Posts by Joan Price
Ottawa Sun: “right into the nitty-gritty”
I love this article by lifestyle columnist Ann Marie McQueen in the Ottawa Sun today!
Ageless Sex Advice
Author touting the benefits of nookie after 60 during stop at local adult shop
By Ann Marie McQueen, Ottawa Sun
After I suggest to California author Joan Price she seems to have landed the world’s greatest sixtysomething man — scratch that, the greatest man of any age — she launches right into the nitty-gritty.
They’re out there, says the author of Better Than I Expected:Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty, who is coming to Ottawa this weekend to give two workshops on the topic at downtown sex shop Venus Envy.
The men she speaks of, like her Robert, came of age in the 1960s too, and many of them want to be with their female contemporaries, want to find ways to make sex good with them, no matter what their aging bodies say about it, says Price.
She gathers steam as she describes such men, who will listen as women say things like, “let’s see what we can do about my thinning vaginal tissues, about my lack of lubrication.”
She stops suddenly.
“This may be too frank for you.”
“No, no,”I say, realizing I had starting chuckling out loud right about the time Price said “thinning vaginal tissues.”
“It’s fine.”
“You all right?”she says once more, sweetly, before forging ahead ” — what can we do about my slow arousal, what can we do about the time it takes to reach orgasm?”
If you are below 50, and before you start going ‘ewwww’ at the priceless Price, it might be time to think about where your own life is headed. That’s right. Straight to 60, and beyond. Might be time to pay attention. And ditch the attitude, such as the kind embodied in Louise Rafkin’s article for the San Francisco Chronicle magazine, headlined “Now that Baby Boomers have discovered there’s sex after 60, could they please stop writing about it?”
It’s not very likely Price is going to do anything of the kind. In fact, she’s made it her mission to speak on it as much, and as frankly, as possible.
“If you want to be a sexual person, you’ve gotta really make a commitment to it, you’ve really gotta say, ‘I’m gonna love my wrinkles, I’m gonna love my sags, I’m gonna love my partner’s wrinkles and sags and we’re gonna find ways to rejuvenate the relationship,’ ” she said.
While the one-time English teacher, fitness professional and author was penning Better, Gail Sheehy would be building on the success of her book Passages 30 years ago with Sex and the Seasoned Woman, which was all over the morning TV shows, Internet and newspapers when it came out in January.
Fitting, really, considering Price blames the media for the dim light cast on aging women.
“It has never portrayed the older woman as sexy, understanding herself, self-confident, self-knowledgeable, self-affirming and that that’s a good thing,” says the California-based Price.
If women are shown as sexual when they are older, it’s either perceived as ground-breaking (Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give) or predatory and pathetic (a turn by actress Holland Taylor on Boston Legal’s predecessor The Practice). They are invisible in magazines, says Price, who is determined to build on the current wave of awareness.
“I want it to seem normal for one,” she says, “and I want people who have not come out of the woodwork to talk about it, and they are.”
Price’s perky, inspirational book offers not academic theories but practical expertise. It is filled with concrete tips — say, instructions for how to use a vibrator — and she’s-been there-anecdotes about everything from exercise, to hormone replacement therapy.
She’s even delighting in holding her Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty workshops in new-generation adult stores like Venus Envy. Drawing people who’ve never visited them, helping them realize the sex-related treasures they hold, is another of Price’s goals.
“They are places filled with joy and laughter, and the attitude that sensuality and sexuality are great pleasures for us,” she said. “And they are just showing us ways we can enhance those pleasures.”
Price will give two workshops this weekend, each from 6:30-8:30 p.m. Saturday’s is open to women and men, while Sunday’s is limited to women. The cost is $25. For information, call the store at 789-4646.
Shocked by Reactions in Palm Springs
But this time, most people kept their distance when they saw the topic and never opened the book to take a look. Here are some of the comments I heard:
“If I brought this book into the house, my wife would divorce me.”
“No-oo-o, I’m done with sex.”
“I don’t care for men any more and I’m not a lesbian,
so no thanks.”
And from one person who promised to come back later:
“I’ll slip you the money, but I know a lot of people here and I don’t want them to see me buying this book.”
I’d love to hear your comments. Do these reactions surprise you?
Fortunately, there were a few brave souls who broke the mold. A group of three women laughed and they all bought copies. (I asked if it was for their book club!)
One man bought the book for his wife, then returned, worried. “What’s the worst that can happen when my wife reads this?” he asked.
“She might keep you up all night!” I replied.
“Encouraging advice, and a great love story, too”
Toni Goldfarb, medical writer and co-author of the American Lung Association’s 7 Steps to a Smoke-Free Life, wrote such a stirring customer review of my book on Amazon.com that I asked her permission to reprint it here. Thank you, Toni!
Encouraging advice, and a great love story, too
If you’re trying to decide which of the new “sex over 60” books to buy, definitely choose this one. It is not a step-by-step “how to” book that might offend people, although it does cover every aspect of sexual activity–married, single, solo, gay, straight, young, old, one-night, long-term (50 years and even longer). Instead, the book provides practical, encouraging advice from experts and from ordinary women about the joys of loving relationships, dealing with sexual problems of menopause, loss of interest in sex (or your partner’s loss of interest and/or ability), how to approach sex with a new partner, helpful exercises, and even a detailed discussion of sex toys and assistive devices. (I thought these were only for “adventurous” couples, but the book explains how they can make sex possible and more enjoyable for older people).
Plus, this book is also a beautiful love story which could stand on its own, even without all the excellent sex information. The writer chronicles her many relationships, from her first teenage romance (You’ll be furious to learn how her father broke up what might have been a lasting relationship), to a succession of sexual affairs, including a short failed marriage. It’s easy to see why she had given up on finding true love. But she never gave up on having an active, fulfilling life as a dance and exercise instructor, despite two devastating auto accidents that left her with many scars and lasting injuries.
And then, magic! In the form of a trim, gray-haired, older man she spots in one of her dance classes. These are true-to-life 60-plus people, not wrinkle-free, gorgeous-body super models, but the story of how their love and sexual relationship blossomed is a real page turner. And be prepared for a few tears when you come to a troubling revelation near the end of the story.This is a thought-provoking, informative, encouraging book you’ll definitely want to share with friends.
Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty workshop at Good Vibrations
Last night I presented my “Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty” workshop at Good Vibrations in Berkeley. Despite a horrible storm, ten women arrived, shed their soggy raincoats and their inhibitions, and spent two hours in a circle sharing questions, stories and concerns. Soon these women who hadn’t known each other’s names an hour before were revealing intimate details about their libidos (or lack of such) and relationships in the spirit of women’s community that is one of the great joys of this work I’m doing.Some of the women had never been inside a sexuality shop before, and they were pleasantly surprised at the friendliness, frankness, and accessibility of the store and the wonderful people who work there. Besides talking, we laughed as we turned on vibrators and ran them over the delicate and responsive skin of our wrists, spread lubricant over our hands, and tried lying on the wedge pillow!
The evaluations were very positive and appreciative of the openness, warmth, and personal sharing that took place, including my own personal disclosures. (There’s nothing I won’t answer!) The one recurring criticism was “not enough time” — I’ll have to rethink whether two hours is enough.
My next workshop is in Chicago, details here:
Sunday, March 5, 7– 9 pm, Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty workshop at Early to Bed, 5232 N Sheridan Rd, Chicago, IL, 773-271-1219, toll-free 866-585-2BED. $20.