5/6/14: In honor of “Senior Sex Month” and “International Masturbation Month,” I’m moving these tips, originally posted 12/24/10, to the top. We’re not all in sexual relationships, and self-pleasuring is so important at our age! Here are some tips for enjoying hot SOLO senior sex.  

10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex
By Joan Price

Senior sex isn’t just partner sex. Many of us don’t have partners, yet keeping our sexual selves vibrant and health is crucial for many reasons. It’s true that if we don’t use it, we lose it — and that’s true for both women and men.

When we have less hormonal rush to stay sexual, especially if we’re without a partner and maybe blue about that, we can fall into a pattern where we don’t think as much about sexual pleasure, and we don’t give it to ourselves. Arousal and orgasms may feel second-rate and inconsequential, and sometimes just too much trouble.

Instead, let’s see our marvelous bodies as still capable of pleasure, and let’s nurture that. We have the capacity — and the responsibility! — to keep ourselves fully functioning by pleasuring ourselves, discovering what feels good (it may have changed, so don’t assume that of course you know) and what it takes to make our brains and body parts sing. Let’s celebrate that we don’t have to close down just because we’re older and partnerless. Indeed, let’s enjoy what we can offer ourselves.

Here are some tips for bringing the sizzle back to your sex life — on your own!

1. Plan for solo sex. At this time of life, we need slow arousal and gradual build-up. So set aside enough private time to enjoy the journey without rushing. Set up whatever you need for comfort, such as special pillows. Shut off distractions like phone and computer, lock the door, and settle in for pleasure.

2. Enjoy solo sex during high energy times. When do you feel most sexually charged? When you first wake up? After morning coffee and a good poop? Mid-afternoon? That’s when to indulge in a solitary romp, rather than after a meal when you’re digesting or at night when your sensations are shutting down. When you feel the tingle, indulge it!

3. Create your own foreplay. Do sexy things that get you in the mood. Remember hot times with a special lover. Read erotica, play special songs, watch porn (or, if you prefer, a movie with a star who always turns you on), write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a waterproof vibrator into the bath or shower — whatever starts your path to arousal. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your body with lingerie, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight–whatever feels good and puts you in the mood.

4. Use a silky lubricant. Don’t just settle for the drugstore variety — there are many different varieties of lubricants for moisture and slickness that feel great and bring back the joy of friction, whether we’re using our hands or a toy. Experiment to find your favorites. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently.

5. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. Women: try a clitoral vibrator, with or without a dildo, depending whether you like the feeling of a full vagina. (Read the many vibrator reviews on this blog to help you choose.) Men: try a sleeve, cock ring, or prostate stimulator. Lucky for us that sex toys for both genders are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

6. Fantasize. Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners, no limits. Let your brain (your main sex organ!) indulge in whatever arouses you. Be open to whatever comes into your mind, even if it is something you would not do in real life or with someone you consider off limits. No fantasy is “wrong,” and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on. Just go with it.

7. Be physical in daily life. Walking, biking, dancing, yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, and other forms of exercise all enhance blood flow and get you in touch with your own physicality. This translates to your sexual arousal because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. Plus you mentally feel “in your body.”

8. Realize that your solo practice not only gives you pleasure, it’s important for health. Experts recommend at least one orgasm a week for both men and women for genital health and for heart health as well. Weekly orgasms keep the pelvic floor strong and the nerves firing, boost the immune system, and reduce the risk of incontinence, depression, and heart disease. Men – regular orgasms are important for prostate health.

9. If you think you’re not in the mood, do it anyway. It’s too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once we’re out of the habit, it’s harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread tips #1-8, and just do it. You’ll find that the physical arousal will happen, that that will trigger your emotional arousal, and that triggers more physical arousal, until it’s all working just right.

10. Don’t think of solo sex as “settling for” a substitute for partner sex. You’re celebrating your own sexuality, glorying in your body’s capability of pleasing you, and enjoying the journey. This is a gift you can give yourself whenever you want, and isn’t that wonderful?

(These tips are copyright 2010-2011 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from Joan Price. Thank you!)

Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty is available from www.joanprice.com (personally autographed) or from Amazon.

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is available from www.joanprice.com (personally autographed) — be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it — and by clicking the PayPal button below…

Or order from Amazon here.

senior-sex-monthWhat a lovely coincidence! May is “International Masturbation Month,” according to Good Vibrations. It’s also “Senior Sex Month,” thanks to Senior Planet, the senior site that advocates “aging with attitude” and is launching my new “Sex at Our Age” column this month. In this column, I’ll answer reader questions about the realities and challenges of staying sexual in aging bodies.

I love that International Masturbation Month and Senior Sex Month happen at the same time. I propose that we combine the two! We’re not all fortunate enough to be partnered at this time of our lives, and many of us who are in relationships are not having sex with our partners as much as we’d enjoy. Pleasuring ourselves is a way we can stay vigorously sexual, give ourselves wonderful jolts of joy, and enhance our health simultaneously.

Oh? You doubt that solo sex enhances health? Here are just a few of the benefits of sexual activity and orgasm with or without a partner that I list in The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, coming soon from Cleis Press:

• Reduces stress
• Enhances mood
• Strengthens the immune system
• Helps fight infection and disease
• Lowers diastolic blood pressure
• Keeps sex organs healthy
• Improves blood flow
• Helps with sleep
• Relieves headaches and other body aches
• Relieves depression
• Reduces risk of heart disease
• Reduces risk of prostate cancer
• Relieves chronic pain
• Increases blood flow to the brain, increasing mental acuity
• Makes your skin glow
• Relaxes you
• Makes you happier
• Feels really good

Reasons not to self-pleasure? Hmm… Can’t think of any.

And if you need an assist, check out the many dozens of sex toys I’ve reviewed from a senior perspective here — keep scrolling down to “older posts” because there are about a hundred reviews. (Don’t worry, you won’t end up with a list of 100 toys to buy — some of the products are horrid and you’ll just laugh at those reviews. But the wonderful ones? Ah, your body will thank you for adding these to your sexual repertoire!)

My current fave, Palm Power 

Do you remember the Yellow Pages ad that went, “Let your fingers do the walking”? Hello Touch from JimmyJane is the modern version. Now when your fingers “do the walking,” they vibrate the path they take.

Good Vibrations was good enough to send me a sample to review.

Two itty bitty vibrators on stretchy bands fit on your fingers (index and middle, or thumb and index, or however you want). My fingers are small, and the bands fit relatively snugly, which was good for me, but if you have thicker fingers, the bands might be uncomfortably tight.

They’re connected by a thin cord to a power pack on your arm. It takes two AAAA batteries, included. Press the bottom button and your fingertips vibrate; press the top button and they stop. I have no idea why the sleeve is marked with a middle button — there is no middle button.  I had trouble working the buttons until I realized it takes a firm press of the finger in just the right spot, which isn’t always obvious.

The Hello Touch is designed to stimulate clitoris, penis, nipples, G-spot — almost anywhere you want. It isn’t advisable to use it anally — although the bands are tight, you don’t want to risk one sliding off the finger during anal use.

JimmyJane was smart about the instruction booklet. I’m used to getting
booklets with page after page of tiny print in a dozen languages. This
instruction booklet just has illustrations of how to put the thing
together and use it, and they’re very clear. It also comes with a fabric travel bag.

It is a strange contraption indeed. I think you’ll have to get some nervous laughter out of the way before you try it — at least, I did. It’s very unsexy in appearance.

Who cares what it looks like if it works? The problem is that it doesn’t work for me. Not at all.

Oh, it vibrates, but the buzzy vibration is very light, nowhere near what this woman needs. Plus it doesn’t even feel good to me — it’s too easy to pinch the skin or irritate tender tissues with the cord or bands. I would love to know if any of you succeeded in joyful G-spot stimulation with this — I tried and failed.

Was my reaction unusual?  I decided to read a few reviews.
This will doubtlessly change as more sex toy reviewers get hold of it,
but now as I write this, the reviews are on tech gadget sites, and none of the writers
actually used the product — they’re just quoting from the PR and
ruminating about it.

I’m not a snarky reviewer who pans a product entirely if it doesn’t
work for me. Maybe it’s just me. It probably would be more fun during partner play than
solo. And it could work for either clitoral stimulation during
intercourse or solo, if you need just light vibration to get you over
the edge instead of the turbo power I need.

Some toys work fabulously and become favorites; others are okay but not
special. But some — like this one — are just interesting experiments to try
once and put away.

I’d love to know how you like Hello Touch for solo or partner sex. Please comment!

Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending it to me for review, and for always appreciating an honest review.

Hurray, Good Vibrations sent me the We-Vibe Thrill in time for a pre-Valentine’s Day date with myself. This is a dual-action vibrator, which means it stimulates the G-spot internally and the clitoris externally simultaneously. Insert the bulbous part vaginally, position it to your liking with the silver part pressed to your clitoris, and you’ll feel its rumbly vibrations in both places.

I like that the fit is adjustable — the middle part bends easily to conform to your shape. So many rabbit-style vibrators that intend dual stimulation don’t fit right – but the bendy midsection makes this one easy to fit. That said, we’re all different, and no one shape works for everyone.

The Thrill is completely waterproof (as long as it’s not connected to the charger, of course), and I enjoyed wearing it in the shower before settling down to earnest solo play!

Some reviewers report that the handle opening is useless because their fingers don’t fit through it. I have tiny hands and could insert a thumb or finger to the first knuckle, which is all that’s needed.

But you don’t even need to hold it that way — just hold the top of the handle to guide the Thrill into place, and it stays there — hands-free! This is terrific for those of us who have arthritis, carpal tunnel syndrome, or any other reason that gripping a vibrating object is uncomfortable or impossible. It’s also cool for reading erotica or using your hands on a partner while you vibrate!

 The Thrill will appeal to many older women because the thickest part of the insertable section — the
“bulb” — is only 1-1/4″ inches wide and tapered for insertion, and the part that rests in the vaginal opening is extremely slim. Many women won’t need that degree of slimness, but for those who do, it’s ideal.

The controls are easy to find (end of the outside end) and use: just press to start, press to change intensity or pattern, press and hold to turn off. Unlike many vibrators, the controls are out of the way while you use it — you won’t accidentally turn it off.

Here’s what I don’t like: it’s not strong enough for me, even on the highest setting. For some reason, the insertable part seems a bit stronger than the external, clitoral part, which makes no sense to me. I know I can’t expect  Hitachi Magic Wand power, but this was just too subtle. Other reviewers point out that it works well by rocking it, rocking on it, or even sitting on it — but though it feels nice internally, there isn’t enough clitoral stimulation for this old gal.

If you don’t need the intensity that I do, it could be just right for you, though. The multi-speed motor offers eight different modes and intensities. I have simple tastes — I go straight to the strongest, steady vibration. It also does va-va-voom and cha cha patterns if you prefer.

This clever fellow recharges via USB. Attach the magnetic end to the cord, plug the other end into your computer (or other USB charger, like your phone charger, or power adapter), and voila. Or at least, that’s what’s supposed to happen. I found that I had  to keep an eye on it during charging because the magnetic parts separate too easily. There’s no stand — you have to lay it on its side — and it’s easy for the charger to fall right off. So check it frequently.

This may be minor, but the silicone, as smooth and lovely as it feels, picks up every bit of lint in the room. It washes easily, so just wash it right before each use. Be sure to use only water-based lubricant.

All in all, I think the Thrill would be thrilling for a woman who appreciates the hands-free, ergonomic design and likes a slim, insertable toy with simultaneous — though moderate — clitoral stimulation.

We-Vibe 3 Couple's Vibrator - Click to enlargeYou may know the Thrill’s older sister — the We-Vibe 3 couple’s vibrator. This popular toy is for use
during partner sex, providing both vaginal and clitoral stimulation
during intercourse. (One male reviewer reported that this gave him the sensation of having a vibrating lover!)  The Thrill is
similar in concept, design, and body-safe materials, but was designed for solo

Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending me the We-Vibe Thrill.