If you don’t ask, the answer’s no. If you do ask, the answer still might be no — but it might be yes!
We’re never too old or too young to advocate for our needs in a loving, inviting way. Learning to express what arouses and pleases us is key to satisfying sex. Even in a longtime relationship, when you and your mate figured out long ago what turns each of you on and brings you to orgasm, this changes as you age. Your body responds differently. If you don’t discuss it, you and your partner rely on what you think is still true about what each other enjoys most. That may be true, but it’s as likely that it has changed a little or a lot.
Go on a journey of exploration to figure out what what works for you now. Request changes and adjustments that will be more comfortable and arousing for you. Ask your partner to tell you the same.
Saying how we want to be pleasured isn’t a demand – it’s a gift to a lover who wants to please us. A past lover said to me, “Thank you. I love it when you give me directions. I want to do what gives you the most pleasure, and it helps me when you tell me what that is.”
Learn more about how to communicate your needs and desires to your partner in The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain — or Regain — a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life.