Everyone who blogs about sex hopes to be on this annual list, and I’m proud that this is the third year in a row that this blog has made the cut — in fact it’s been in the top 21 each time.
Of course I find the honor rewarding personally (woo hoo — people read my blog and like it!), but even more, I am gratified that our topic is compelling enough to receive this high ranking among the many hundreds of sex blogs out there.
As far as I know — and I still have to finish reading all the other award winners — this is the only blog that focuses specifically on senior/elder sex, and one of the few in the top 100 that aims to be informative rather than erotic or titillating. Most of the award winners are in-your-face, down-and-dirty, sexually graphic in both writing and photos. That’s cool, they’re fun to read, and I’m not putting them down at all — but my aim here is quite different.
I want this blog to be a resource for senior sex-themed information and viewpoints and a place to go when you want to read about senior sex. I want seniors and elders who grew up when I did to feel comfortable here. I see sexuality as a fascinating subject, even more at this age because it’s so often kept under the covers. I want to normalize talking out loud about senior sex, and in a respectful, informative manner.
Not everyone likes my style. One year, a reader complained that my blog wasn’t “actual sex” and my credibility as a sex blogger was in question because I didn’t describe my own sex acts with partners, if indeed I had any. OK, move on, then.
I’m so happy that Rori and all of you who nominated this blog find it worthy of inclusion in the Top 100,and I thank all of you who read it. I love getting comments, so feel free to post (include your age, if you don’t mind).
Enjoy the Top 100 — but watch out, most of these blogs are not safe for reading at work (unless your work has a sex focus) or around the grandkids!
Please read my original Call for Submissions before reading this post.
What a response I’ve received since I posted my Call for Submissions on September 21! Several dozen writers sent me their contact info and author bios to let me know they’re planning to submit by the Feb. 1 deadline. Quite a number of these have already emailed me their stories.
As I read through the early submissions, some are indeed steamy and celebrate senior sensuality while acknowledging the realities that are very different from the way sex (and life!) used to be when we were 20, 30, even 45. The best of these stories are provocative, innovative, and beautifully crafted as well as sexy.
But far too many of the stories I’ve received strike me as youthful erotica with an older chronological age slapped on. No, let’s do something truly different here!
Those of you who are over 50, 60, 70 (and I specifically asked for writers over 50) know that our changed and changing bodies, responses, and need for stimulation are not mirrors of our youth. The dynamics of our relationships are different. The contexts of our lives are different. What we find sexy is different. What takes us over the top is different.
I’m looking for erotica that faces and embraces these changes — erotica that makes us older folks shiver and tingle. Erotica of high literary quality. Erotica unlike what turns on younger readers.
That’s what we don’t find in the bookstore yet. That’s what we want to read! That’s why I proposed this project.
If you’ve already submitted your story and realize now — reading this — that you need to craft it further, please email me to withdraw your submission for now, and re-submit it when it’s ready.
If you’re younger than 50 and won’t be turning 50 by Spring 2013, realize that I’ll give preference to older writers, because one of the aims of this collection is to give older writers a voice.
And if you already did everything I’m asking for, thank you! I’ll be in touch.
Fast Girls: Erotica for Women, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, from Cleis Press, is an anthology about women (not girls, though many are young) who zestily pursue their sexual desires and fantasies, flaunting social norms and going after thrills and sensations with bravado. Whether or not we see ourselves in these women (and mostly I don’t, personally), we can get a vicarious thrill by reading how they go after whatever turns them on: pretend or real whoring, sex with strangers, danger, pain, bondage, submission, domination, you name it.
Yes, but this is a blog about sex and aging. Is anyone in this anthology over 50? Yes — one character — 51-year-old Shirin seduces a much younger classical pianist (who can resist those fingers?) in “Waitng for Beethoven” by Susie Hara. Many other characters could be any age, so if you like imagining them 50+, as I do, you can get away with it.
One writer that I know of– D.L. King–is over 50. Her story “Let’s Dance” is about a woman who seduces an “adorable” young dancing man (we love our dancing men!) from the “vanilla club” dance floor into a cab to her photo studio/home equipped with pulleys and restraints, and introduces him to his fantasy (“Cute Boy was a total bondage slut”) and hers. Though D.L.King doesn’t make a big deal about the narrator’s age, you know she’s older. If dom/sub stories turn you on and you’d like to read a story by King expressly about a man’s 65th birthday gift (think a lifesize crate), read “The Gift” online. Check out her blog, too, for more about King’s books.
I asked D.L. King her views about age and erotica:
My dominant female characters are often my age and their submissive males are usually quite a bit younger, but that isn’t to say I haven’t written the obverse, too. I don’t always do it, but sometimes it’s fun to play with age.
I think erotica is a great way to get the juices flowing. After a while, people tend to lose interest in the same old sex. Erotica’s a great way to explore other options and spice up a relationship. If you read a story that really turns you on, bring it to your partner and see if he or she would like to try it on for size. Erotica can also help to stimulate your own fantasies. Anything that helps you to enjoy your sexuality more can only be a good thing!
I love to do readings and meet readers. Most of the readers who turn up for those events are young. I think many of my contemporaries don’t attend those kinds of events. I wish more would. After all, we’re the original free love generation.
I hope so! I like to see a range of characters, though the ones that cross my desk when I’m editing an anthology tend to skew younger. I’d definitely welcome older characters and in general themes I haven’t seen before or as often in my anthologies. I’m editing two new anthologies now, Obsessed and Women in Lust and if there are older authors or those who simply want to add a little more variety, I encourage you to submit your work.
Let me know if this blog post results in your story being included in one of Rachel’s anthologies, will you?
To my great delight, the nice folks at Natural Contours sent me seven personal massagers to review for you! (No, you can’t have my job.) They’re candy-colorful, smooth, quiet, strong, and beautifully designed for fit and function.
Natural Contours produces high-quality “designer vibes” designed to ergonomically fit the contours of a woman’s body. And they do fit our contours!
For example, the Petite Pink Ribbon (so-named because Natural Contours donates 10% of sales proceeds from to Breast Cancer Action), small as it is, packs quite a vibrational punch as it wraps around the vulva, sending sizzles to the clitoris and the whole, wonderfully sensitive, surrounding area. The Petite fits our contours so well, in fact, that you could just slip it over your hungry parts, hold it there by wearing panties over it, and sit comfortably at the computer writing your blog post with the Petite quietly buzzing away. Ummm.
My favorites of the Natural Contours line are the Ideal and the Liberte. I like to use them together — the Liberte vaginally and the Ideal clitorally. I like that the Liberte is slim with a bigger spot for G-spot stimulation, and the shape and curvature of the handle part make it easy and comfortable to hold while G-spot pulsing. The Ideal is very strong yet easy to hold because of the angle of the handle.
I haven’t covered all of these marvelous products (yet!), but I trust this review will spur you to take a look at the Natural Contours website and try one or more that you’d like to tickle your fancy. (Tell your partner or best buddy what you’d like as a holiday gift!)
If you’d like an erotic film to accompany your vibrator exploration, four films produced by Candida Royalle feature scenes with women a bit older than the usual young-and-perfect actresses you usually see in sexually explicit films. Not our age, you understand, but women we can relate to. Candida Royalle is well known for creating women-friendly erotic films featuring what women like to see, such as foreplay, realistic characters, and a story (imagine that!).