Posts Tagged ‘senior sex aging’
Love and Lust with Bill and Desiree
Lovemaking Tips for Seniors: Funny or Insulting?
A reader sent these Lovemaking Tips for Seniors to me — I don’t know where they came from, though if you know, tell me — I believe in crediting the author always. Please read them and my question to you at the end:
Lovemaking tips for seniors1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.(This was sent [JP’s note: in the original e-mail] in large type so you can read it.)
Now tell me — are these tips funny? Are they insulting — one more example of how our society stereotypes and ridicules seniors who are enthusiastic about sex? You tell me. In my view they’re clever, yes. But knowing how devastating it is to elders who lose their sexual ability without losing their emotional need for sex and intimacy, the tone is cruel. Or am I just a fuddy-duddy with no sense of humor about sex and aging? Educate me, readers. And please put your age on your comment so I see if the reactions are different for older readers.
Elder Sex Romps in German Film
I hope Wolke 9 (Cloud 9) comes to a movie theater near me soon. It’s a German film about a wild sexual affair between Inge, a married woman in her sixties, and Karl, a 74-year-old man who hires Inge to tailor his trousers and then seduces her on the living room floor. Inge also has less passionate sex with her husband of 30 years in the film.
From the photos I’ve seen, the cast is quite ordinary looking — no face-lifts, liposuction, or dashing looks here — and I find this refreshing. Imagine, realistic, illicit sexual romping with wrinkles, sags, and cellulite! You can tell we’re not in Hollywood.
“Of course it was important to me to show that old people don’t just go on bus tours and boat cruises and buy warm blankets,” director Andreas Dresen told a German newspaper. No need for warm blankets in this film, from the sizzling reviewsI’ve read!
Read more about Wolke 9 here, and if you’ve seen it, please post a comment. Does the film have emotional depth?
9/12/08 update: Here’s another interesting review from ABC News in Australia. The reviewer says, in part,
The rare, liver spots-and-all depiction of elderly lovers in the first blush of infatuation has electrified German critics and drawn blanket coverage in the country’s culture pages.
What is sensational about the film is that it features on-top-of-the-covers sex between a sexagenarian grandmother and the 76-year-old object of her affection, as well as between the woman and her husband of 30 years.
Tom, 55, “My wife had her first orgasm in six years”
Tom, age 55, wrote me a beautiful account of how he and his wife rediscovered their intimacy and sexual pleasure after a combination of health issues and medications left his wife unable to have orgasms. She was taking blood pressure medicine and antidepressants, and had stopped hormone replacement therapy. Tom had his own health issues, including low metabolism and testosterone levels. Combined with his wife’s lack of lubrication, decreased sensation, and anxiety, “our sex life seemed to be drying up.”
We slowly reached the point where we decided we needed to fix the situation. We started taking more time in our lovemaking and trying different lubricants, and that did work much better for us. I also bought your book Better Than I ever Expected, and it has been very helpful.
However, I found that when we had romantic weekends, I would occasionally have problems maintaining my erection. That had never happened before and was really stressful, so I now use Levitra to have confidence that I can be erect. The effects of Levitra seem to linger, so I don’t feel like I need to take it right before lovemaking. I can take it anywhere from one to 12 hours ahead of time and it still works for me.
Unfortunately, no amount of foreplay, oral or manual stimulation was able to bring about an orgasm in my wife. This was really frustrating to me, since I felt that our lovemaking was too one-sided. I think it maybe bothered me more than my wife. In the past, I was very good at knowing her body and her response and I could bring about very nice orgasms by a combination of oral and manual massaging.
So, after reading your book, and doing some additional reading and research, I spent $225 on an Eroscillator. We had never experimented with sex toys, so I wanted to get something that looked like it would be effective, and this seemed to have the recommendations and documentation to back it up.
What a difference! The first time we tried it, we spent some time together getting warmed up, and I used the soft fingertip attachment on her. My wife had her first orgasm in six years within just a few minutes, and she cried in my arms afterwards. This has made a huge difference in our lovemaking, and my wife now has very strong orgasms.
We are still trying to figure out the best way to work it into our lovemaking, we had never used any vibrators or sex toys before. I love it because I now can be sure that I can please her, and I want her to be able to come first. I like it because it is nearly silent, and very effective.
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Thank you, Tom, for your candor and for the details that will help other people in the same situation. As you know, I’ve been a fan of the Eroscillator (the soft fingertip attachment is my favorite, too!), and I found my own eyes starting to water when I read about your wife crying in your arms after her first orgasm in six years. As for how to work it into your lovemaking, the woman can hold it and use it for clitoral stimulation while her partner is caressing and arousing her manually, and she can also use it during intercourse, depending on the position.
“What would you tell others in your situation?” I asked Tom.
I would just tell others that there are ways to make things better. Talking with doctors and counselors can help, but I think that the familiarity of their doctors with sexual issues may be lacking, so specialists may be needed. I do know from personal experience how difficult it is to go to a doctor and ask for help on sexual matters. Requesting a prescription for Levitra was a very tough thing to do, so I can imagine that talking about more difficult issues can be very hard.
Fortunately, with some effort, the Internet can be a good source for information. That is where I learned about your book and blog, and I also picked up Dr. Ruth’s book. I also used it to search for different lubricants to try and learn about the Eroscillator. Especially for people who are not in a major city the Internet is a great tool.
