hey joan im 19 looking for an older granny that i can meet and have a relationship with.how can i do this

This is an actual email I received, similar to others, unfortunately. Instead of simply deleting it, I’m going to answer this question once and for all:

1. I don’t know any sexually inclined women of our age who respond to being perceived as “an older granny.”

2. We grew up being educated to use capital letters at the beginnings of sentences, names, and for the word “I.” Not doing this makes you appear uneducated and/or in too much of a hurry to bother. If you’re in that much of a rush that you can’t press the shift key once in a while, think about what you’re conveying to an older woman as the kind of sexual partner you’d be.

3. You may have found me by skimming my blog, but you obviously didn’t read it carefully or you would have seen the “younger men older women” label, with several posts on this topic. Read them!

For younger men who have a serious and respectful interest in a relationship with an older woman who might be open to you, I’m going to reframe some points I’ve made before:

Get out and do the social activities you enjoy, where you’ll meet women who enjoy the same activities. That way, it’s easy to strart a conversation with a stranger because you already have something in common to talk about.

Once you spy a woman who attracts you, do NOT use the “Hey, you’re hot and I love older women, wanna go to my place?” approach. Instead, open the conversation with comments on the activity you’re sharing or ask her for advice, e.g., depending on where you are and what you’re doing,

(Dance venue:) You’re a really good dancer — would you dance the next one with me?”

(Bookstore:) “Have you read any books by this author?”

(Gym:) “Your workout is obviously working for you — you look terrific. Do you recommend the aerobics classes here?”

(She’s reading a Kindle:) “Oh, you have a Kindle! Do you mind telling me how you like it?

(Park:) “How far does this trail go? Does it loop back or will I get hopelessly lost?”

And so on. I based these examples on activities I do, places I go, and comments that would get my attention and start a conversation. Of course you need to modify the topics by what you’re doing. (I’m only covering face-to-face meetings here — online meetings are entirely different.)

Most important advice of all: You may be hoping to share the sheets with an older woman, but you need to show her that you appreciate her as a person and value more than her genitals. You also need to show her that you’re an interesting person yourself. Remember that her most vital sex organ is her brain, and you’ve got to make contact there first.

I get frequent emails from men age 19-40+ who are attracted to women age 50-70+. They ask me how to meet women who might be open to a relationship with a much younger man.

I also hear from women who are surprised by — and welcome! — a younger man’s interest, and others who would rather not date someone younger than their son. An example in that last camp is “Granny B” who describes her blog this way:

GrannyBoogies on the highway of life!
The life and adventures of a senior woman looking for her last Love. Is there sex after 70? Do senior dating services work? Will Granny find her soul mate?

Granny B recently posted about being pursued by a younger man via an online dating site. I posted this comment on her blog:

On my blog about sex and aging, I hear from younger men all the time who are attracted to older women and ask how to connect with them. These men say they value the woman’s experience, self-knowledge, ease of communication in and out of bed. If you’re honestly not attracted to a man younger than your son (every man is somebody’s son!), then you’re right to send him on his way gently. But if you’re intrigued, you might get to know him!

Many of the younger men who write me describe warm memories about being introduced to sex by an older woman. Others tell me they respond to the wisdom and maturity of an older woman.

Check out my other posts on this subject.

Note to the men who want to talk about this. Yes, I welcome your comments here and your emails to me, but please — we’re talking about this subject with dignity. Do not send me your masturbatory fantasies or make me the object of them! (Please don’t be insulted by this request — I’m only saying this because it has happened a few times and that’s not what this blog is about.)

I hear from men frequently who want to date older women and ask how to find/ attract/ approach the women they desire. I hear from very young men (teens and 20s) who had their first — and wonderful! — sexual experience with a much older woman and want to recapture the joy. I hear from men in their 30s and 40s who are drawn to the wisdom, experience, and beauty in women decades older. For example, TW wrote me recently:

I am a 41-year-old male. I don’t have any problem attracting women around my own age. That is fairly easy for me. But, I do have great difficulties attracting women who are much older than I am.

I am mostly attracted to older women who are in their 60s and 70s. I am not looking for a serious relationship. Just casual dating with someone I can see occasionally with the possibility of intimacy or sex. I don’t where to go to meet older women. I’ve tried some internet dating sites. The women on those sites respond by sending me an email telling me that I am too young or that they have a problem with the age difference.

I welcome anyone’s ideas and suggestions. Especially from men who have had successful experiences with older women. Also, I greatly welcome any suggestions from older women themselves.

Personally, I advise TW to get out and do the social activities he enjoys, where he’ll meet women who enjoy the same activities. That way, it’s easy to strart a conversation with a stranger because you already have something in common to talk about. Someone like TW would meet someone like me, for example, social dancing or at bookstores, coffee shops, gyms, walking trails, and vegetarian restaurants.

Once TW spies a woman who attracts him, I would NOT suggest the “Hey, you’re hot and I love older women, wanna go to my place?” approach. Instead, open the conversation with comments on the activity you’re sharing or ask her for advice, e.g., depending on where you are and what you’re doing,

“You’re a really good dancer — would you dance the next one with me?”
“Have you read any books by this author?”
“Your workout is obviously working for you — you look terrific. Do you recommend the aerobics classes here?”

And so on. You may be hoping to share the sheets with her, but you still need to show her that you appreciate more than her genitals. Remember that her most vital sex organ is her brain.

Readers, I invite you to add your own experiences and tips for TW. If you are a 60+-year-old woman who would delight in a fling with a man 2+ decades younger than you, how would you suggest that someone like TW find someone like you? (I’m not offering to play matchmaker, realize, just wanting to help TW know where to look.) If you’re a man who has had experience dating older women, please share your experiences.

You can post a comment here, or email me and I’ll post it for you. (Try to ride the thin line, please, between candor, which my readers like, and graphic details/street language, which they do not!)

I received a powerful email from Elliot, age 20, who is in a passionate relationship with a woman in her late forties. He writes:

My lover and I are very affectionate, very loving and ultimately very content with each other. Personally, I enjoy the pace, as I am not given a time limit on anything, much less anything sexual. I am given a reign of freedom that most men would divorce for, and my lover herself is so passionate yet so trusting and warm, and dare I say it, cuddly, that she presents the very thing that I have yearned for, yet never found in women my age!

This slow-burning flame I have the fortune to enjoy day after day is something I find much more cosy, more inviting, but finally something that can truly blaze with raw passion, rather than the all-consuming forest fires I seem to find so common in anyone my age. After all, I want to be warm, secure and loved, not burnt over and over again.

So what, in the above paragraph, involves some sort of magic age limit? Where does the question of age come into this? As I write this, I found myself needing to ask my lover what her age actually was, as we see it as something so inconsequential, something so trivial and ultimately so near enough to pointless that I don’t even try to remember it. If my wants and desires are met, does it matter if that person is anything between 18 and 65? Of course not. If I find the perfect lover, her age is practically meaningless..

I want a woman who I can cradle lovingly in my arms and read quietly to, so that she will dream a wonderous dream while she sleeps. I want a woman who can be so very vixen in her nature, but so very kitten in her love when she chooses either. I want a woman who is as intelligent as she is loving, with a quiet intensity, but most of all, with a love for being orally pleasured until she passes out after god only knows how long. Where, I ask you, can I find these qualities in a better way than choosing an older woman?

I honestly believe that I must have undergone some major task, some amazing feat in a previous life, to be rewarded with an almost perfect bliss day after day. No, I choose to keep my bliss close to my heart, rather than trying a younger girl, and honestly? When I masturbate when she is not with me, visions of younger girls don’t do it for me anymore. She’s the one flame I have eyes for.