Posts by Joan Price
FeMani Wellness Sexual Health Massage Wand
If you’ve read my book, Naked at Our Age, or the advice given on this blog, I hope you’ve noticed the valuable information contributed by Ellen Barnard and Myrtle Wilhite, MD, co-owners of A Woman’s Touch. They are brilliant sex educators and compassionate human beings who devote themselves to women’s sexual health and pleasure, with a special emphasis on helping women with sexual pain and limitations.
I’ve recommended A Woman’s Touch’s Vaginal Renewal Program often, and many of you told me how helpful it has been for you. An attendee at one of my workshops recently emailed me:
I wanted to let you know how much I benefited from your workshop. Using some things that were discussed, the Vaginal Renewal Program you recommended, your books that I purchased (I went straight to chapter 11 — “When Sex Hurts” — in Naked at our Age), and some steamy stories from Ageless Erotica, I was able to have penetrative intercourse for the first time in 4-1/2 months. It can only get better from here and hubs is very happy.
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| Ellen Barnard |
I’m including this testimonial here not only because she specifically mentioned AWT’s Vaginal Renewal Program, but also because much of what I know about vaginal pain and self-help solutions I learned from Ellen and Myrtle. I consult and quote them often, and you’ve benefited from their expertise several times on this blog as well as throughout the pages of Naked at Our Age.
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| Myrtle Wilhite |
Ellen and Myrtle have been working for years on developing the best sexual health internal massage wand for women who have pain and/or limitations with penetration and with medical internal exams due to aging, cancer, or other issues. They (and we) were dissatisfied by the wands — aka vaginal dilators — that were available to women with sexual pain, either from doctors or online.
After years of research, they’ve designed and tested the FeMani Wellness Sexual Health Massage Wand, which has been perfected to their high standards. FeMani Wellness Sexual Health Massage Wand is ready for manufacturing — but their funds have run out.
That’s why I’m appealing to you. These amazing educators have been (and continue to be) generous with their expertise, helping anyone who needs them. Can you be generous to them now? You’ll be helping yourself and many other women who will be able to have comfortable, pleasurable sex because of these tools.
If you’ve been helped by the expertise of Ellen and Myrtle, either through my books or elsewhere, or you just want to help other women, can you assist with a donation of any size?* Go here to learn more.
* You know I don’t use this blog for fund-raising appeals. You may not know that I turn down about one worthy project a week, because I know you come here for senior sex news and views, not to be asked for money. But this project and these people are so special in our world that I had to make an exception.
Amorino: a twisted sex toy
When I first saw a photo of the Amorino, I was mystified. Why put a twisted rubber band on a vibrator? Bondage is one thing, but on a vibrator? What an odd sex toy — I had to try it. Fortunately, the good folks at Good Vibrations were eager to send me one.I discovered with pleasure that this strange little vibrator can be used in a variety of ways, and I had fun experimenting with it.
Let’s start with the bare vibrator. Without the band, the medical-grade silicone mini-vibe can be used as a “rabbit”-style vibrator for dual stimulation of the clitoris and vagina.
The insertable length is only 3 inches, and the width is just 1.25 inches. This smaller size suits many of us older women just fine. The surface is smooth, and both tips are soft and a bit flexible, another plus.
So why the yellow band? I was skeptical at first: Why would anyone want to add a rubber band to a vibrator?
Actually, I discovered, the band adds a strange and quite pleasant sensation, almost like it’s “strumming” your vulva. Instead of inserting the shaft fully, just insert it shallowly (or not at all) and let the band play over your clitoris and labia. Pleasant, fun (it’s made by Fun Factory, after all), and sexier than you might imagine.
How do you attach the band?
1. You can loop it around the vibrator (there are indentations to keep it from slipping).
2. You can loop it over the top, twist it once, then loop it over the bottom.
3. You can twist it twice.
Experiment and enjoy! In case you’re wondering what havoc that twisted band might wreak on pubic hair, I was happy to discover that it did not catch or pull. Your experience may vary.
The Amorino may also be used anally, but only without the band.
Is the Amorino strong enough to bring older women to orgasm? You may not need the intensity I do, in which case the small but mighty Amorino will make you very happy.
For me, it felt good, very good, but it wasn’t quite strong enough. I’ve come to enjoy several of my feels-nice-but-not-quite-strong-enough-to-get-me-there vibrators for a yummy, slow arousal. Then I grab one of my stand-bys (Magic Wand, Eroscillator, or — my recent find — Palm Power) for a happy ending.
The Amorino comes with a USB charger. Once charged, no cords. And it’s waterproof!
I wouldn’t recommend the Amorino as your first or only vibrator, but if you’re a connoisseur of sex toys, as — ahem! — many of us are, I think you’ll find this an entertaining and pleasurable addition. Or, as some reviewers do (hello, Dangerous Lilly!), you may find it too gimmicky. I’m in the first camp — I like it. I don’t love it, but I like it a lot.
Thank you, Good Vibrations and Fun Factory, for providing me with the Amorino in exchange for an honest review from a senior perspective.
“I left without letting him see me” — a first date goes bad
Annie, age 67, is a friend of mine and a beautiful, peppy, athletic woman. We were taking a walk together, and with great embarrassment, she confided this story (posted with permission):This man contacted me from OK Cupid. In his photo, he had thick black hair with a little grey, and he described his body type as “average.”
When I arrived at the coffee shop for a first meeting, I spied him from the doorway. I recognized him, but just barely. His hair was white and thinning, and he was at least 40 pounds overweight. I was totally grossed out by his misrepresentation of himself, and I froze. Then, instead of approaching him, I left without letting him see me.
He sent several texts along the lines of “I’m here waiting, looks like you’re running late.” When I finally responded, I told a half truth — “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t meet you” and a total lie: “I’m having trouble dealing with a break-up.”
He sent me a scathing email calling me rude and inconsiderate, and I apologized and said, ‘”Yes, I know, I’m so sorry.”
What advice would I give to men on online dating sites? Be honest, really honest. Post a recent photo. Say what you look like. If you’re 40 pounds overweight, say so. Otherwise you’re misrepresenting yourself, and someone’s going to be pissed off. Hopefully they won’t do what I did and not even talk to you. There’s someone who will love you the way you are, so be yourself.
Do I feel right about what I did? No, I’m terribly embarrassed. I’ve never done anything like this before. I was scared to tell you.
“I need to tell you that when I saw how different you are from your photos and your description of yourself, I felt you had misrepresented yourself. It doesn’t do any good, really, to post an old photo and not tell the truth about your body type — it’s bound to come out once you meet, and they feel deceived. If you portray yourself honestly, you’ll draw people who are attracted to who you really are, and you deserve that. We all deserve that.”
Do you think that’s cold? There was no potential for a second date anyway, so maybe this could be a teachable moment.Please realize that I’m not shaming someone for an extra 40 pounds and thinning, white hair — it’s the misrepresentation that doesn’t serve him and doesn’t get him closer to a first date becoming a second date.
When Your Partner Wants Something that Turns You Off
Question for you: If your partner wants a sexual behavior that not only isn’t your thing, but really turns you off, what do you do?
- Tell your partner no and expect your partner to shut down that desire?
- Do your best to accommodate your partner some of the time?
- Pretend to like it?
- Negotiate “I’ll do this for you if you’ll do this other thing for me”?
- Give your partner a pass to get that need met with someone else?
- Break up because you’re not sexually compatible?
- Other?
If you’ve been at the other end of this — you have a passion for something that your partner doesn’t share — how do/did you resolve it?
I’d love to hear from you whether you’re encountering this situation now, or did in the past, or you’re thinking about how you might handle it in the future. Please describe the sexual behavior, fetish, role play, or desire if you’re willing and if it wouldn’t embarrass your partner or ex (no “revenge comments,” please). I’m also happy to hear from counselors, sex therapists and sex educators about how you advise clients.
If you want to answer anonymously, please pick a name that isn’t yours instead of using the name “anonymous” so that we don’t have a string of comments by “anonymous.”
I hope we can start a discussion about how to work with dissimilar and conflicting sexual needs.