Dreaming of Robert

Last night I dreamed of Robert for the first time since he died. I had wished to dream of him, to see him again.

In my dream, I was sleeping and woke to find his naked body — strong, no back fractures — beside me. I sidled into his embrace, inhaling his scent (which I always loved, and which was vividly real in the dream!). Oh, he’s just been away on a trip! I thought, trying to make sense of his beautiful body beside me.
Suddenly I started to sob to him, “I can’t bear being apart from you! Let’s stay together for the rest of our lives!””Yes,” he answered quietly.I looked into his dear face. He was gazing at me intently, lovingly.”But how did you get here?” I asked him, suddenly thinking that our house was a long way from the airport. “I have your car!”He looked at me puzzled and perhaps amused. Then he started to fade away and I woke up.
(photos by Robert’s son, Mitch Rice)


  1. Don West on December 13, 2008 at 4:01 am

    I just found your site as I am 50, male, and single again. I am touched by this entry. It’s wonderful that these dreams actually do occur. I wish the best for you, I know it is very difficult. One can fear love and closeness and intimacy and be somewhat distant from it in a relationship. Thus making a potential loss easier to bear…if it ever happens. But so much is not experienced if one chooses to protect one’s heart that way! You two did it right. Rest in that and rejoice in having risked true love. Know too that you are still loved.

  2. June Shaw on October 11, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    How touching, Joan. I’m glad that his scent and his touch returned to you, if only for a while.

    June Shaw, http://www.juneshaw.com
    KILLER COUSINS – January 2009

  3. ClaireWalter on September 14, 2008 at 5:55 pm

    What a sweet dream. Joan.

  4. Jaliya on September 14, 2008 at 6:01 am

    Oh, those dreams…they bring it all back, don’t they…

    My beloved spiritual mother had a dream of visiting her recently-deceased husband in hospital. She was almost frantic with worry as she approached his room … and she found him perusing a newspaper. He’d been a true philospher in life — he was especially drawn to the ancient Greeks. Somehow, my Baka knew that he was dead in the dream, even as he sat up in bed, glasses perched on his nose. He gazed at her with profound kindness, and said, “Don’t worry about me … I’m with my Greeks …”

    I’m so glad you felt and sensed so much in your dream. It’s those immediate, sensory memories that both unhinge and lull us … I still remember the scent of sunlight on my friend B’s freckled skin, and he died nearly 14 years ago… and I had a dream about my mother a few months after she died; she simply offered to make me a cup of tea and run me a bath … What a gentle, sweet gift…

    Thinking on you, Joan xo

  5. Toni on September 12, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    Joan, how beautiful that your dream brought Robert’s body, scent, and love back to you so vividly. Dreams like this are gifts from our subconscious, helping us make it though difficult times and keeping previous memories alive. I wish you more wonderful dreams!

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