Posts Tagged ‘women’
Gloria Steinem: Doing Sixty & Seventy
I was excited to see that Gloria Steinem has written a new book about aging, titled Doing Sixty & Seventy, and eagerly ordered it. When I saw the book — just 68 pages long and printed in a font about three times normal size, I felt cheated. It’s not a “book” — it’s a series of two essays published in hard cover. Once I got past that realization and read the essays, I was glad that I had.
Steinem, one of the most influencial feminist/activists of our time, was the founder of Ms. magazine. She became an inadvertent spokesperson for aging issues after a reporter said to her on her fortieth birthday, “You don’t look forty.”
Her widely quoted reply: “This is what forty looks like. We’ve been lying for so long, who would know?”
Steinem is now seventy-plus, and still radical. In fact, she claims that women get more radical as they age. This book includes her essay, “Doing Sixty,” plus “Into the Seventies,” a preface (which is actually an additional essay) looking back twelve years after writing “Doing Sixty.”
Some tidbits from these thought-provoking essays:
“I used to joke that I thought I was immortal and this caused me to plan poorly.”
“It was only after I’d become an old lady myself that I lost the habit of imposing my sentimental interpretation on old people.”
“For women especially – and for men too, if they’ve been limited by stereotpyes — we’ve traveled past the point when society cares very much about what we do… Though this neglect and invisibility may shock and grieve us greatly at first… it also creates a new freedom to be ourselves — without explanation.”
“I used to think that continuing my past sex life was the height of radicalism. After all, women too old for childbearing were supposed to be too old for sex. Becoming a pioneer dirty old lady seemed a worthwhile goal — which it was, for a while. But continuing the past even out of defiance is very different from progressing. Now I think: Why not take advantage of the hormonal changes that age provides to clear our minds, sharpen our senses, and free whole areas of our brains? Even as I celebrate past pleasures, I wonder: Did I sometimes confuse sex with aerobics?
I’d love to hear from you about any of these or related topics. Please chime in!
North Bay Bohemian: Birds, Bees, and Oldsters Do It
Thanks to Cole Porter, we know that birds do it, bees do it, even overeducated fleas do it. Well, apparently oldsters do it, too.
Happy Valentine’s Day! I was delighted to be profiled in the North Bay Bohemian‘s 2007 Sex Issue in a lively article by Brett Ascarelli titled “Certain Age.” Here are some excerpts:
Last fall, ABC Nightline sent a crew to Sebastopol to interview author Joan Price about seniors, sex and dating. Price, a former high school teacher turned fitness author and guru, fell in love a few years ago, drawing media attention when she claimed that she was having the best sex of her life. In 2006, she released Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty (Seal Press; $15.95), already in its second printing. The book features interviews with “sexually seasoned women,” experts’ advice about keeping the nethers in shape and Price’s own musings on the challenges of being a sexy senior. The book’s popularity spawned a related blog, in which Price moderates discussions about sex for the mature set.
One recent afternoon at her Sebastopol house, the 4’11” Price is wearing a rhinestone-covered blouse and Mary Janes. No wonder she’s getting some; at 63, she’s super-fit, thanks to a frequent work-out regimen and what must still be damn good metabolism, given the chocolate cookies she’s munching.
… Price is a poster-adult for the cause and now fields sex-related questions from mature adults at workshops across the country.
“I call myself an advocate for ageless sexuality,” Price laughs, “but maybe I’m trying to do more than that: I’m trying to change society one mind at a time, I guess.”
Ascarelli, a young woman, took to heart my comments about the need for society to change its ageist attitude toward sex. She quoted me saying, “I think it will be easier [for women in the future], especially if younger people pay attention to what we’re going through now and don’t see us as the Other, but just as themselves in a few decades.”
photo by Brett Ascarelli
Does Her Past Sex Life Matter?
Don, age 73, who read Better Than I Ever Expected, wrote this email:
A question for Robert Rice. I need your help. Like you I have re-entered the world of two people in the same house after 5 years of no one, and like your Lady, my Lady has had a very active sex life in the period before our meeting. The question is this…how do you deal with that? Do you think about the other men that were before you? I understand that at our age it shouldn’t be an issue but I find myself wondering how I “stack up” to the others. I don’t want to ask, I feel that would be crossing the line. Should I just accept the fact that we are together and that’s the end of it? Tell me how you deal with it… and thank you !
Robert replies to Don:
Don, in response to the question that you asked me, I understand where you’re coming from. I used to worry about this myself. I am fortunate to have someone who assures me that I am the one she loves. This assurance comes in many ways, and sometimes it’s up to me to see and recognize it. This gives me great freedom to let go of worrying about what has happened before.
Since we learn from all our previous sexual experiences what we want and like, and what we don’t, this sexual learning necessarily includes all past lovers. A couple of Joan’s past lovers are now our mutual friends, and both of us get along well with the other’s ex-spouse.
The question whether we measure up to other guys who have had sex with our partner and question whether we are good enough, or big enough, etc., I am told — and believe — it’s much more a male concern than female. In any case, I have come to believe that authentic expression of love and the ability to be playful and experimental seem to be the most reliable ingredients for successful sex, rather than focusing on measuring up (which can only be unknown anyway).
It seems to me that you answered your own question in your last statement about accepting the fact that you are together. That says a lot! It sounds like you’re on the right track!
I hope this helps with your concern.
Joan replies to Don:
When I fell in love with Robert, it didn’t matter to me whom I had bedded before and what I had experienced with anyone else. All that surfaced in my mind was how powerful my bond was with this man I loved. Remember our primary sex organ is our brain. For me, my previous experience was a good thing, because I was done with needing to experiment, and I knew whom/what I wanted, sexually and emotionally. I’ll bet your special lady would tell you the same.
Have other readers dealt with this situation? What do you think about Don’s question? I invite you to comment.
— Joan
Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty workshop at Good Vibrations
Last night I presented my “Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty” workshop at Good Vibrations in Berkeley. Despite a horrible storm, ten women arrived, shed their soggy raincoats and their inhibitions, and spent two hours in a circle sharing questions, stories and concerns. Soon these women who hadn’t known each other’s names an hour before were revealing intimate details about their libidos (or lack of such) and relationships in the spirit of women’s community that is one of the great joys of this work I’m doing.Some of the women had never been inside a sexuality shop before, and they were pleasantly surprised at the friendliness, frankness, and accessibility of the store and the wonderful people who work there. Besides talking, we laughed as we turned on vibrators and ran them over the delicate and responsive skin of our wrists, spread lubricant over our hands, and tried lying on the wedge pillow!
The evaluations were very positive and appreciative of the openness, warmth, and personal sharing that took place, including my own personal disclosures. (There’s nothing I won’t answer!) The one recurring criticism was “not enough time” — I’ll have to rethink whether two hours is enough.
My next workshop is in Chicago, details here:
Sunday, March 5, 7– 9 pm, Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty workshop at Early to Bed, 5232 N Sheridan Rd, Chicago, IL, 773-271-1219, toll-free 866-585-2BED. $20.