speak in front of our writers group.
Linda
So sorry to learn about your bad experience with those creeps.
Hang in there!
An ASJA friend
I’m 47, so they’re probably not talking about me, yet (or maybe they are). But who cares?
These guys are total losers.
I didn’t talk or think like this in my teens, twenties, or thirties.
Granted, when I was a teenager, I didn’t think old people (anyone 30, 40, 50, and especially 60) had sex. But I really never gave it any thought, because all I cared about was how much I was or was not getting.
And the reality was at 15 – when much of my sex time was spent pleading with my girlfriends to have sex – the old folks were probably getting a lot more
than me.
Also, losers like this who would spend time and energy saying pathetic,perverted, sophomoric things are probably trying to transfer their own frustration and shortcomings (and that may be taken in all ways) to others because they themselves are not getting any, AND THEY’RE IN THEIR PRIME.
The other funny thing is they themselves will one day be the very thing they so disdain – old.
I hear that the hosts were so intrigued by senior sex that they read your blog on their air for more than ten minutes.
I hope they picked up some tips!