#14 of Top Sex Bloggers 2011!

 I’m proud to be #14 of the Top 100 Sex Bloggers 2011, as judged by smart, sassy, sexy Rori, the sex blogger of Between My Sheets, after nominations by the huge sex blogger/sex reader community.

Everyone who blogs about sex hopes to be on this annual list, and I’m proud that this is the third year in a row that this blog has made the cut — in fact it’s been in the top 21 each time.

Of course I find the honor rewarding personally (woo hoo — people read my blog and like it!), but even more, I am gratified that our topic is compelling enough to receive this high ranking among the many hundreds of sex blogs out there.

As far as I know — and I still have to finish reading all the other award winners — this is the only blog that focuses specifically on senior/elder sex, and one of the few in the top 100 that aims to be informative rather than erotic or titillating. Most of the award winners are in-your-face, down-and-dirty, sexually graphic in both writing and photos. That’s cool, they’re fun to read, and I’m not putting them down at all — but my aim here is quite different.

I want this blog to be a resource for senior sex-themed information and viewpoints and a place to go when you want to read about senior sex. I want seniors and elders who grew up when I did to feel comfortable here. I see sexuality as a fascinating subject, even more at this age because it’s so often kept under the covers. I want to normalize talking out loud about senior sex, and in a respectful, informative manner.

Not everyone likes my style. One year, a reader complained that my blog wasn’t “actual sex” and my credibility as a sex blogger was in question because I didn’t describe my own sex acts with partners, if indeed I had any. OK, move on, then.

I’m so happy that Rori and all of you who nominated this blog find it worthy of inclusion in the Top 100,and I thank all of you who read it. I love getting comments, so feel free to post (include your age, if you don’t mind).

Enjoy the Top 100 — but watch out, most of these blogs are not safe for reading at work (unless your work has a sex focus) or around the grandkids!

More about Submitting to the Senior Erotica Anthology

Please read my original Call for Submissions before reading this post.

What a response I’ve received since I posted my Call for Submissions on September 21! Several dozen writers sent me their contact info and author bios to let me know they’re planning to submit by the Feb. 1 deadline. Quite a number of these have already emailed me their stories.

As I read through the early submissions, some are indeed steamy and celebrate senior sensuality while acknowledging the realities that are very different from the way sex (and life!) used to be when we were 20, 30, even 45. The best of these stories are provocative, innovative, and beautifully crafted as well as sexy.

But far too many of the stories I’ve received strike me as youthful erotica with an older chronological age slapped on. No, let’s do something truly different here!

Those of you who are over 50, 60, 70 (and I specifically asked for writers over 50) know that our changed and changing bodies, responses, and need for stimulation are not mirrors of our youth. The dynamics of our relationships are different. The contexts of our lives are different. What we find sexy is different. What takes us over the top is different.

I’m looking for erotica that faces and embraces these changes — erotica that makes us older folks shiver and tingle. Erotica of high literary quality. Erotica unlike what turns on younger readers.

That’s what we don’t find in the bookstore yet. That’s what we want to read! That’s why I proposed this project.

If you’ve already submitted your story and realize now — reading this — that you need to craft it further, please email me to withdraw your submission for now, and re-submit it when it’s ready.

If you’re younger than 50 and won’t be turning 50 by Spring 2013, realize that I’ll give preference to older writers, because one of the aims of this collection is to give older writers a voice.

And if you already did everything I’m asking for, thank you! I’ll be in touch.

Fast Girls: Erotica for Women

Fast Girls: Erotica for Women, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, from Cleis Press, is an anthology about women (not girls, though many are young) who zestily pursue their sexual desires and fantasies, flaunting social norms and going after thrills and sensations with bravado. Whether or not we see ourselves in these women (and mostly I don’t, personally), we can get a vicarious thrill by reading how they go after whatever turns them on: pretend or real whoring, sex with strangers, danger, pain, bondage, submission, domination, you name it.

Yes, but this is a blog about sex and aging. Is anyone in this anthology over 50? Yes — one character — 51-year-old Shirin seduces a much younger classical pianist (who can resist those fingers?) in “Waitng for Beethoven” by Susie Hara. Many other characters could be any age, so if you like imagining them 50+, as I do, you can get away with it.

One writer that I know of– D.L. King–is over 50. Her story “Let’s Dance” is about a woman who seduces an “adorable” young dancing man (we love our dancing men!) from the “vanilla club” dance floor into a cab to her photo studio/home equipped with pulleys and restraints, and introduces him to his fantasy (“Cute Boy was a total bondage slut”) and hers. Though D.L.King doesn’t make a big deal about the narrator’s age, you know she’s older. If dom/sub stories turn you on and you’d like to read a story by King expressly about a man’s 65th birthday gift (think a lifesize crate), read “The Gift” online. Check out her blog, too, for more about King’s books.

I asked D.L. King her views about age and erotica:

My dominant female characters are often my age and their submissive males are usually quite a bit younger, but that isn’t to say I haven’t written the obverse, too. I don’t always do it, but sometimes it’s fun to play with age.

I think erotica is a great way to get the juices flowing. After a while, people tend to lose interest in the same old sex. Erotica’s a great way to explore other options and spice up a relationship. If you read a story that really turns you on, bring it to your partner and see if he or she would like to try it on for size. Erotica can also help to stimulate your own fantasies. Anything that helps you to enjoy your sexuality more can only be a good thing!

I love to do readings and meet readers. Most of the readers who turn up for those events are young. I think many of my contemporaries don’t attend those kinds of events. I wish more would. After all, we’re the original free love generation.

I also asked the editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel, a prolific erotica writer herself, if she thinks that characters who are over 50 will become more common in erotica. She replied:

 

I hope so! I like to see a range of characters, though the ones that cross my desk when I’m editing an anthology tend to skew younger. I’d definitely welcome older characters and in general themes I haven’t seen before or as often in my anthologies. I’m editing two new anthologies now, Obsessed and Women in Lust and if there are older authors or those who simply want to add a little more variety, I encourage you to submit your work.

Let me know if this blog post results in your story being included in one of Rachel’s anthologies, will you?

X: The Erotic Treasury: 40 sexy stories


I took a month to read and savor X: The Erotic Treasury edited by Susie Bright, rationing myself just one or two of the 40 stories a day so I could think about them. This anthology is unusual for several reasons:

1. It’s a beautiful gift book, its cover decorated in a deep, shiny, rich, red pattern that looks almost like brocade, inserted into a fancy, equally decorative, cardboard holder with an “X” cut out.

2. The stories are really well-written. Most erotica just plops the reader into a sex scene, but most of these stories actually have plot development and character nuance.

3. This anthology runs the gamut of sexual preferences and turn-ons. Whether or not a particular story or sex act turns you on personally, it’s a rich collection of what rings people’s chimes.

My sexual tastes are admittedly tame compared to most of the characters in these stories. I don’t personally fantasize about being raped, dominated, gang-banged, or forced to go to the office in a tight corset with painful studs. But even the stories that didn’t turn me on personally were intriguing. I got to see an edgy side of people’s sex urges that I found fascinating. For example, I’ve never had the urge to be penetrated by a shoe (“and then it was inside of me, that perfect leather-covered heel”) or to invite five strangers to come on my face, but I won’t forget these stories anytime soon.

In case you’re wondering, you won’t find characters our age in these stories — most are of the instantly aroused, sopping-wet-panties generation. Bill Noble’s male character in the intricately plotted “Salt” has a gray ponytail, hurray.

Notable is the frequent use of condoms in these stories — hurray again. I’ve often thought that condom use would become more accepted if it was seen as part of erotic foreplay, and these stories play up that angle.

X: The Erotic Treasury is available in hardcover and Kindle edition. Although the hardcover is expensive, it’s a beautiful, spicy gift for your lover or yourself.