Tom, 55, “My wife had her first orgasm in six years”

Tom, age 55, wrote me a beautiful account of how he and his wife rediscovered their intimacy and sexual pleasure after a combination of health issues and medications left his wife unable to have orgasms. She was taking blood pressure medicine and antidepressants, and had stopped hormone replacement therapy. Tom had his own health issues, including low metabolism and testosterone levels. Combined with his wife’s lack of lubrication, decreased sensation, and anxiety, “our sex life seemed to be drying up.”

We slowly reached the point where we decided we needed to fix the situation. We started taking more time in our lovemaking and trying different lubricants, and that did work much better for us. I also bought your book Better Than I ever Expected, and it has been very helpful.

However, I found that when we had romantic weekends, I would occasionally have problems maintaining my erection. That had never happened before and was really stressful, so I now use Levitra to have confidence that I can be erect. The effects of Levitra seem to linger, so I don’t feel like I need to take it right before lovemaking. I can take it anywhere from one to 12 hours ahead of time and it still works for me.

Unfortunately, no amount of foreplay, oral or manual stimulation was able to bring about an orgasm in my wife. This was really frustrating to me, since I felt that our lovemaking was too one-sided. I think it maybe bothered me more than my wife. In the past, I was very good at knowing her body and her response and I could bring about very nice orgasms by a combination of oral and manual massaging.

So, after reading your book, and doing some additional reading and research, I spent $225 on an Eroscillator. We had never experimented with sex toys, so I wanted to get something that looked like it would be effective, and this seemed to have the recommendations and documentation to back it up.

What a difference! The first time we tried it, we spent some time together getting warmed up, and I used the soft fingertip attachment on her. My wife had her first orgasm in six years within just a few minutes, and she cried in my arms afterwards. This has made a huge difference in our lovemaking, and my wife now has very strong orgasms.

We are still trying to figure out the best way to work it into our lovemaking, we had never used any vibrators or sex toys before. I love it because I now can be sure that I can please her, and I want her to be able to come first. I like it because it is nearly silent, and very effective.

“soft fingertip”

Thank you, Tom, for your candor and for the details that will help other people in the same situation. As you know, I’ve been a fan of the Eroscillator (the soft fingertip attachment is my favorite, too!), and I found my own eyes starting to water when I read about your wife crying in your arms after her first orgasm in six years. As for how to work it into your lovemaking, the woman can hold it and use it for clitoral stimulation while her partner is caressing and arousing her manually, and she can also use it during intercourse, depending on the position.

“What would you tell others in your situation?” I asked Tom.

I would just tell others that there are ways to make things better. Talking with doctors and counselors can help, but I think that the familiarity of their doctors with sexual issues may be lacking, so specialists may be needed. I do know from personal experience how difficult it is to go to a doctor and ask for help on sexual matters. Requesting a prescription for Levitra was a very tough thing to do, so I can imagine that talking about more difficult issues can be very hard.

Fortunately, with some effort, the Internet can be a good source for information. That is where I learned about your book and blog, and I also picked up Dr. Ruth’s book. I also used it to search for different lubricants to try and learn about the Eroscillator. Especially for people who are not in a major city the Internet is a great tool.



  1. Caroline on February 12, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    I have the Erocillator and paid the cash… and I've never been so happy! It's the one vibrator that helps me reach orgasm where the other ones just haven't been to do the job. My lover and I are able to use it together which is great since I need it to climax nowadays. Thank God he's an angel and enjoys the play together rather than feeling replaced.

    I can't speak enough praise for this vibrator.

  2. C4bl3Fl4m3 on December 27, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    I’ll admit I don’t know much about sexuality in older adults (I haven’t gotten there yet), however, I do know that $225 seems to be a lot for a vibrator. I’ve had the chance to play with it in a fantastic sex boutique in NYC, and I wasn’t that impressed.

    A LOT of women get off using a Hitachi Magic Wand, the Cadillac of vibrators, and it’s only around $80 or less! This includes a lot of happy women who haven’t been able to get off any other way. I’d give it a go before going out and buying a $225 vibrator.

    Great blog… keep up the great work!

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