Posts Tagged ‘books’
Ageless Erotica!
Ageless Erotica is now available! Follow this link to buy it at a very good price from Amazon. (Please post a reader comment on Amazon after you’ve read it, ok?) I have copies for sale now, too, and I’ll be happy to sign them – click button at the bottom of this page .
Your independent bookstore should have their copies soon — request it and they’ll notify you. The book will also be available in e-book format very soon.
Ageless Erotica
Seal Press, 2013
What would it look like if talented writers over age fifty wrote erotica featuring steamy, sexy characters who were also over fifty? Now we know. Ageless Erotica is a ground-breaking anthology of erotic short stories and memoir essays presenting women and men, couples and singles, straight and gay, who are over fifty, sixty, seventy, and beyond – all enjoying and sharing their erotic moments.
This is not your usual erotica with a few wrinkles slapped on — these are stories that show how hot sex can be at our age. This collection embraces the agelessness of sexuality while still realistically acknowledging the changes that accompany aging.
Ageless Erotica is a stimulating celebration of the many pleasures of “well-seasoned” sex. In this anthology, age is accepted, celebrated, and sensually enjoyed. Some selections are tender and loving, while others are edgy and kinky. Characters may be having spicy sex with partners they have loved for decades; or with new loves, old loves reunited, or forbidden partners; or solo with fantasies. Ageless Erotica has it all, portraying older-age sexuality as healthy, lusty, and glorious.
TO BED by Erobintica
SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING BLUE by Nancy Weber
DOLORES PARK by Dale Chase
INVITATION TO LUNCH by Donna George Storey
OTHER PEOPLE’S STUFF by Susan St. Aubin
LADY BELLA by I.G. Frederick
HAND JOBS by Kate Dominic
SMOOTH AND SLIPPERY by Doug Harrison
TONY TEMPO by Tsaurah Litzky
BETTER THAN VIBRATORS by Cheri Crystal
AFTER TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS by Dorothy Freed
MY NEW VAGINA by Audrienne Roberts Womack
TRAIN RIDE by Harris Tweed
AT THE WANE OF THE MOON by Bill Noble
PEAS IN A POD by Maryn Blackburn
ENDLESS PRAISE, TIMELESS LOVE by Linda Poelzl
THE HOTEL LOUNGE by Skyler Karadan
COMING FULL CIRCLE by Cela Winter
GEORGE by Lorna Lee
IN THE MEANTIME by Miriam Kura
MR. SMITH, MS. JONES WILL SEE YOU NOW by D.L. King
JAGUAR DREAMS by Evvy Lynn
TOAST FOR BREAKFAST by Cheyenne Blue
BY THE BOOK by Rae Padilla Francoeur
BLIND, NOT DEAD by Johnny Dragona
AFTER DINNER EUPHORIA by Peter Baltensperger
THE WACKY IRAQI, THE SHAMAN LOVER, AND ME by Erica Manfred
BEYOND THE DOUBLE DOORS by Sue Katz
MORNING by Belle Burroughs Shepherd
Media, book reviewers, bloggers: If you’d like to review Ageless Erotica or interview Joan Price, please email Joan.
To purchase your autographed copy of Ageless Erotica directly from Joan Price via PayPal for $16 plus shipping, please click below.Autograph to… (name)?
Practically Sexless Marriage? Laurie Watson Advises
“Brad” wrote to me because he and his wife “Angie” are in a practically sexless marriage. I consulted AASECT-certified sex therapist Laurie Watson, author of Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage, to offer some advice. Obviously the couple’s problems are too complex to solve with one blog post, but I hope that Laurie Watson’s advice and, her book can help Brad and Angie take the first steps towards developing a sexually vibrant relationship.
other hand, have offered and made myself available to her sexually. Despite being willing to attend to her needs, she has rarely reciprocated that willingness. 95% of my sexual release throughout my sexual history has come from masturbation.
small house for financial reasons.) When I ask how I could help resolve these issues or make suggestions for solutions, she generally discounts them or said she’s at a loss about what to do.
depressed, too. We’ve always struggled financially. I lost my job during the recent recession and was out of work for over a year. I am now working full-time but my wages are substantially lower.
I want to turn things around, if it’s not too late. I feel as if I’m running out of time. How do I go about improving the passion and sensuality between us? I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that the only person I can work on is me. I cannot offer advice or solutions where it will not be wanted or accepted.
In marriage, often one spouse is the pursuer, easily expressing needs, wishing for closeness, attention, and sex. The other spouse becomes a distancer, wishing for more space. Distancers often feel smothered by pursuers, who, in turn, feel starved by distancers. It can become a tug-of-war. Sexually, it can feel desperate. Examining the ways you have balanced closeness and distance might start to change things between you.
You both had an enjoyable sexual experience in a hotel, away from home, boomerang adult kids, bills, and the endless call of things to do. I congratulate you on finding a formula for great sex. As often as you can afford it, schedule a hotel rendezvous and indulge in relaxing, satisfying sex.
You’d like Angie to initiate sex and show that she desires you. Like many women, she may be more receptive, willing to be convinced, but not to initiate. Your wife may need your male energy and urgency to get her started.
Yet now more than ever, you need the reassurance that you are virile and desired after prostate cancer. How to do this without crowding the space between you and making her back up?
Try being a great seducer! The hotel adventure probably worked because you initiated a creative space for relaxation, intimacy, and sex. The chase and seduction are a good part of the turn-on. Often a woman’s craving for sex doesn’t kick in until about halfway through the experience. Then suddenly her aroused body says, “Yes, I do want sex!”
Men shouldn’t be responsible for all the work on the sexual relationship, though. Women can prompt themselves with fantasies, anticipation, and memories of exciting past love-making sessions, coming to bed mentally primed for arousal.
Prostate cancer brings its own set of challenges. Luckily, you still have desire and you still have some erectile ability. The sooner men start on penile rehabilitation post-surgery, the better their eventual outcome. Your deep pelvic pain, more common immediately post-surgery, absolutely necessitates a visit to the doctor to rule out infection, inflammation, kidney problems, and nerve damage. You may also need treatment from a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic pain.
Culturally, men are conditioned that they are good lovers if they have big, strong erections. But most women do not experience climax through penetration – only 15-20% ever do in intercourse. You can be a satisfying lover with manual and oral stimulation. With enough stimulation, men can reach orgasm with or without an erection – those are completely separate functions.
You have mentioned that your wife struggles with depression, as do you. It would be good if you both saw a therapist, seeking treatment for depression as well as your relationship issues. Even a single consultation would help a therapist see where you are stuck as a couple and guide you.
— Laurie Watson, LMFT, LPC, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, is the author of Wanting Sex Again – How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage. She blogs for Psychology Today Online in Married and Still Doing It. Laurie guest lectures at the medical schools for Duke and UNC Chapel Hill on sexual function/dysfunction. Director of Awakenings – Center for Intimacy and Sexuality in Raleigh, she maintains a full-time clinical practice.
Penis Power: Interview with Dudley Danoff
Urologist Dudley S. Danoff, MD, FACS, is the author of Penis Power: The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health (Del Monaco Press, 2011). It’s an upbeat and even entertaining guide to the complexities, myths, facts, and vagaries of owning a penis (or, in my case, liking penises and being endlessly fascinated by them). Dr. Danoff covers how they work and what’s going on when they don’t work—psychologically as well as physiologically.
My male readers often write me with age-related questions about their penises: what’s a “normal” change with age vs. what’s a medical problem, how they can deal with erection difficulties, how to negotiate new needs and issues with a partner. “We are tragically ill-informed about the penis,” says Dr. Danoff, and he aims to change that.
Although this book is not specifically aimed at our age group, all of it applies to us, and I guarantee you’ll say, “I didn’t know that” several times as you read, even if you’ve owned a penis for 50, 60, or 70 years.
I invited Dr. Danoff to answer questions that specifically address men age 60+ and the women in their lives. I welcome your comments.
Q: What is your big message to our older men?
A: Sex is good for you. It maintains overall physical strength and cardiovascular health, and most of all, it keeps you invigorated. A man’s penis is there to serve him from puberty to old age.
Q: What are the most common misunderstandings that men age 60+ have about their penises or about their sexuality in general? What do you wish all men knew as they aged?
A: By far, the most frequent complaint I hear from men is that they do not have the same level of sexual desire they used to have. It takes longer to get an erection, it takes longer to ejaculate, it takes longer to get aroused again after they make love, and their erections are not as firm. These conditions are all predictable changes that occur as men get older.
Attitude is the key to penis longevity. My super-potent patients tell me that sex gives them as much joy at 70 as it did at 20. Some say the sex is even better! Equal pleasure can be obtained from occasional, prolonged intercourse with one orgasm as with frequent, rapid intercourse with multiple orgasms.
All men, as they age, deserve active, healthy sex lives as long as they remain physically fit. Do not expect to do at 60 what you did at 40. Adjust your sexual activities as your body changes, just as you adjust other activities. Look upon the adjustment as both a new challenge and a new opportunity.
As you age, learn to use your mind and imagination to make up in creativity what you may lack in physical strength. As long as you are able to breathe, move your extremities, maintain relative control over your bodily functions, remain alert enough to identify the date and day of the week, and sustain a positive mental outlook, you can continue to exercise your penis power indefinitely.
Q: What would you say to many men age 60+ who tell me that they don’t get good information or direction from their urologists when they report undependable or nonexistent erections? They are commonly told, “Well, you’re older now,” or “It’s ED,” without a medical workup to see whether some underlying condition is causing the ED.
A: Find another urologist who is knowledgeable about erectile dysfunction and is willing and able to thoroughly evaluate you. A comprehensive evaluation, including a full cardiovascular evaluation, by a qualified urologist is essential. Endocrine issues, such as low testosterone or unrecognized diabetes, can then be treated, and erectile dysfunction will improve. Knowledge is power. There are many treatments on the urologic menu for erectile dysfunction, but first you need a proper diagnosis to identify the underlying cause. Treatment is both available and effective in almost all cases and will result in satisfactory erections.
Q: Many men would rather sever their own leg than admit to a doctor that they are experiencing erectile difficulties. Why is it important to see a doctor before self-treating with drugs or other assists?
A: Many serious medical conditions that are first manifested by erectile difficulties go unrecognized. It is absolutely essential to get a full evaluation by a qualified urologist in all cases of erectile dysfunction in order to determine the presence or absence of some serious (or not so serious) medical problem and treat it accordingly. For example, if low serum testosterone is found, testosterone replacement therapy can give spectacular results. Under no circumstances should a man self-treat his erectile dysfunction with over-the-counter preparations without first determining the presence or absence of an underlying medical condition that is correctable.
Q: How can women enhance their partner’s and their own sexual pleasure when erections and intercourse are not the main events?
A: Most importantly, do not think old! Sexual pleasure is all about attitude. If your mind is strong and your partner’s mind is strong, intimacy and sex without vaginal penetration can be enormously pleasurable. The key is not to lament what you have lost. Be grateful for what you still have and make the most of it. Age is not a deterrent to great sex. Rather, it is a challenge and an opportunity.
If you keep your enthusiasm, you can compensate for or even delay the effects of aging. You do not stop having sex because you are old—you get old because you stop having sex! Talking candidly with your partner about aging is the best way to find a solution for maintaining a healthy sex life.
Q: What else do you want women to understand about their male partners?
A: Older men are just as penocentric as younger men are, even though capacity may be diminished. I would encourage older women to become more “penis oriented.” Older women who are penis oriented have more fun and also have better marriages, more faithful partners, and greater personal fulfillment in all aspects of their lives. If you believe that each partner has the mutual responsibility to satisfy the other’s needs, then it follows that you will hold up your end of the bargain as a woman by making your partner’s penis one of your top priorities.
Being penis oriented does not imply a belittlement of female sexuality. It simply means learning to understand and accommodate an older man’s penis needs by approaching that task with all of the pride and skill that you would bring to any other endeavor. I assure the older woman that if you take the steps to become informed, you and your man will reap rewards you have only dreamed about.
Images are from Penis Power: The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health by Dudley Seth Danoff, MD. ©2011 Dudley Seth Danoff. Reprinted by permission of Dudley Seth Danoff. Copies of the book are available at your local bookstore or may be ordered through Amazon.com.
Healing Painful Sex: Interview with Deborah Coady, MD
I was happy to receive a review copy of Healing Painful Sex: A Woman’s Guide to Confronting, Diagnosing, and Treating Sexual Pain by Deborah Coady, MD and Nancy Fish, MSW, MPH. This book is entirely devoted to sexual pain in women: the myriad possible causes, how to figure out which one or combination is yours, and what to do about it.
The authors are a power team: Deborah Coady is a gynecologist and a pelvic/vulvar pain specialist. Nancy Fish is a therapist with degrees in social work and public health, and she personally experienced chronic pelvic pain until Dr. Coady helped her resolve it. I asked Dr. Coady if she would answer some questions that women our age often ask me:
Q. Many older women are reluctant to ask their gynecologists about sexual pain because a) they’re embarrassed, b) they think this is part of aging, and c) they fear their doctors will be dismissive. What would you say to these women?
A: These feelings and fears are completely understandable. Unfortunately, the medical profession has until now given too little attention to the sexual concerns of women as we get older. Women often are dismissed or rushed when they bring up their problems. And this is not the fault of the patients: A recent survey of gynecologists by Stacey Lindau, MD of the University of Chicago hints to their discomfort, as well as their lack of experience and formal training in this area of medicine. While 60% responded that they did ask about sexual problems at the first visit, only 14% asked about pleasure with sexual activity. It is often up to women themselves to be pro-active, ask the hard questions, and remember that they are entitled to medical therapy for this medical problem, or referral to an MD who can help.
Q. My readers sometimes report that after a long time without sex (due to lack of a partner or disinterest from a partner), they try to have sex again — and they can’t: It’s too painful. What should a woman do about this?
A: On average, about 5-6 years after their last menses, most women develop thinning of their vulvar and vaginal tissues, often causing pain with sexual touching or intercourse, or with urination after sexual activity, or itching, burning and even surface bleeding after sex. This can occur even in women taking systemic estrogen therapy. As estrogen levels decline both the surface skin and underlying connective tissues thin, shrink, and lose elasticity. Most pain is actually located at the vaginal opening itself, rather than deep inside the vagina as previously thought. The good news is that since these tissues are exquisitely hormonally sensitive, even small doses of estrogen, with or without testosterone or DHEA, applied to the vaginal opening (the vestibule), can reverse these changes within 2-4 weeks, and then even lower doses can be used to maintain the improvement. Some women with severe loss of elasticity will also be helped by a course of pelvic floor manual physical therapy, to help
normalize the connective tissue, and relieve the reflexive muscle spasms that some women develop due to their pain.
Q. I like your questionnaire (107-111) because women often don’t know how to pin down just where and what the pain is that they’re experiencing. I recommend that women scan or photocopy that questionnaire to show their medical professionals. Would it be a good idea to
carry a copy of Healing Painful Sex to the appointment, too, in case the doc hasn’t heard of your book?
A: One of our missions in writing the book is that women would have it as a resource to get their gynecologists informed and up to speed on treating sexual pain. Many patients have done just this, and their MDs have actually been grateful for the introduction to the book.
Q. If a gynecologist says, “You just need lubricant” or – worse! – “Well, at your age, you can expect that,” what should an older woman say to get diagnosis and treatment? I tell women to say, “If you don’t know how to help me, please refer me to someone who does,” but that might
seem more confrontational than you would recommend! What would you advise her to say?
A: I would advise her to say exactly that. We have to advocate for ourselves and we deserve up-to-date treatment for sexual pain. A healthy
sexual life is a basic human right, even defined as so by the World Health Organization!
Q. How can a post-menopausal woman weigh the benefits of HRT vs. the health risks if she’s experiencing vaginal thinning and tearing?
A: There is absolutely no evidence that the small amount of estradiol or estriol available for use at the vaginal opening is absorbed to any degree that would induce breast cancer. The doses are tiny compared to HRT doses that are meant to be systemic, that is, to go to all parts of the body. To help hot flashes the doses need to reach the brain in quantities much much higher than the topical estrogen will ever give. And with the evidence now showing that estrogen alone does not increase the risk of breast cancer anyway, women can be assured that topical therapy, especially if mostly applied to the vaginal opening, is safe. It is also now known that the thicker and more estrogenized the vulvar and vaginal tissues are, the less absorption into the body. So a stable constant regimen is better than going on and off the topicals, with the tissues thinning again in between.
Q. How do we educate our medical professionals to stop being dismissive and take our sexuality seriously, whether we’re 60, 70, or 80?
A: This is a work in progress, but educational outreach through professional societies like NAMS, the International Pelvic Pain Society (IPPS), and the International Society for the Study Of Vulvovaginal Disorders (ISSVD), as well as patient advocacy organizations, especially the National Vulvodynia Association (NVA) is helping. The websites of these societies all list health professionals by area to help patients find a knowledgeable MD. We also need to devote more time to formal education on sexuality and pain in medical schools and residency programs.
As always, I welcome your comments. If you’re experiencing pain with sex, I hope you’ll read both Naked at Our Age and Healing Painful Sex. Then please carry both books with you to show your doctor!